SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Kelly,

Welcome....it is NOT your fault. Period. He chose to cheat. He is the one at fault. Period. It sounds like you were both unhappy to a point, you did not cheat. He did. It is 100% his fault for cheating. You both may have contributed to martial issues...but that did not give him the right to cheat.

You mentioned a couple of things in your first post, 1) you are over the shock...in reality, the shock is just starting, the emotional roller coaster is terrible; 2) he is remorseful...he is regretful for being caught...remorse takes time and commitment on his part...it is too soon to see remorse.

I also recommend you see your gyn doc and get tested for STDs. It is better to be safe and get checked.

You have gotten wonderful advice, I just wanted to share a little bit more information.

Sounds like he was more of a sugar daddy to her. She sounds like a hooker of sorts and especially conniving.

Can you find out how much money he spent on her? Some states allow you to be paid half that in divorce.

If the prescription drug stuff was iffy or illegal even that could be leverage in case custody becomes an issue.

Make sure your attorney knows everything.

None of this is your fault whatsoever. In time this will become very clear to you.

[This message edited by whattheh at 10:33 PM, February 4th (Tuesday)]

Washington State is pro child so they do often do 50/50 custody splits per the parenting plan put in place. The state prefers children to spend the maximum time allowed with BOTH parents. Please don't make the mistake of thinking the WA state court system is pro mother. Please seek a lawyer and do a consult to find out exactly what your rights are. That does not mean you need to file now but it will help you to be informed about where you stand.

I live inWashington State and I have 50/50 with my ex husband. He hired an attorney specializing in joint custody. The court threw him out twice and finally gave it to hi the third time. The unfortunate part I will never live down is that I believed him when he gave me his reasons for wanting joint custody, when he was begging for it because he knew without me, he'd lose. So, I went along with it and back in 2001, if I hadn't, he would not have gotten it. Biggest mistake of my life and worst thing for my children.

I'm not sure if things have changed since then but the commissioners who threw us out repeatedly chewed him out and told me that it wasn't in the best interests of the child and detailed why they felt it was a horrible idea. We had a different commissioner each time.

So...that is what WA state was like.

I agree...so not your fault but I think we all experienced that emotion at one time.

I filed for legal separation 6 days after DDay. I found the forms on line for my state and had my WH meet me at the courthouse where we jointly signed in front of a notary. No attorney necessary if you can get him to cooperate.

I pulled my WHs credit report on day 5 and found that he had been racking up serious debt for last two years. If he has been sending her money you might want to check this too.

The legal separation does everything a divorce does, you just can't get remarried without a divorce and you can stay on a joint insurance policy. May give you the time you need to decide if this is what you really want. I sent you a personal message if you'd like to discuss further.

Also, I think a pink duvet it a great idea. Got mine yesterday but it's purple