This Topic is Archived
foundoutlater (original poster member #32900) posted at 2:43 AM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
My wife has been as good as I could hope for in dealing with the aftermath of what she did, especially since it was so long ago. I’ve gotten to a point where I trust her kind of and I think that’s ok. Sometimes that feeling of panic and terror creeps in thought – “is she at it again, is there someone else?”. I can get through it pretty well and set it aside when it happens, and she is willing to do whatever it takes to help me. It’s also happening less often, but it’s always triggered by her opportunity – when I know she could be because of her schedule. She is already transparent and doing things that are reassuring. Like I said it has been getting better – is this a dreaded “time” thing or is there something I can do. Any words of wisdom?
I apologize that I will not be able to check in on this thread for a while, but any help is really appreciated.
Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 12:44 PM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
IMO, this IS another time thing. The longer she shows she's trustworthy, the longer it will be between anxiety attacks, and the less powerful they'll be - at least, that's been my experience.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Lowlow ( member #38653) posted at 3:19 PM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
I think it's about giving yourself time to process it all. You were doubly betrayed AND despite DD1, her A continued. I think it is natural for those feelings go distrust come in. Do you tell her when these feelings happen? If so, what does she say?
As well, sine the A lasted for years and with a friend of yours, you can't be expected to trust for a long time. Trust is something she earns. Maybe she hasn't earned it just yet.
Take care
Me (BS) 41 Him (FWS) 42 at time of confession
Reconciling
deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 6:06 PM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
Probably time, which I am no expert on as it's only been a shade over two months for me. Take it one day at a time.
Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.
foundoutlater (original poster member #32900) posted at 11:33 PM on Saturday, February 8th, 2014
Thanks everyone. It’s good to hear from others on the same road. I think you all are right that time is the issue.
Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.
This Topic is Archived
