For those of you who don't know - The short version I had infertility issues, in 2003 we finally became pregnant, and in Sep. 2003 I lost Nemo - Enlarged yolk sac they said, chromosome abnormalities they said. Anyway not to tie this to why I am here on this site, onward with the story - see profile for rest.
Every year since then, I have picked an Angel off the tree at the local mall wherever I am and spent an outrageous amount of money on the child. From my heart and to theirs. My way of paying forward my pain and trying to bring something good, from something so tragic and confusing - to brighten a child's Christmas morning, if only for a few hours may the child's loved ones enjoy the smile and laughter.
SO 10 yrs now ... 10 Angles
This year I picked a 9yr boy ... 
why did I do that ??? Anyway after the back and forth with the shoes, the clothes size, the FREAKING PRICE OF LEGOS !!! WTH are they gold ?!?! They sure don't feel like it when you step on them. Anyway, his list asked for a pair of shoes size 8 adult - I tried 8 kids first, looked way to small, then I went with the 8 adult, they look way to big - gift receipt enclosed. Also wanted dress pants/shirt - Wal-Mart had a 4 piece suit thing(pants, shirt, vest, tie) for $20 - gift receipt also enclosed. I found a super hero Lego overpriced thingy and a pretty cool remote control monster truck. I wanted to play with it 
I encourage you all to pick Angels off your local tree at the mall, the few hours of joy/laughter you can bring into a home on Christmas morning are just priceless.
I miss my Nemo every single day. Every. Single. Day. He is the driving warmth in my chest, the tears on my cheek, the sigh from my lips, the very beat of my heart, the breath that fills my lungs, the thoughts on my mind, and fills my dreams night/day.
The silver lining in my loss is my ability to pay it forward. I am an LPN because of him. My empathy and sympathy come from a deep inner pool filled and nourished by him, and I am forever grateful of the gifts I was left with.
(((Nemo)))
Dear Mr. Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought,
I saw every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she's cried.
I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,
Memories are our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way to remind her
of her wondrous worth.
She needs to be honored,
and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you'll do your best
I have done all I can do;
to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.
By Jody Seilheime
