Hello to everyone here at SI. I'm using notepad right now and will cut and paste when we get home.
Hello again, I'm finally home after a long hard exhausting day. I know the majority of you are not going to agree with my decisions and reasons for reconciling with my wife. Her head still isn't right. But I now believe it's not her fault. I don't know if she will ever be totally herself again but I refuse to consider leaving this woman who I have worshipped and who has been my wife, helper, confidant and who gave me 4 beautiful children and was my rock in life for over 29 years. If your Wife or Husband came down with Alzheimer's would you just kick them to the curb. My Wife is sick and without proper care she could die. Right or Wrong I'll gladly suffer the consequences of my decision to stand by her in her time of need. My vows said for better or worse in sickness or in health till death. Well I ain't dead yet so my work isn't done.
I haven't had a chance to proof read so please forgive typos.I called my Wife's work this morning and told them she would be off due to illness the rest of the week. Then I woke her up and asked her to get ready. As my Wife and I drove to our GP's office I held her hand as I drove. My wife sat with her head back and eyes closed holding my hand with both of hers.
We met our GP, her name is Ruth, in her office instead of an examing room. She sat and talked to my wife and I and we explained in detail the events of the last year of our life together. Now we have had this woman as our primary doctor since she first hung out her shingle. She's cared for us, cared for our kids, and we watched her kids grow, had her husband and family over for cookouts and vice-versa. To us, she's always been like part of our family. I could Ruth she was trying her best not to show any emotion and keep our visit professional. As my wife and I were talking the doctor listened and was scanning through our files. Things went silent for a while and then the doctor said, we have many of your tests results back. She told my Wife, your pregnancy test was negative as were your hepatitis and hiv teats. I saw some relief show on my Wife's face, I had a vasectomy after our last child was born to free my wife of the burden of birth control pills, and I knew my Wife was scared shit-less she might have gotten herself pregnant, and her periods have been very irregular or non-existent this last year. The Doctor kept thumbing through papers and was muttering, these results have been back for some time now, you should have been notified. She stopped and said to my wife, your testosterone levels are extremely high, and your estrogen levels are lower than the last time we tested. The Doctor closed our files and placed them on the desk, then asked to be excused and quickly left the room. About 20 minutes later Ruth came in and sat on the corner of her desk in front of my Wife and took my Wife's hands in hers and said, from the episodes you discribed that have occured this last year,and your uncharacteristic risky behavior you recounted to me. I can't help but suspect that you are exhibiting the symptoms of a form of manic bi-polar disorder. She looked at both of us and said, I've made you an emegency appointment with a psychiatrist here in town who specializes in bi-polar disorders for later this morning. She wished us well then said, If there's anything you need me for, even if it's just to talk, I don't care what time it is, night or day, just call me. We thanked her, picked up the address to the psychiatrist and walked silently hand in hand out to the car. Once in the car my Wife couldn't hold back the tears and I held her as she sobbed. I kept telling her we'll get through this, we'll get through this, and we will come out stronger on the other side.
Ok I'm back..
The psychiatrist, his name is Ben. is one strange ass mother of a dude. ignoring that fact, he does seem to know his field and seems very
professional. And as the day progressed I found the mention of his name brought both snickers and high recommendations. It appears he is
considered one of the best psychiatrists in the state. Anyway Ben's close to my height and age, is skinny as a rail and has long dirty salt and
pepper hair. After reviewing the files our GP faxed him and examining my Wife and talking with us. Ben confirmed our GP's suspicion of bi-polar disease and says he beleives she has been having a Cyclothymia hypomanic episode, which is suppose to be a sub catagory of bi-polar and only occurs in roughly 1% of patients, since December of 2012 when she first felt the syptoms come on. He said a Cyclothymia hypomanic episode would explain her feelings of hyper-sexuality, paranoia, being combative and argumentative, and possessing an inflated sense of entitlement. Ben seems very fascinated with her discription of coming to her senses on D Day 1 when she saw me slump to the floor sobbing. He said he beleives it was the shock of seeing this that acted as a trigger and brought her into a functioning state of Cyclothymia and gave her the ability to fight her urges. He said at this point it's all speculative and conjecture, and there are still many areas of her life that will need to be explored. Ben gave us prescriptions for carbamazepine and lithium and also had the nurse bring a dose for my Wife to take immediately. He ordered labs and wanted an MRI and I asked if they could be scheduled for today. He said he'd do his best and left us alone. My Wife broke the silece with, this isn't fair. I said life isn't fair, but life is making something out of what life gives you. My Wife looked up and said, I mean this isn't fair to you. you don't deserve or should be expected to stand by a back stabbing vicious whore like me. I want you to file divorce papers today, I'll sign them. get away from me. do it for me if you won't do it for youself. Do it while I'm still at least this sane. I told her, I decided last night divorce is off the table. That's final. As far as reconciliation that can continue as it has been. I took her hand and said, this is what I want. I want our life back, I want a Wife who beleives our sex life is sacred and keeps our sex life only between us. If you want to be my whore, and only mine, I'll accept that. as long as it's kept between us and only us. I want my strong willed, rock of gibraltar Wife back. Can you live with that? She shook her head and said yes. I started to lean in to kiss her and Ben walked in with a nurse and he said to my Wife, the nurse here is going to escort you over to the lab and I would like you to chat with a colleague when you return, your husband will be waiting here for you. My Wife looked at me and I told her, go on with the nurse hon, I'll wait here. She thought for a second and then got up and left with the nurse. I knew Ben wanted to speak with me alone. As soon as the door closed Ben cleared his throat and said. Your Wife exhibits classic syptoms of a Cyclothymia hypomanic bi-polar disorder.
