SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Never caught on. Two OW, an anonymous letter in the mail, mysterious phone calls in the middle of the night.....

I never connected the dots. Why? Because I knew my husband would never, ever cheat on me. It just wasn't him. What a frigging fool I was. A stupid, innocent fool.

I didn't for the first 4 years of his infidelity, before dday1. I mean Ya, he'd become an asshole but... Then I found a necklace in his car sprayed with perfume. I went steltg, found proof within 2 weeks and confronted.

Then a year of false R, lots of lies. I knew in my gut, something wasn't right, but thought it was him lying about that AP which he had claimed lasted just a couple months.

A year later, totally blindsided and nuclear explosion on dday2 when he was fired for sexual harassment and I found out about 3 more AP's totalling 5 YEARS.

Yep, I was naive.

Very early. We went to a wedding April 1, 2006 and as we walked out I grabbed his waist and he pushed me away for an instant. That hesitation started it. They were already in lurve and talking, who knows, probably fucking by then.

In mid may I took my senior class students on a trip to Florida and he rode his motorcycle down and joined us. He was acting very aloof and at one point while we were sitting on the beach watching the kids, he just got up and said he wanted to go back to the motel room. I said ok and stayed on the beach. Literally, in a minute or so, I looked out at the ocean and had tunnel vision. I realized he hadn't wanted sex in weeks and heard myself say he was cheating. He even left early to go home which only spiked my intuition.

Got home from the airport and asked him what was wrong and he said it was just him. Then he said my weight was partially responsible and oh, get this, he has lost his wedding ring. As God as my witness I hoped he wasn't cheating so I didn't confront him till November. Even though he was a cold heartless dick I just couldn't believe he would do that.

Now I know anyone can. Damn.

Nothing in his behavior led me to believe he was being unfaithful but I didn't know what to look for at the time. Now looking back accusations (projection) and being critical could have been signs. I just happened to stumble upon evidence, or I would have never known.

[This message edited by cl131716 at 5:25 AM, February 10th (Monday)]

i got a little suspicious around aug-oct 2011. she started coming back really late at night (3-4 am instead of 12 or so - she was working with some musicians then who worked really late hours) and i got suspicious but she gaslighted me. i accepted her explanations.

the i got very suspicious around dec-jan of 2012. she was working very long hours trying to save the family business, sometimes slept over at her fathers house, and was still going out 2-3 times a week with girlfriends, always to the same club (because the bar tender would give them free drinks - so she said but in reality he was one of her AP). i was taking care of our daughter and sometimes would wake up in the middle of the night or even early am and find her not here. she always had stories - at her cousins, at her fathers, still out but coming back, wasnt going to come back but go straight to work, with friends, etc . and i accepted them. i believed her, i trusted her. she gaslighted me again then.

when she broke it off with her LT AP he called her 3 or so times and texted her maybe 50 in about 3 hours. i accepted and believed her when she said it was her friends.

i feel really stupid now. i feel like my innocence has been ripped away. we can rebuild trust over a period of time and have trust in our marriage. BUT i KNOW that i will NEVER TRUST ANYONE 100% EVER AGAIN. ive seen where that can lead.

Never knew about the ONS in 1993, but in 2010, he became very distant at times, yet at others he was very loving. I didn't even consider another woman. He has PTSD/depression/alcoholism and was suffering from that then, too, & I just assumed that was the problem. He was also on Celexa at the time, which made him bat-shit crazy. He actually had a mental breakdown at the end of 2010. I guess in a way I'm lucky. All those things explain some of why he was attracted to this "fun" person. Don't make it any easier though.

Hard to say, started as an EA and WW can't give a definite date on when that started. I'd say I thought something was off before she was really considering the A.

I was very uncomfortable with texting at all hours, but when I checked initially all of the texts were about running (they were training partners). By the time EA was in full swing and PA started she had locked her phone.

I didn't know anything about his A. Around May or June of last year my H turned into this stupid ass. He became more and more distant towards me and the kids. I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what... in September I got my answer.

When he bought a new smartphone. Prior to that he had a really old, plain cell phone that he hardly ever used b/c he had a smartphone for work.

Lots of signs, all of which he could have easily explained (even the new phone) b/c I trusted him. Completely. He would have gaslighted and I would have bought it.

I think about 2 months after the texting and talking started. I noticed a change but it wasn't so drastic and obvious. It was about a month after that I started to look a little and I found it. Unfortunately, it didn't end after I confronted that time. Now actions and words confuse me. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for at this point.

OH about 2 days.

My H had been acting unhappy, and searching for something to help him find happiness again. In fact his A started because he was considering D, not because we had a bad marriage, but because in his brokenness he couldn't see what was causing his unhappiness. It was because of this he met OW. She was a D attorney, and a work friend said I know this lady, and she can probably answer a lot of your questions. She pounced.

He was number 3 in her line of married men.

But his behavior changed after it started, and he became even crankier when he was home, and less communicative. When he took his weekly trips to her town (for work) he quit calling to say good night to the kids, and would just not answer my calls when I tried to call him. Jerk. When Dday finally rolled around 7 months later, he was amazed that I could tell him the date it started.

They think they are so smart when they are having their A's, but they are not.