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I have been feeling bad, actually, lately, for hating the OW. It has been a year since the 3rd DDay, but I still feel hatred and still call her awful names, the worst I can think of. It is usually when I'm talking to myself, but sometimes to my FWS. I have always been a "love your fellow man", "try to understand them before judging" type of person. This seems wrong in so many ways....but I can't be the only one. Is this wrong?

No your not alone. It's easier to direct your hate and anger at one of the two people that contributed to your hurt. Usually the one thats not living with you that gets the rage and anger. It's normal. I still hate her, had a conversation with her once, almost felt bad for her. Buut that changed back to anger quickly!

I feel fine hating her. My OW thought she was "helping" WBF get over me by speaking rudely about me and making up stories. Then when I married him, she spent the next 11 years commiserating with my MIL about what a terrible person I was.

No reason for me to not hate her.

There are a lot of people who are better than me though, so kudos to you if you can not feel hate and anger if you see her face.

Typically, I don't even think about her. But when I do, I hate her.

[This message edited by fromaztowa at 5:00 PM, January 20th (Monday)]

I have spent a lot of time trying to get rid of that hate. I recently discussed it in IC because, like you starmoonchild, I don't like FEELING that way at ALL.

What I came up with is acceptance. I can accept that I hate right now, but understand that it may change one day. Any energy I spend thinking about her is truly wasted, and I am so tired of giving her energy after all she and fWH took from me.

It is normal. Maybe just accept yourself and the feelings you are having now? I've only been trying it for a week, and I've had some relief already.

Hugs

I "hate" OW. I am fine with it. I don't waste time or energy on it. I don't feel bad about it. It just is. I know that one day, most likely, I will feel indifference about OW. Sometimes I do feel that way (indifference), and then I am like, "Naaw, I still hate OW, if I saw OW I would want to throat punch OW!" so, I guess I am still hating. I don't worry about it and I don't feel bad about it. I really have a hard time understanding people who feel bad about hating on someone that has hurt them so badly.

Do you hate Hitler? Do you feel bad about that?

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 5:30 PM, January 20th (Monday)]

Hate her? I wish, and continue to hope, that she will drop dead.

I have no guilt whatsoever about that.

I had a brief period that I felt sorry for her. That left quickly. I loathe her with every fiber of my being.

The OW in our case was a ONS. I hate her guts! She knew about me and knew we were having issues and told my hubby (then bf) to relax and he could do that and it would tell him if he wanted me or not. She was and is evil as far as I am concerned because she didn't care.

I'm moving this thread as it is now nothing more than a vent thread.

I hated her on DD1 but now its moving to indifference...well most of the time anyway. I still have some days that I feel a strong dislike. I hate what she AND he did. I'm sure if I had to deal with her, I would feel differently but she lays low like a good slut should. I guess outta sight, outta mind. I'm good at blocking things from my head.

I was never the kind of person to hate another human being, but the OW I hate, loathe and despise her. I don't care if others think she is a nice person, to me she is nothing but a lying filthy bitch. I am also not the kind of person who wishes bad things for other people, but the OW can drop dead as far as I am concerned or her life could fall apart...anything so that I can see that karma is paying her back for her behaviour. I also have nothing nice to think or say about 2 of WH friends who know OW and knew how much time he was spending with her. I can not even be civil to them if I see them. I don't like myself much for feeling this way, but I just can't help it and my IC always told me that in order to be a healthy authentic person you have to feel what you feel and admit to it.

I sure do!!!! I keep hoping she drowns in Lake Erie during one of her trips up to their camper. Yes, my FWH is the one who started this, BUT she knew exactly what she was doing. She has shown zero remorse and has walked away as if she had no hand in destroying my life.I don't need a lecture on how I'm wasting energy on hating her, right know I"m not ready to act like nothing happened.

Sorry, double post

[This message edited by sickofthelies at 10:36 PM, October 7th (Tuesday)]

Yes, but I also pity her. I think she is so pathetIc and an embarrassment. To sleep with a married man, is so disgusting and low.

She is disgusting, pathetic, and low...and I hope I do feel indifferent to her sometime....but for now, it's hate. Do you think these women ever consider what they've done to our lives? Do they ever really know? I supposed not, unless they experience it themselves someday.

I vacillate between loathing, indifference, and pity. Mostly now indifference.

I've had a (very) brief moment where I felt a teeny tiny bit sorry for her, but otherwise its pretty much anger, loathing, disgust, and a desire for karma to bite her in the butt.

I really don't care how her BH treated her. I really don't care how bad her marriage was/is. I love it when I hear things aren't going well for her. I love it when shes posting in the middle of the night on facebook because she cant sleep (so I'm a stalker-sue me) .

I wish all kinds of evil on her. I hope she gets a flat tire everytime it rains. I hope her BH decides he doesn't want to forgive her. I hope when she tries to dye her hair it all falls out. I hope her new dog bites her. I hope she loses her spot teaching Sunday School because they find out that she is a cheating slut. I hope she always gets in the longest line at Wal-Mart. I hope her private info was stolen when she shopped at Target for Christmas. I hope everytime she looks at a piece of chocolate she gains five pounds. Etc and etc.

And this is not who I am. But it is who I am now.

Maybe later it will change

and yes, I know it was WH that I should be mad at, and I am, but she is such an easier target. He went along, even though she initiated.

No. I don't hate her. I feel sorry for her. She was married when their A started to an abusive man, has three kids, one with special medical needs...she has no business being in a relationship right now....she is using him... at my expense...but I also feel that WH is using her, and I'm angry at him on behalf of her and her kids.

I don't hate her though. I can't stand what she did, but hating her will only eat me away inside. That whole thing about drinking poison and hoping the other person dies and all that....

I try not to spend too much time and energy on her except to pray for her...as a woman, being thankful that she is out of an abusive relationship, and as a mom, for her to have strength as she cares for her child....sometimes it's like eating nails to get the words out, but I do it....pray for my enemies is what God commands...so I do.

It's harder some days than others.

Meh.

"Hate" isn't really the right word for it. Disgust is probably closer. She knew XWH was married, she even knew me personally. She had been to our home on several occasions. She wasn't exactly a friend, but she was more than an acquaintance. How she could know me, and still do what she did, is disgusting to me.

I also feel sorry for her. I didn't know he was a lying, cheating sack of shit incapable of anything resembling honor, character, and commitment. She DID know all that, and she chose him anyway. I can't imagine being so fucked in the head that you think someone like that, like XWH is the best you can do. But for her, he probably IS the best she can do.

Now. Ask me if I hate XWH.

Everyone will tell you the goal is indifference.

I think that's a great goal for a WS.

I think it might be asking much of the BS.

I actually don't think of OW very often. But when I do, I don't wish her well.

I won't ever be neutral on her. It's not even a goal of mine.

But I really don't think of her often.