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[This message edited by karmahappens at 6:38 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

This has been a tough Christmas being the first. I triggered pretty bad yesterday. Found a receipt for my daughters field trip for last month. But it was dated 9/19. That was the date they slept together for the first time. There I was just living life normally and he was sleeping with someone else. I immediately remember the fight he picked with me that day (he was out of town) over Facebook IM. So I spent Christmas Eve crying. This morning was good though. Kids got up early, etc. WH and I made love while kids were busy with new toys. But I had to utilize coping skills due to mental movies. Something I thought I had kicked. I think it was due to the trigger yesterday. Then something kept creeping into my head. WH was on Instagram and was looking at pics of his friend and friends wife. She is attractive and had a semi sexy pic up. He made a comment that "oh, I haven't seen that one before!" And then hearted it or whatever. At the time I just said "What?!" He asked if it was ok because it was buddies wife. I just said yeah because I was so programmed to be ok with that. But the more it thought about it the more hurt I got. So I told him it was inappropriate for him to say what he did and to like that pic. He scoffed a bit and I just said "I don't like it, it made me uncomfortable, and you need to unlike it and think before you speak next time." Then walked out. So I was pissy for a few hours. By that time company arrived and I let it go. I will admit to still having a bee in my bonnet about it.

Add that to worrying about whether he's thinking about OW, if she's having a nice Christmas, if he feels like he's only here for the kids. Yeah, this has been a rough Christmas.

(((Sammy)))

The first one is the worst, but you made it through.

One day at a time. It's really all you can do to start. Hopefully your WS will continue to support your efforts to heal.

Merry Christmas. Here's to a happier 2014 and continued healing.

YAY my 16 hour shift is winding down.

Thanks to everyone for sharing your Christmas!

I am so thankful for you all.

Here's to hoping 2014 is better, happier and healthier than ever.

..

Here's to hoping 2014 is better, happier and healthier than ever.

..ditto

..good riddance to 2013... it sucked

smy

Four years later, and this Christmas has been our best one since then. First, the Christmas after his Dday was also my first Christmas after my Mother died. So I was dealing with 2 doses of grief.

This year, one of our son's and his family made it in to visit. Our daughter made it over. While they couldn't stay long (squeezing in two families, lots of miles in a few short days) it was so nice to have them. It was so nice to have stockings full, a tree full and cooking for everyone. It was a wonderful day to spend with family. My husband helped, was actively involved and even did the dishes after dinner!

It has been the least painful in the last 4 years. I still miss my Mom, but her sweet memories were with me today. It does get better.

Merry Christmas from my parents' home in Toronto! I am late to the party but had to write this special group bc you have made such an impact in my life this year.

Our boys woke us just after 8am. They were just so purely happy! My oldest won't believe much longer so I made sure to look at him a lot today. There was church too with beautiful music and thenMom's family came over. Lots of laughs, the odd family gripe and plenty of turkey!

I prayed for all of you my Surv Infid friends. What a tremendous support you have been. I pray as the year ends and another begins we find more happiness within. I didn't mean to rhyme that.

Gave my H a card acknowleding this new wonderful self he is working on. He got choked up. I know he is grateful to be here w my crazy family.

His card to me ended w "in you I have found my greatest blessing". Oh! I also got diamond earrings!

Karma after a 16 hour shift I hope you are enjoying some down time. Thank you so much for your encouragment this year.

Peace to you all

LA

Merry Christmas from my parents' home in Toronto! I am late to the party but had to write this special group bc you have made such an impact in my life this year.

Our boys woke us just after 8am. They were just so purely happy! My oldest won't believe much longer so I made sure to look at him a lot today. There was church too with beautiful music and thenMom's family came over. Lots of laughs, the odd family gripe and plenty of turkey!

I prayed for all of you my Surv Infid friends. What a tremendous support you have been. I pray as the year ends and another begins we find more happiness within. I didn't mean to rhyme that.

Gave my H a card acknowleding this new wonderful self he is working on. He got choked up. I know he is grateful to be here w my crazy family.

His card to me ended w "in you I have found my greatest blessing". Oh! I also got diamond earrings!

Karma after a 16 hour shift I hope you are enjoying some down time. Thank you so much for your encouragment this year.

Peace to you all

LA

Merry Christmas to all!!

I'm finally in bed after a very long day. First Christmas since dday, almost 7 mos ago. The day went very well for the most part. So fun to watch DS open presents this year as he's starting to get it. Had a lovely day with the in-laws but a bit of outside family stuff brought it down. In-laws offered to keep DS for the night and I was so tired I agreed. Now I'm missing him terribly.

Then we went to a friend's open house and my mood took a dive. First a really bad trigger song came on, then I noticed WH was getting very tipsy (I get uncomfortable around him when he's drinking and I'm not), then two friends who know about the A tried to talk me into doing some activities on NYE. I told them I wouldn't be up for it bc that's the day WH and OW first had sex. Basically they tried to convince me not to "wallow". This is when I realized I have NOBODY in my life who truly gets what I'm going through. I feel so alone.

