SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks for the feedback, y'all.

I am an engineer by training, and that gives me insight into future planning the typical folks do not get to deal everyday.

Having said that, this one was not a contingency that I had planned for in my marriage relationship.

Well, now that I have filed and took a complete inventory of all the assets and am trying to make it the best possible scenario for my children and I.

I tell you one thing, this is some serious pain which could not have anticipated to feel, but since I am here feeling it, I am experiencing it completely so I can heal and move on with my life.

She is a beautiful woman, and I know she will not have any problem meeting a new man in her life.

My only concern with that is the impact on my children...

Oh, and another thing I have discovered into this thing about me. I have come to realized I am a snob for the simple reason that I believe that if you have the discipline and will power to achieve something, you will accomplish it if you desire it and take action.

I don't look down on failure, I look down on those that do not even try or are willing to try.

Considering that, and looking in the mirror, this is one trait I am willing to keep and stick to it.

She has not criticized me for it, but in anticipation that if she would bring it up, I would know what to reply.

We had to attend a teacher/parents night at my daughter's school.

WW threw a tantrum when one of the other moms started to give me attention and I told her about my divorce.

WW screamed at me in the parking lot that all I never cared about her, and that she would not stand by while I meet another woman and start a new family.

She told me that she could not take seeing me with another woman, I just stood there silently and did not argue with her, this only made her even more furious.

Any women care to tell me what could be going through her mind?

[This message edited by suchislife01 at 9:09 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

Had a very stressful day at work today.

Have not have the courage to drive home, I am in a lot of pain that I thought would be subsiding by now, but it is quite intense. Been driving in circles, feeling very acute pain, and yet somehow numb.

Life outlook is bleak, nothing makes sense, all the stress from work does not seem worth at all.

Thinking of my children, how can I help them cope...

Such -

I just noticed you were from NJ. Divorce is pretty ugly there. You may want to head down the Menz thread and ask around for other guys from that state. Divorce is a screw job for men, but really bad in NJ.

I have followed you story a little and you may want to consider just not divorcing for a while. Give her a list of things she needs to do (NC, IC, talking to you about where she went wrong, stop blaming you) and give her a few months. Nothing wrong with you planning your exit while she is floundering around trying to figure out who she has become. I can tell you my W took 6 months or so to "get it." It's rare, but it does happen and gives you a little time to plan your next move....

take care.....

Life outlook is bleak, nothing makes sense, all the stress from work does not seem worth at all.

Sorry man. I remember that feeling. Especially the part about work. I carried her ass for so long and she cheated on me. It sucks.

That says, I can tell you from experience that if you focus on you and the things you love (and I don't mean you W) it does get better. Both because you make it better and because time does dull the feeling, emotions and pain.

What helped me? Working out. Joining a new sports league. Connecting up with friends a lot. Spending a lot of time away from my W. I didn't want to D, but I needed to separate myself from her, even though we lived together. I would have dinner, put the kids to bed and then go for long ass walks/runs. I would go watch soccer games at the pub with friends. Play pick up. I tuned her out and tuned me in. You don't even have to leave her this minute to do it. I think that is a big misconception in all this stuff. It's not D or R, but you can make your own way. I was nice enough to my W cause that is who I am, but was clear where we were headed unless she got her shit together and took full responsibility. She tried the we grew apart shit. It's crap. D my ass then. I didn't hold her head when she was giving it.

Anyway, it bought me time to get my things in order. She started to realize that I was really checking out and getting ready to leave and then she turned a corner at some point. It's not all roses, but its a lot better.

Either way man, you are going to be OK. Thousands of people have been through this site are the proof.

take care...

Life is crazy!

Today I had what I would call a totally bizarre experience.

I went to the dentist to have a check up and cleaning, while waiting in the waiting area I met an older lady that was seated across my seat.

She told me that she saw grief in my face and then she asked me if I had a family member pass away.

I said no, I continue to tell her I was just having a hard time and going through a divorce.

She looked at me and asked me if my wife had been unfaithful and I replied in the affirmative.

She then bluntly asked me if I had asked my wife is she was sexually satisfied in our marriage, I looked at her and replied that no, I had not asked her bluntly.

Then she looked at me with a pity look and told me that women are sexual beings too, just like men, and that they do in fact find other men attractive.

Oh, boy.

She asked me to find out if my wife was remorseful about her "mistake" and if she was I may want to give her a second chance provided we learned to communicate with each other truthfully.

I am still processing this...

It's not your fault.

Sounds like you met a wayward. Rather blunt she was, eh?

This whole situation with being cheated on made me question my beliefs, but I refuse to change them. I believe in honesty and faithfulness, and dangit, I'm gonna find a man that believes in that too..

I guess I'm fine with casual sex, but not if you're being dishonest, lying and manipulating someone. It's not just an "I like sex" issue. It's a much deeper problem when you do that to someone..