SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Have you tried the Cole's Criss Cross phone directory. I dont even know if they still exists, but it worked for me. You can call your main library and ask the reference desk if they have a copy of this book and ask them to look up the address for the name.

I did find it really odd when I checked the cell phone bills that his number never shows up on bill. I have the physical texts from that number on my wife's phone

If he was using an app to text her, then it would use his data and never show up on your bill or his as a text.

My STBX may have done this. All of a sudden her data usage went through the roof just after I discovered all the phone calls and text messages to the OM. But, I'm 99% sure she has another cell phone (I saw her make a call that wasn't on either her personal or work phone) that I wasn't able to find.

Edit: Try property records to get his address. I did that with the OM. In my state, every single piece of property, current owner, tax info, etc. is in a searchable database available for free online.

[This message edited by RealityStinks at 11:06 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)]

I live in Maryland and can access a program that shows all real estate title transactions done in the state. I can search by Name but have to pick a county first. I don't know what state you live in but you might also be able to access this information. Do a google search under "Maryland Land Records" but for your state of course and see what comes up.

I know that the OW in our situation deeded one-half of her home to her oldest daughter and that they now have a mortgage that is higher than the assessed value of the home. She's a real peach and a real estate tycoon!!

You can send me a personal message if you would like and I can try to search for you.

You can also go to your county's assessor's office. That is where all of the property and home owner records are kept here.

Problem is here, is that they are by address only.

You can go to your county or city government website and look around for the clerk and recorder office. Sometimes those websites have all property records listed by name. You might get lucky there.

I am so sorry. This pain is horrible. Makes it twice as horrible when children are involved. Not fair.

I just wanted to add, it could be possible he blocked you on Facebook? You might want to create a whole new account and search for him that way. Also try pipl.com to search for him. I have found that the sites you pay for aren't the best, but that's just my experience.

Positive thoughts to you and your son

Keep the picture of OM's cock for later use. You will need that later in case things get ugly.

As far as finding out details for this guy, try these:

1) type in his phone number into a google search box and see what comes up

2) Spokeo.com

3) Intelius.com: both of these sites can be used to run a background check on the OM

Background checks usually provide the last few known addresses and date of birth.

Kali

You are running a risk by sending anything to OM's house (i.e. via mail). He can easily intercept anything and destroy it before it reaches OMW.

I know you want to reach OMW then did you try finding out where she works??? Google her name. Look on LinkedIn, Facebook, etc. Once you find out where she works, try to call her during office hours.

Getting closer to finding her. They have really common names. I don't know her first name. Searched Facebook

Can't find them there. Did use property records and I may have it. But again, really common name and I'm guessing on the county based on where he worked and where his cell phone was bought. Don't want to get the wrong person. I'm going to have someone hand deliver to her. I think he's covering his tracks well. My wife isn't that smart.

You had better be careful and not send it to anyone wrong.

You know, when you confront your wife, she just might tell you everything, including her name, address, etc.

She might be completely shocked and sorry and just tell you everything. Some WW's subconsciously want to be caught and stopped.

Getting closer to finding her. They have really common names. I don't know her first name.

Did you try searching marriage records? If you know his first and last name perhaps you can search the marriage records. The county clerk's office is the best place. You can then find out her maiden name and first name from the marriage certificate.

Ok. I still can't find OM wife for sure. Going to take longer to verify its her. I don't want to make a mistake and it be some other woman!! I don't know if I can wait too much longer to confront. I agree I need to let OM wife know. Wanted to do that first. Can I confront my wife and hold that card? I know she will let him know I know. He then can go into damage control and go underground with my wife. He can't talk his way out of the proof I have once I get it to his wife. I can't believe I'm even talking like this. 10 days ago I never knew a site like this existed. What do I do?

Can I confront my wife and hold that card?

NO, NO, NO. Absolutely not. Once you confront you need to spill everything in one shot. Trickling out the exposure will only make things worse.