I'm back again:
The psychiatrist went on to lay out his plan of treatment, odds of relapse etc, he said from his experience he beleived there was about a 50%
chance of her descending into a full blown bi-polar disorder. He said one of the major hurdles of Cyclothymia hypomania was it did not respond
well to the drugs designed to treat it. He said there was a small chance this could develope into a chronic condition, but there was a much
larger chance it could disappear as quickly as it had appeared. He said not alot was understood about the hows or whys of this disorder.
I'm back again:
Then Ben asked, about your marriage? Where are you on reconciliation? I said it's moving along slowly but it's getting there. He said, speed
it up. Do you want to save this marriage? I said, yes. Does your Wife want to save this marriage? I said yes. He said then you are now reconciled. it's done, it's over, that's it. I looked at him and smiled and shook my head and he said, give your marriage another 30 years, if you can't make it work by then, come back and sue me. To get through this you need, your wife needs consistency, a solid foundation, surround yourselves with positive friends and family. If you believe in a higher being, Pray every day, Pray several times a day. You need everything and everyone working toward one goal, and that is your Wife living as close a normal and long healthy life as she is capable of. He said you look like you exercise, does your Wife? I said, she does most every day, I have work. He said, I want her doing some form of exercising for 30 minutes every day, and you join her too. Before I could respond he said, You need to stay healthy to be there for your Wife, plus it will be a bonding experience. Don't argue, just do it. Now sex, who holding out on who? I said she was ready to be intimate a month ago, I just haven't been ready. Ben said then get ready. I said it's not that simple. Ben said I noticed how attractive your Wife is. Are you queer or what? I said hell no!!! He said then get over it, and when you take your Wife home tonight, I want you to hammer her good. And then when your ready, give it to her again. And keep giving it to her until she begs you to stop. Are you capable of doing that? I said, Yes. He said, then do it. Ben stood up and came around and sat in the chair my Wife had occupied and said, I'm sorry for being crude, I know you must still feel pain, have many issues, and probably have a beaten up and bruised ego. But you brought your Wife to me, and now she's my patient, and I must attend to her needs and hers alone. These things must be done. Answer this question if you will. When a man marries a woman, and he makes the love of his life his Wife. What becomes his number one concern in life? I answered, His Wife's safty and wellbeing. He looked up to the ceiling and screamed, Hallelujah!!! Hallelujah!!! Hallelujah!!! Yes, His Wife's safty and well being. I couldn't have said it better myself. Notice you didn't say the husbands feelings, or his ego. You said her wellbeing. Ben stuck his hand out to me and said, are you and I good? I shook his hand and said, anything for my Wife.
Then Ben stood, patted me on the shoulder and said, let me check on your Wife. He stepped out and returned with my Wife and asked her to please
sit. He asked my Wife how she was feeling. She answered, I'm actually feeling good. I probably shouldn't, but I do. He said every person is
different. some react negatively to a diagnosis like yous, some are relieved to finally know what they're up against. He said, you have every
reason to hope for a positive outcome and either maintain this or one day beat this. He then invited us to sit in on goup meetings they have there 3 times a week. He called a nurse in to take my Wife's vitals again and then walked us down the hall to introduce us to his associate.
Ben's associate was also a psychiatrist. Her name is Jill. She is about my Wife's age, but carried a few extra pounds and has long reddish
dark hair and is about an inch taller than my Wife. She and my Wife seemed to hit it off immediately. We talked for a little over and hour,
from time to time Jill thumbed through my Wife's chart. Jill and my Wife carried most of the conversation which covered my Wife's syptoms,
children, shoes, boots, issues from my Wife's childhood, recipes and vacation spots. Jill leaned foward and took on a serious look and said, I'm so sorry but we need to discuss your afairs. She looked over to me and softly said, do you prefer to leave or prefer to stay? My Wife took my hand and said, you know everything I have done. I don't want you to have to go through this but please stay. She looked at Jill and said I have sworn to my Husband, To myself and to God I will never hide anything from this precious man again. I want him to stay. Jill looked to me and asked, Staying? and I responed, yes. It started out simple. How did she meet them, were their only 3. for some reason the word only pissed me off. Like oh it wasn't 200 or 300 but "only" 3. the questions seemed to be getting more specific. Did she ever get them all 3 together at one time? no. what about 2 at once? No. They went through each man's stats, how many orgasms per encounter. when it got to penis size I called a stop to it. My Wife was already sobbing and after each answer she was begging forgiveness, saying how sorry she was, wishing only to take it all back she seemed to be almost hysterical. Jill asked my Wife, do you want to stop here? My Wife said, no. Let's get it over with. I couldn't hold my tears back. My Wife still held my hand as she continued answering questions. At one point my Wife came and sat on my lap and cradled my head to her breast as she answered the last few questions. When it was finally over Jill came over and ran her hand down my Wife's hair to comfort her and asked my wife, you know why I had to ask those questions don't you? My Wife nodded her head and said my counselor did something simular and said I had to acknowledge and face my own demons. Jill said I'm proud of you. I looked up at my Wife and said so am I, I'm proud of you. My Wife buried her sobbing snotty face into my neck and said I pray someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I said, I don't think I'll ever forget, but I know one day I will forgive you. Then added, Since I know I will forgive someday it might as well be today. I lifted her head with my finger and looked into her eyes and said, I forgive you. for every thing. And I mean this, just promise me you will find the strength within yourself to never do anything like this again. She started sobbing again while swearing and promising me to never do anything to hurt me again. Jill spoke up and said, I'm going to give you two a little privacy, take as long as you need.
