SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I understand the need to belittle AP :). AP in my case is short, chubby and has a weird nose. Try as I may though, I can't deny she's slightly cute. I've always tried to look past psychical flaws because they are so easy attack, and believe me, if you have any flaw, it has been attacked at some point in your life. The fact still remains, that despite those flaws, that one time, the Wanderer didn't point them out, they embraced those flaws and made the AP feel good about themselves. Perhaps the AP even made the wanderer feel good about their flaws. So in reality, the AP is no different than any normal human, because everyone has something physically ugly about them. I have visual flaws, I don't care, I've taken the looks and comments my whole life, I fix what I can and to hell with the rest. If she thinks my BF slept with her because she perceives herself to be cuter, then her major flaw is she's shallow. But he didn't sleep with her because she was cuter, or not cuter or about the same. He slept with her because she liked everything he liked, she agreed with everything he agreed with, she made herself out to be the perfect woman physically and mentality and she wasn't. She was a fake, she was a user and he was a nice guy and a perfect target. It took him a while to realize that, because he's never been manipulated like that. When the truth started setting in, when he actually saw her falseness, noticed her loose standards, started doubting the validity of the victim stories she'd shared, suspected it was more about what he could give her, her possessiveness and attitude of "winning" that's when he started seeing her true inner ugliness and his own ugliness as well. What I'm saying, is sometimes they cheat because they are shallow and the AP Is physically prettier, but sometimes they cheat because they think true beauty is not skin deep. What did the AP have over me physically? Nothing, if I throw on makeup and skin right clothes we're the same albeit body wise. Mentality? I have no clue, we can both hold a conversation with him, their conversations might have been more self centered on her part though (victim syndrome). Lifestyle? I've made my mistakes and learned from them, she isn't done making mistakes yet even though we're the same age. Money/career? I make more money and have worked hard for the things I have, she makes crap pay and has been given most of her possessions. I admit my flaws, she covers them with a pretty cloth. I'm real, she's not! Life lesson for him the hard way.

OW1 was gorgeous, the COW was older and not at all attractive. Both ways hurt. I always felt like a second choice compared to the first OW. It's obvious he has always been hung up on her. The second time I felt he must really not care about me to risk our marriage for COW. I stumbled across the messages I'd saved between him and the COW earlier today. Made me want to puke. The way he talked to her and buttered her up. "You're not old. Age is just a number. OMG you're so awesome! You want a piece? I can do it!" Disgusting!

[This message edited by cl131716 at 1:43 PM, February 14th (Friday)]

She is not pretty. She is 75 lbs overweight. She has a huge neck. She has a hump the back of her neck. She only wears T shirts with neck cut out. She has a pair of sunglasses on her head even at night. Her bra straps are a fashion statement. She has a faked sweet voice and faked accent when trying to impress. I have heard her real voice. She has huge saggy breasts. She has a huge roll around her middle. She has a hump on her lower backside.

But, she is 20 years younger, thinks she is gorgeous, and stroked my H's ego. She told him he was a sex god and she had never had anyone as skilled as he was.

I am not bothered about her outside looks as much as I am bothered by her black heart, her hypocritical life, and her ability to hurt others without any regrets. She lives by some manual on how to be a slut and act like a queen.

Nope not one second it wasn't about looks it was all about ego kibbles. Evidently she was great at blowing sunshine up his ass.

I on the other hand tell the truth. So if you act like a stupid fuck then I'm going to tell you to stop acting like a stupid fuck, not tell you that you are the smartest man I know and I'm lucky to have you. If he cant live with that his loss.

You really need to quit putting you into the equation of his why. You had nothing to do with it.

Both OW have been a good bit younger than I am. The first one was sort of troll-like, but the second was 26 and va-va-voom in a pole dancer-ish sort of way. (Which she sometimes is.) I am having a hard time with that, since I am 58, and can never be 26 again.

Finding pics of a few of the x's lovelies (and creating the photobucket called "Babycakes Gallery of Stoopid"...) -- and witnessing a few of his filthy emails -- only strengthened my resolve to never, ever, ever, ever let those hands, lips or penis anywhere near me, ever, ever again.

