This Topic is Archived
missy1 (original poster new member #42085) posted at 11:07 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
I di scovered my husband's affair 1/1. He is remorseful and
we are in counseling. I have been honest and up front with what I want. Did anyone else experience delays in getting passwords? He did give me access to his cell account but that's not enough. In reconciling how
patient were you in getting passwords?
Indifferentman ( new member #39536) posted at 11:18 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
Zero patience. There's only one reason to delay.
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 11:20 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
two choices
passwords
or hefty bags
The only reason to delay is so they can wipe things clean....
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
HeartInADustpan ( member #38341) posted at 11:21 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
I'd question "remorseful". Delay does not equal remorse.
Hang in there.
Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain
steadfast1973 ( member #24719) posted at 11:24 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
After 27 days, you still don't have passwords? That's not remorseful... That's still hiding.
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
Morhurt ( member #40166) posted at 11:31 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
I'm sorry for your pain. But I agree with the others. No passwords is a deal breaker.
Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.
Lostinthismess ( member #39210) posted at 11:45 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
I would wait approximately 30 seconds. Then change the locks.
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'
NoMorDeceit ( member #23547) posted at 12:16 AM on Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
I would have waited to about the count of three. Then out the door he and his crap would have gone. There is no excuse to not hand over all passwords. He is still hiding and lying. That is not remorse.
Be strong. You are right to want them. Do not back down.
FBS
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled for 8 years. Decided I deserved better than someone who had ever cheated on me. R failed 2/2017. Happy and free. :)
lilflower1000 ( member #36634) posted at 12:22 AM on Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
Anything but full transparency= hiding / lying. These ladies have all been there. Listen to them.
(( hugs)) stay strong.
lilflower1000
Me: 51 BS
Married 19 years
Dday1: 8/1/2012 ( followed by multiple Ddays)
D-day2( AP#2):Easter-April 12 , 2020
4kids(18,16, 13, 8) + 2 grown Step kids I love like my own
creativecat ( member #41728) posted at 5:01 AM on Thursday, January 30th, 2014
I had all my fWHs passwords, and when I asked him one night, 8 months ago, if I would find anything on his computer/phone/etc that I would not appreciate, he said, "You have all my passwords, what do you want?"
Well, it turns out he was calling my bluff. I had always been slightly suspicious of SOMETHING, but I dug deeper after that statement. And found it.
I now have phone software, social media is out of his life, and the only computer he uses is for work, at work, with no real internet access.
I mention this because you have to know what you're looking for, or even to look, when you have the passwords. 
So stalling/refusing to give you passwords? Yeah, not remorseful.
spond ( member #41686) posted at 12:59 PM on Thursday, January 30th, 2014
After 27 days, you still don't have passwords? That's not remorseful... That's still hiding.
Couldn't agree more.
BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 2:06 PM on Thursday, January 30th, 2014
Did anyone else experience delays in getting passwords?
yes, and then he had another affair.
what karma said.
SorrowBhindSmile ( member #38139) posted at 5:26 PM on Thursday, January 30th, 2014
what everyone else says times a thousand.
i didnt even have to ask for my WH passwords. He offered everything up immediately. facebook, personal email, all of it. changed his cell phone #. He gave me his work passwords, work email information, his work voice mail password, his log in stuff for all his work computers, shared his work calendar with me so i could see all his meetings...you get the idea.
open. honest, transparent. everything. all the time. period.
anything less does not equal remorseful.
hugs to you
Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 12:28 AM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
Tonight sit his rear end down, grab his cell phone, and tell him that you want his password(s) right now. If he hesitates, tell him password or door hitting him on the ass as he walks out. There's only two reasons to not have provided it approx. 30 seconds after you asked for it the first time either he is still in an A or he has a lot of deleting to do.
No password no remorse. Regret about being caught, yes. Remorse, no.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
BeyondBreaking ( member #38020) posted at 12:57 AM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
What is his reasoning for not wanting to give up the passwords? What is his reasoning for the delay?
I can only think of one reason- to give himself time to go through everything and hide/delete.
Alternatively, he could be setting up new accounts, and wants to delay so that he can forward old information and delete evidence of that.
What does MC say about his delay?
Give him two choices- passwords IMMEDIATELY or he can go ahead and move out.
I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
missy1 (original poster new member #42085) posted at 1:26 AM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
Thank you all for the feedback. MC says I need to be patient. She says he feels like he's being stripped of his manhood. My response was he created this disaster. If he was unhappy in the marriage he couldve left. There is no way I'm holding his hand guiding HIM through how to show me remorse and win my trust back!!!!! I am standing my ground for what I want
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 1:35 AM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
MC says I need to be patient. She says he feels like he's being stripped of his manhood.
I've been here 4 years. Of all the crappy advice I've heard of from MC this has got to be one of the worst.
What about your feelings? He had an affair and YOU need to be patient?
Stand your ground, fire MC, passwords or he gets kicked out. So many people here wish they put their bitch boots on right away, including me.
badmedicine ( member #41692) posted at 1:35 AM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
Whoah. Maybe also time for a new MC?? If you asked calmly but firmly the first time I wouldn't wait. I never got passwords and it was because we WEREN'T TRULY IN R. I thought so, but then again I also thought we were in a M at one point, too.
This sounds harsh and I know you don't want to believe it because neither do I. But, if he won't be completely open with you then there is a problem. Get those passwords.
"The wishbone will never replace the backbone." -Will Henry
"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it." -Dorothy Parker
Trying2Survive1 ( member #40022) posted at 1:53 AM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
He needs to get over himself. You need those passwords to begin healing from his horrible betrayal. No more delays!!!
Madhatters, M 37yrs, many DDays
Both 60's, he now has stage 4 bladder cancer and in remission.
We're in solid R, there is hope!
Stop right there: I already don’t give a fuck ~ ty Greeneyesbluezy
SorrowBhindSmile ( member #38139) posted at 4:37 AM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I am standing my ground for what I want
damn straight.
MC says I need to be patient. She says he feels like he's being stripped of his manhood
thats bullshit. time for a new MC. ugh.
hugs
Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"
This Topic is Archived
