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I'm so sorry neverdidithink. As a mom I just ache for you and your dd. I know it's ridiculous to think their are any positives here, but her coming to you and letting you in on this secret she is carrying around with her is a very good thing. Now you can be on her team and reinforcing that it isn't her fault. That will be so valuable to her.

Oh what awful for you all.

[hugs]

(((neverdidithink)))

What a horrible thing to go through as a young woman. But hey there are some positives here. She shared with you what has happened, which will help you help her. She will start to heal now knowing that you all support her.

You also know now the issue behind the depression, and poor academic performance. While this is a horrible awful thing there are many people who have been victims of the same crime, and often do well in life, and become really strong women to overcome this.

She will heal, and you will help her. In the meantime just love her and let her know that nothing she did caused this, and that you are there judgment free.

((((and strength))))

Never doubt her.

Never judge her.

Never disbelieve her.

Just... Never doubt her.

Keeping your family in my prayers.

Hugs,

K

Please gently ask her if she reported it to her school. We take this very seriously and it is federal law that colleges look into it and report numbers.

From Wikipedia:

The law is named for Jeanne Clery, a 19-year-old Lehigh University freshman who was raped and murdered in her campus residence hall in 1986. The backlash against unreported crimes on numerous campuses across the country led to the Jeanne Clery Disclosure of Campus Security Policy and Campus Crime Statistics Act. [2] The Clery Act, signed in 1990, was originally known as the Crime Awareness and Campus Security Act.

We take this incredibly seriously at my Division I school. I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter.

purplejacket4, she did not report it. She chose to transfer and "put it behind her". I would love to see her report it and name her attacker, but she has chosen not to do that and I can't really force the issue.

She doesn't want to discuss the subject and said last night that she regrets telling me becuase I'm treating her differently. 24 hours earlier I learned that my daughter's depression is WAY more serious than she admitted to, that she struggled with suicidal thoughts as she was trying to get through last semester, and that she was raped last year. Yes, I may be a little more protective that I was last week...

[This message edited by neverdidithink at 11:56 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

The rape coupled with the suicidal thoughts, she really should get help. I wish she would turn it in. It might make her feel empowered and as though she's helping prevent other girls from being hurt.

However, I see why she wouldn't. Especially given how our culture still treats victims.

Would she go to a board like SI? There's one I've used that I find helpful, they would encourage IC too.

www.aftersilence.org

(((((NDT and DD)))))

I will be beside myself if my DD goes through something like that. Full on save, protect and attack mode.

Holly-Isis, she is in IC and seeing a psychiatrist. I know I'd need a whole lot more support than that, but she seems to be unwilling to do much more. She went to a group a few times, but found it *annoying*.

I'm trying hard not to project, but it seems she'd rather rugsweep and that freaks me out.

I'm so sorry for your daughter and for you. I hope that asshole gets flattened by a bus. Like, tomorrow.

I'm so sorry neverdidithink.

I can't imagine how heartsick you are for her.

I know I'd be if my DD had gone through this.

I hope now that it's out in the open she can start to feel some healing.

(((neverdidithink & family)))

How horrible. I hope she can find the right mix of help to help her find peace. Sending your family good thoughts

(((Neverdidthink and DD)))

I think you can explain to her that you are acting out of love and you will be protective and maybe over the top right now. As a Mom, you want to try and help, to make things better for her. Then, as hard as it is, I think (and this just my opinion, you know your daughter) you have to back off and let her lead.

That said, this is her walk and her journey and she is going to have to do it at her pace. Sometimes what looks like rug sweeping is processing time. Your daughter is vocalizing what happened, she is seeing a professional for help, she moved home to a safer (mentally at least) environment. Sounds to me like she has done A LOT! To deal with this.

I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. This is new info for you. It is not for her.

I would say that I think it sounds like you have a very strong daughter and I bet that acorn did not fall far from the tree.

I am so sorry.

That happened to one of my friends and after counseling she was able to lead a normal healthy life.

I hope your DD gets the right med combo down asap.

I think you can explain to her that you are acting out of love and you will be protective and maybe over the top right now. As a Mom, you want to try and help, to make things better for her. Then, as hard as it is, I think (and this just my opinion, you know your daughter) you have to back off and let her lead.

That said, this is her walk and her journey and she is going to have to do it at her pace. Sometimes what looks like rug sweeping is processing time. Your daughter is vocalizing what happened, she is seeing a professional for help, she moved home to a safer (mentally at least) environment. Sounds to me like she has done A LOT! To deal with this.

I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. This is new info for you. It is not for her.

Pentup, you pretty much just summarized the last few days. I'm trying to give her space, but damn, this is hard. I just want to wrap her up and protect her.

I did learn that she told her 25yo step-sister quite a while ago, which made me feel a little better. Of course, SD feels horribly guilty for not telling her dad and I. Lots of reassurance that she did the right thing and lots of appreciation that she was D's "safe place".

Thank you all again, it's so incredibly helpful for me to have a "safe place "as well.

[This message edited by neverdidithink at 2:39 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]

Sending and your family strength to get through this and to find the best course of action for your Daughter's healing.

(((Hugs)))

(((((Hugs)))))) for your daughter and you. So glad others have chimed in with good advice. I'm so sorry this happened to her. I'm glad she's home and beginning to heal. It's wonderful she has you on her side. **thoughts & prayers**.

If you haven't, look into EMDR therapy. It's supposed to be very helpful to those suffering from PTSD. There is also an injection into the neck that has been used to help with PTSD as well. It's called a stellate-ganglion block (SGB). I know it's been used for the military, but not sure if it's available for the civilian sector yet. So sorry you're going through this, and hugs to your daughter.