Aside from Hiawatha-of-the-Smudge-Bundle, he had ongoing romps with a stick figure covered in acne who looked like Olive Oyl, a snub-nosed barely legal party girl, an obese and downright fugly Wiccan goddess, and many greasy and disgusting groupies he would stumble upon in his travels.

He pretty much covered the waterfront.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 4:17 PM, February 14th (Friday)]

tushnurse is absolutely right, plus if you still look at it as some kind of competition, either way it's a kick in the gut. If the AP is better-looking or younger (like my WW) then it's a blow to your self-esteem (I'm not pretty/young/fit enough) If they're uglier, then that means your WS would rather hook up with someone that gross than be with you. Again, a huge blow to the ol' self-esteem.

Until you realize this wasn't about you at all. There are always better looking people out there. There are always skanky whores who have no qualms about hooking up with married men. The decision to cheat isn't based on what's "out there," it's due to what is or isn't INSIDE the WS.

OM is a couple years older than me but looks at least 5 years younger. WW told me one of the things that drew her to him was that he was so handsome. He always dresses nice and all that.

Does this bother me? I confess it does a little now. Early after Dday it bothered me allot. Now not so much.

Had the opposite issue. At this point, trying to remember what it was like to not care about looks. I need to be that person again, because it hurts knowing I'll never be the most beautiful girl in my husband's eyes. He's gaining depth he didn't have before, which is beautiful to watch… He also cares very much about looks and always has. Hours spent making sure he himself looks good when he goes out, many times talking about the bombshells he sees (and often at the most inappropriate times), and of course the EAs themselves. I've seen many of his OWs. All of them are attractive. The only one he ragged on (the main EA) he said she had a nose like Triple H's. If he ragged about her nose, no doubt he's ragged about my gap, my acne (he picks at it regularly), the bags under my eyes, my too-fuzzy eyebrows (hell, he ragged on my sitter about hers), etc. Things I didn't used to care about. Things, out of sheer stubbornness, I now refuse to change. But I know he will always be able to look into the world and see a prettier woman and remember just how pretty she looked. I'm not special to him in that regard. He proved it. But the way I heal from it is willfully not caring anymore, and that's taking a lot of work! Haven't won yet!

ETA: Just heard a term that makes total sense: Manic Pixie Dream Girl. That's what at least one of his EAs was like… Maybe that was his ideal… But things are changing now, and his ideal is a warm safe stable home with a family waiting, a place he can come home to everyday. No matter how I look. I'll never be as physically pretty as his MPDG, or as dreamy, but this is what he wants out of life right now, so…

[This message edited by silverhopes at 7:17 PM, February 14th (Friday)]

It's really not about looks. It's about the way the ow make them feel. My wh actually told me that maybe he should have married a (his words) fat ugly woman because they worship him. I am attractive, and he thinks I'm extremely confident (I'm really not) and did not worship the ground he walks on like he needs. His ow were:

OW 1: overweight, not attractive (although she sure thought she was) older than me, but put him on a pedistal and hung all over him. I had to witness it in the beginning when they were "just friends"

He also had women send him topless photos to his cell and I'm sure there was some sexting going on. Not to brag, but I have a very nice 34D. These women were much older, very unattractive, one was extremely heavy and the other was average built, very saggy small chest... I had the pleasure of seeing them and their cute little messages to him. Apparently they both thought they were pretty sexy. He still doesn't know they why sent them to him. They must have had the wrong #. Yeah, that would explain why one sent them on his birthday with the message "hey birthday boy, something to make your day"... topless pics.

The AP has nothing over me!!! She was a friend and it bothers me because he always talked bad about the way she treated her hubby and was a big gossip and etc...

So why did he throw it all away for a low life!!! Because he became broken when his very mean dad died and loss of a job for a year!

So with that being said it bothers me very much! She is a low life and mentally ill. It is simple to us not to cheat because we have morals! The OW has none!

What I do feel wonderful about is that I am a great person and I can walk around town with my head up high!