The best impact would be to expose to everyone at the same time. The MOST IMPORTANT exposure is OMW.

If you can't find her, be patient and wait until you are sure its her. Hire a PI to tail OM until he goes home. Or follow OM yourself. You will then have his home address and hence the location where his wife lives.

BE PATIENT MY MAN, Don't jump the gun yet.

I don't know where OM works now or I would have him followed. I don't know what he looks like. Don't know how to proceed. I want to just confront her. She still texts in middle of night. Goes for a walk with her advising friend once a week. Now that I know I feel like the sucker. Pissing me off.

Hang in there man, stay strong.

Lay out the info you have and break it down into the little tidbit of information that make up the whole.

I.E. You have his cell. break it down. Search the web for the first three numbers (prefix) and see if it narrows down the search to a specific region in your area. Sometimes they give out different prefixes to different areas. Rather than trying to do a reverse search, just enter the number into Google as is and see what comes.

Do you have his e-mails? Check the headers for the source or recurring DNS numbers and search them to see who the provider is. You may be able to find out where he works as theh DNS aree often linked to companies.

Pick away at the threads of little facts and way those little facts fit together. A clearer picture will build itself up.

[This message edited by Twitchy at 7:03 AM, February 20th (Thursday)]

Arrange your ducks in a row, safe gurd your credit card and money.

Find the OMW. Inform her on the same day as your wife is served. Let OM run to save his marriage.

File for D and serve her at work. When she rush back she should see her things packed.

Hi Rocket:

Sounds like you are struggling. Let me try to summarize the information that we do know about this POS:

- You have access to your WW's cell phone, as you are able to see her text messages and pics that he has sent her. Can you perhaps install some spyware app on it without her knowing?

- You know OM's full name, but it is a common one, so when searching Google probably too many hits.

- You also know his cell phone number and have used a couple of paid search sites without much luck. If he was using a subscription based cell phone to contact your wife, he most likely would show up on the searches. Sounds like he is using a prepaid cell phone (burner phone) to keep himself hidden. He may be using a fake name as cover. Sounds like a real sleazeball.

- You also know that OM and WW used to work together, and he was fired a few months ago.

- Finally you know his son's name

So you are in a bind because you can't expose until you know where OM lives and also how to contact OMW. In the meantime your WW continues to be in touch with OM. Here are some more suggestions

1) Do a birth records search with OM's name and Son's first name. Try ancestry.com or the birth registry in the state that you live

2) Install a keylogger on the computer that WW uses. She most likely is also communicating with OM via email. Look for secret email accounts

3) Install a VAR in a place where she goes and talks to him privately (car, home office, bedroom, etc). Best model is SONY ICD-PX312. Buy a couple from walmart. Turn off the beep feature and turn on the voice activation feature as described in the manual. Secure it with Velcro. Within a few days you should have some juicy info on the OM.

4) Once you install the spyware app on her phone, set it up so that the GPS warns you once she leaves a predefined area - this is likely when she is going to meet OM. Hire a PI to tail your wife in this situation and find more details about OM.

If money is no object. Keep your surveillance up, and hire a PI to find OM's spouse.

Rocket999

For locating these people have you tried ZabaSearch? Free, and pretty good.

Hey Rocket,

My thoughts. Attitude is everything right now. View this as some temporary pain. Time will go by quickly and months from now you will get your peace back with some good wise decisions.

I don't want to be a pussy about this.

then don't.

You said

your marriage has been dead

Most all marriages go through some phases. Romance to dislusionment to misery to awakening. Some never make it to awakening. It can be because of you or your spouse.

Your marriage is in misery and one step away from divorce or an awakening.

I suggest you focus on YOU first.

A big question for you to decide.

Do I want this marriage? Can I handle the temporary pain in this phase? Do I want or have the ability to accept my wife had a relationship with another man during our marriage? Can I forgive? Can I change to fix myself to only be in a loving, caring, giving and happy marriage and never again allow myself to be in a "dead" marriage?

