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Tomorrow is a big day. I've felt all day today like I'm going to puke and when I stand my knees shake. Retaining and filing is on my agenda tomorrow. Got my appointment with L I liked, got my $3500 for retainer, and hopefully I got my nerve. It's been happening unofficially - but tomorrow afternoon, I officially start the process of dissolving 28 1/2 year marriage. I'm thinking it's gonna be a long night. Maybe I'll pour another glass of wine!

So many on this forum have given me the insight, the wisdom the know how and the strength. Please come with me, tomorrow afternoon at 1:00, just a block off the square. I'll need all the support I can get to just get out of my car! Hope to see you there!

(((myowndystopia)))

Taking the first step was the most painful for me also. It was like actually, really, and finally admitting that the relationship was all over, he really was THAT guy. There was no turning back. Realising too that I had spent all those years invested, and for what?

You can do this, you have the strength. Just remember to breath.

Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

My hand shook when I signed the paperwork.

Be good to yourself tomorrow. It's a big deal.

Please come with me, tomorrow afternoon at 1:00, just a block off the square.

We'll all be there, honey, even if you can't see us. You've got this. And we've got you. (((((myowndystopia)))))

Mine shook, too, and I remember thinking "Don't cry in front of your attorney". I didn't. My marriage is short compared to yours but as we all know here, it still hurts. Bad.

Just do it one step at a time. Get out of the car. Walk to the building. Once you are inside with the attorney it will be business-like and cold, probably easier ( at least for me) to keep it together. Then you just have to make it to the door/car after that. You can do it. Post and let us know you made it.

(((Myowndystopia)))

Good luck tomorrow doll...better days ahead, until then, "just keep swimming".

(((hugs)))

When I went to retain my L, I walked into his office scared to death. I walked out feeling empowered and in control for the first time since dday.

Good luck tomorrow!!

((((dystopia))))

Thinking of you from here in UK

(((Myowndystopia))) I consulted with the lawyer back in Dec. Finally realized that retaining her was in my best interests. You can do this, deep breaths & one foot in front of the other! We're with you in spirit.

My hand shook when signing, I cried in front of everyone and I threw up at my desk when I was done. Then I went through 3 years of false R and did it all over again. I will open the car door for you and hold your hand the whole time. You can do this for you.

((( Hug )))

Sending you positive energy.

It's those damn tears that worry me! I'll probably feel like I'm going to puke but I probably won't eat until well after - the cheating bastard diet makes meal skipping so easy! So if I can stabilize legs enough to walk and keep the tears away I can do this! I may mark certain pages in my journal to read just before the appointment to channel some of those times when the rage kept me going. Rage may be my friend tomorrow!

The way I see it after what we've been through this will be a cake-walk.

You're going to be OK. Those first steps to freedom are the scariest. It makes it - real? I avoided it for the longest time. Head in sand doesn't make it go away - this does.

I'll be standing with you in spirit tomorrow. Much mojo sent!

MOD, as hard as it is, it's what needs to be done. You've got all us broads (and the gents, too).

I didn't want the D, let XH file. Wasted 18 months not pushing it thru. Finally did, (after all the work on my end) 18 months later, D came. I cried my face off.

Nothing I wanted, but it was what I had to do. You can only do so much, then you have to walk away.

(((MOD)))

Sending strength today!

I check this site every morning as my ritual. I look for someone that will be going through something especially difficult that day and make a promise to keep that person in my spirit and thoughts for strength that day. Your post jumped out immediately at me. So today you are the SI'er who will get my mind, spirit and best thoughts all day today.

When D is not what we wanted to happen this is so hard. You see some posts where they want to celebrate it but I was like you...this is not a hoped for thing.

Know that I don't know you but there is a woman here in a NJ in a hotel tying up the final loose items from the D I did not wsnt either who will send you thoughts of strengthens

MOD I will be standing with you in prayer at 1pm, one block off the square.

Cry in front of the attorney if you need to. You won't be the first one and maybe it will allow you to think more clearly than trying to hold it in.

WE ARE WITH YOU. I'm sorry you have to do this.

(((MOD)))

PS. What time zone???

I'll be thinking of you. Big squeezes.

And done..... Will be filed in the morning at the courthouse. Hardest part was getting out of bed this morning knowing what I had to do today. Seriously beyond words........ Thanks to everyone for "being there" with me. I know you guys were holding me up at times. Now..... Hopefully in 90 days we will have an agreement and be done

((((((hugs)))))) Be extra gentle with yourself tonight, honey. Do something to pamper yourself, whether it's a long hot bath or wrapping yourself in a warm blanket with a cup of cocoa... whatever sounds comforting and appealing to you.