Maybe a half hour went by and we had composed ourselves enough to venture out to find a restroom to splash some cold water on our faces. We
found one but it was locked. My Wife volunteered to go to the front desk and get the key. She came back and handed me a folded paper and a card
and said, They couldn't get us into the MRI today, not until friday morning, that's the address and the card has my next appointment. Then she
handed me the key and said you go first. I unlocked the door found the light switch and then reached back and pulled my Wife in with me. She
whispered what are you doing? I said following your doctor's orders. Only he said to do this when we got home, so you'll also have another dose
coming to you when we get home. I turned my Wife around and said grab ahold of that sink, she did. I reached under her skirt and pulled her
panties down and helped each of her feet out of them. As I stood I locked eyes with my Wife in the mirror and that's when I noticed she was
trembling. I put my arms around her and asked, Do you want to do this? Her big brown eyes grew bigger and she shook her head yes. So I unzipped
my pants, bent my knees a bit and gave her what the doctor ordered. A minute or so later my Wife started cussing like a sailor at a gangbang.
She got so loud I finally reached around and grabbed her panties balled them up and said open your mouth she did and I shoved them in.
When I was finished administering the doctor's prescription, we straightened our clothes, splashed cold water on our faces the walked out into
the hall, I took her hand and we giggled all the wqy out to the car. It was getting dark so I asked where do you want to go eat? Almost
immediately my Wife said Denny's. I thought to myself how many years it had been since we had been there. I thought back to our first date when
this lanky blonde haired punk took the most beautiful girl in our town to Denny's. I remembered being scared shitless to ask her out, and then
my my legs almost buckling under me when she smiled and said yes. I remembered that after Denny's we went to a drive-in and the first feature
was a Burt Reynolds movie. I can't remember which one but I remember Burt. We started making out during the second feature which was a low
budget skin flick called The Hot Box. All they showed were boobs but there was alot of boobs in that movie. After a while of making out I made a
move to feel her blouse covered breast. She immediately slapped my face so hard I saw red and white stars. I still remember those stars like it
was yesterday. She glared at me and I swear her big brown eyes glowed red. She said how dare you!! I'm not that kind of girl!! And to think I
actually thought you were a nice guy. If that's the kind of girl you want you needn't bother asking for a second date. And you can take me home
now. As I rubbed my burning cheek for the first time in my life I actually felt ashamed for trying to feel a girl up. I looked over at her and
apologized. And I meant it. I said I'm so sorry I just got caught up in the moment and it just happened. That was partly true, I had been caught
up in the moment but the boob grab was premeditated. We made up a few minutes later, and made out till the movie was over. She forgave me and
agreed to go on a second date, then a third.....
After Denny's we had her precriptions filled and walked around the pharmacy picking up odds and ends till they were ready. On the way home I
told my wife since there were not going to be any more secrets I had a confession to make. She looked at me with her mouth open and said you're
kidding. I said what you think I'm perfect. She said well yeah. I said if you only knew my sordid past. I asked her remember our first date? She laughed and said yes. Remember when I touched your breast? she giggled and said yes. Remember when I apologize? My Wife said yes. Well that was only half true. She asked what part was a lie? I answered that it just happened. I was caught up in the moment, but touching your breast was premeditated, I planned that in advance and was just waiting for the right moment to make my move. My Wife said thank God. I'm glad it was on purpose. After your apology I felt so guilty for slapping you so hard. Now I know you got what you deserved. Now what about the other stuff you mentioned. I told her all of that stuff is before we met. And your not old enough to hear about those sordid times of my life. She asked when will I be old enough? I told her to ask me agian on our 50th anniversary.
Ok guys let me have it. Tell me what a fool I am. What can I say, she's my Wife. for better or for worse She's my Wife and my job is to protect and care for her. If I'm wrong I'll let God pass judgment on me in the next world.
Good Night..