[This message edited by AML04 at 10:09 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

you are NOT alone.....you DO have folks that really know...first hand, what you are going through...us here at SI...for me I would like you to know that I am really really here for you and DO understand...some life....but we hang on don't we...it will be okay...it will be okay....love to you and understanding across the miles.

[This message edited by morethantrying at 11:09 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]

This is when I realized I have NOBODY in my life who truly gets what I'm going through. I feel so alone.

I get it AML and so do many others. Lean on us.

LA, glad you checked in, glad all went well. Here's to a kick-ass 2014!

..good riddance to 2013... it sucked

I have had these years smy, 2014 is coming and it will get better!

We had a great day karma. It really highlighted how much H has changed. Since he was always so selfish in the past he was never good at gifts, and most holiday preparations fell on me.

This year he knocked it out of the park. So many thoughtful, useful, fun, sexy gifts. He has taken to making notes when I mention things I need, so I have to be careful! The cutuest thing was that we both got each other a photo from one of our triathlons--the same one, where we were together at the finish. He was a big help all day with cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids (yes they're adult--new Xbox), but still requested time out to take a candlelit bath with me.

Great day.

Happy New Year to all!

YAY Cat!

Since he was always so selfish in the past he was never good at gifts, and most holiday preparations fell on me.

This was us in the past too ^^ all on my lap. H does so much now "with" me. I forget how I used to run around crazy at the holidays, I don't know how people do it all alone, and I don't know why it was ok for me to always make things perfect for everyone else.

It's time we make things perfect for us, long over-due and so welcomed!

I can't believe it took an A for us to get here, it seems so obvious now, making the right choices,, doing what's good for us as a team and family. How could we have been so blind before? Still amazes me. My life is the easiest (emotionally) it has ever been.The struggles you come across in life are handled differently, from an emotionally healthy place and it just makes it easier to cope with.

Who woulda thought....

Happy New Year Cat!

(((aML04)))

I am sorry that you feel so alone . Trauma from adultery simply can't be understood by those who have never experienced it.

I am at my sister-in -laws house over Christmas. Her husbands advice to me...,"you just gotta love her. You have two young daughters."

Ignorance......I am do grateful he is ignorant to this. He cares and is doing what he can to be supportive....so are your friends. I know you know that. I also know it doesn't help ease the pain. It's almost like a child telling you " it's okay, you can find another house to live in" after your home burns down. There is some truth in that.....but that doesn't change the fact that you lost pictures that can't be replaced, have to decide if you will rebuild in same neighborhood, deal with insurance, find temporary lodging, etc....

I am blessed to have a real life friend (lives two states away) that I can call anytime. He is ignorant to adultery too.... But he loves me and comforts me as best he can. Honestly, even our fWS are a little ignorant to the pain they caused......so even when another couple experiences adultery.....only one can really relate to us.

Still.....SI is a uniquely valuable resource.

Post often....we got your back.

Merry Christmas to you all--on this second of the Twelve Days. Hugs to all those who are having a hard time, and cheers for those who are doing well.

I don't trigger much anymore, but this past weekend I was really down. My FWH has been wonderful, which is almost part of the problem--I feel such outpourings of love for him, but then sometimes I look at him and think, how could this wonderful man have done such a reprehensible thing? And for so long? Who is he, anyway? I just wanted to go away by myself and spend Christmas alone. But my step-daughter (SD) was set to arrive Monday, and my younger daughter, husband, and son on Thursday (today!). So I just had to soldier on.

We went to church Christmas Eve for lessons and carols--a lovely service, and it helped make me feel some of the spirit of Christmas. The sermon really hit home, too, and I found myself holding back tears. SD sat between FWH and me, and I kept trying (unsuccessfully) to catch his eye to see if he was feeling it, too. (None of our daughters know what we've been going through.)

I got up early on Christmas morning and sat alone with the presents and the twinkling tree, just sipping coffee and contemplating. I made some cranberry muffins for breakfast. Then FWH and SD got up, we had breakfast and opened presents, and the joy began to return. Big time! It wasn't just the presents (which were beautiful, and well-chosen), but much more the feeling as we chatted and exclaimed over the gifts and talked about all kinds of things. The cold that I had been feeling just melted away in the warmth of the moment.

And this morning I am once again up early, sipping my coffee, looking at the twinkling tree, and thinking about the day with enthusiasm. I can see that the weekend was one of those plunges down the roller coaster, but now I'm back up.

Merry Christmas!

blakesteele- that is so true about the ignorant friends - and that we're glad they're ignorant. I guess we should be glad we're loved, even if they don't understand the pain...

Hubby spoiled me with gifts - and me him. We had good days together with the kids. I feel something is missing though - some sort of disconnection with hubby. I asked him about it a couple times but he says he's alright. Will talk about it in MC?

I feel like I'm living a "less than" life. Not exactly sure why but I suppose it's that neither of us are in with both feet.

I'm sure I'm overanalyzing this but hubby got me loads of candy. He says he wants to fatten me up. He knows being fit is very important to me. Why would he do this? I'll give it all away.

It is helpful to read how many had good Christmases, makes me hopeful. Thank you! This place also makes me feel less alone :)

[This message edited by AML04 at 7:37 AM, December 26th (Thursday)]