If no, it is best to accept my wife's choice of infidelity and her choice was divorce by her own actions.

If yes or even maybe they may I make some suggestions.

The best situation is for your wife to confess. How?

You control your own words and actions. You have the ability to add pressure. YOU already know your wife is in an affair. That is a fact.

This is a suggestion. Lead your wife to think about her behavior.

It starts with a conversation. The words are important. The pressure will be mostly implied.

Now... Rocket, " wife, our marriage has not been in a good place for many months. My feelings tell me there is somthing just not right. Is there anything you need to tell me?"

Then just listen. Nothing more to be said.

Day 3... Rocket," wife, to me, I want more loving, caring, giving and loving marriage. I realize things I may have done in the past may have hurt you. I don't want to be that man forward. We married knowing things might get rough. I had the value and the drive to be a man who can see that treating each other the best possible way, being loving, been caring is the best way, by choice, will bring us closer. Do YOU have the same value?"

Then just listen. Nothing more to be said. During this process do not engage in long deep emotional discussions. Avoid that. Just listen. Move on the conversation should she need to down a path. (critical to express YOUR value)

Day 5-6... Rocket, "Wife, something is not feel right to me. Are you sure you don't have anything you need to tell me?" just listen.

Wife, "no"

Rocket, "Oh well, with certianty, I am sure I will figure it out."

Do you understand what I am writing to you? You can add a few steps if you wish. and after this, should she not feel enough pressure to confess to you, Is this really the kind of HARD, uncaring woman YOU want to be with? I would go ahead an make plans to move on with your life.

Optioned 2..

Without warning, you just tell your wife that you know she is an affair. Should she argue or deny, do yourself a favor, she is not worthy of you as a man. You end it because of HER choice, not yours.

She might admit. Then you can tell her you think you have it within you to forgive but she must make the choice, not you. Asked the question, does she want the marriage? If yes, then you both have some work to do. Go get help.

If no or maybe, then I suggest you seek divorce base on her decision and choice, not yours.

If yes, take sex off the table for a few months. Explain to your wife you need to work on YOU and learn how to be far more open, allow her to be most open to you.. In other words, you will need to start slowly building back your trust, addressing your fears, wisely watch her behavoirs and her transparancy, let her make that choice. You work on changing, learning to never again to allow your marriage to fall back into not being more loving, more caring, more giving, etc. And learn how to conflict far more effectivly. When you can do this, you won't get disqualifed unfairly, in secret, because her behavoirs won't be worthy of you before it happens. And if your ego and pride does not stand in the way, you can improve far more things about YOU.

In a short time, you can decided, if and when the OM's wife will know what YOU know. I beleive she should know. There are ways your wife will tell you who this man is and how to contact his wife. And you can always hire a detective or some do more research. But to stand firm once exposed, "Yes wife, the OM's W is going to know one way or another. It is part of the consequence because of my values. And if you cannot handle it, honey I will understand and you can make whatever choices you need to make. This is not about punishment, it is about fairness to another human." You can think about what I just said.

You had a bankruptcy and I am sure you learned. You can and will learn from this part of your life too. These things can make us far better or far worse, your choice.

I will tell you, in 3-5 years, you will be in a far different place. With or without you wife. These next 3-6 months are going to be filled with emotions and will be hard. In a year or so, it will gel a little better. In 3-5 years even better.. and if you change, your wife changes, you both can and will be a peace.

Remember, thoughts come before feelings. Work hard on those thoughts so your feelings will follow.

Peace be with you.

I agree, Zaba Search is great, and has gotten me numerous addresses.

I was in a similar situation, the OM was fired and I could no longer keep track of him. I did a background check on him and got is current employment.

It didnt cost much and I had the information that day. I cannot find who I used, but it was a one time deal, no monthly subscription stuff.