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crisp ( member #34236) posted at 4:45 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
If she wanted to reconcile she would be putting effort into it. If and when she shows (by sustained actions) that she is serious about reconciliation, open up your heart to her. In the mean time, sending that letter or other openness to her is only setting yourself up for hurt and pain. All the while it will not accomplish anything.
Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY
jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 5:00 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
I am sorry, brother.
We have had minimal contact, but our last contact was that she "needed time" and wants to ultimately reconcile.
Seriously, if she wants to "ultimately reconcile", why does she need space?
You know the answer, it is just that your heart is having a problem accepting it. She has no plans to reconcile, unless her other options fall through. Don't lower yourself to accept this. Your last response to her was good; the only thing that I would as is that not only can you accept either decision, but you are WORKING towards your life without her...and at some point in the near future, reconciliation will not even be an option.
This is your life. Don't let her effect it any more than necessary.
BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14
damaged71 ( member #36004) posted at 5:12 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
We have had minimal contact, but our last contact was that she "needed time" and wants to ultimately reconcile.
What this actually means is this...
I want you as a back up plan. I am telling you that I will reconcile so you will be waiting for me while I am out having my fun. Once my "footing" is secure enough, I'll tell you I don't need you anymore. Until then I need the potential security that you provide and I need to keep you waiting. If the OM drops me, I'll come back to you until I find another OM to leave you for.
Sorry but that's how this sounded when I read it.
I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R
MadeOfScars (original poster member #42231) posted at 6:26 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
Yeah, I have to read it the same way. If she wants me, then she wants me now. Otherwise, I have to move on. Time to find out how strong I really am.
"Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t." - Steve Maraboli
StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 8:05 PM on Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
On the inside, I'm dying still, but I'm not telling her that. I have no choice in what she decides, but I do have a choice in how I handle myself going forward, and dammit I will come out of all of this a better man, with or without her.
Your head knows this, but the heart takes time.
I was reading old posts from September-November.
You will get past this. One way or the other, you will keep living and start to thrive because your head already knows where your heart needs to go.
In September, I didn't think I would be half as healed or half as strong as I am now. It is just going to take time and take a lot of self care and self love.
"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014
Uhtred ( member #40392) posted at 12:28 AM on Thursday, February 6th, 2014
That's it man. Show her you are a lion and not a lamb. Best of luck to you brother.
Me: BH 38years old DDay 4-29-13Her: FWW 39
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