Posting again on your thread...
I have worked as a waitress at different establishments for what would add up to years. Never have I even considered doing anything to anybody's food and I never observed it either. And believe me I got plenty mad many times while waiting tables, some people are nightmares to deal with.
I believe, and I know I read it somewhere but can't remember, that it's a standard part of abuse for the abuser to feel slighted in some way and then stew over it before escalating. Perhaps the slight is mostly in their minds, as abusive people also tend to be entitled fuckwads, or perhaps it is real. People hurt each other, it happens. Regardless, the decision to do something so sick is totally premeditated and calculating.
I'm pointing this out because it calls to mind a specific situation I was in. This man had pushed me and called me names. I ended it. He called me crying and explained some things I had done that had been hurtful to him. He insisted I had been rude to his friends and family when he took me to visit. He cried about how much he wanted me to like them and how the trip didn't go the way he wanted it to.
He had said nothing at the time, acted normal, and only told me his feelings about it after I broke up with him.
Still, I took what he said to heart. I was open to hearing about what I had done wrong mostly because if there was something I could fix or change, I could not only have the relationship back but also end the abuse. I could have back that perfect guy I had met and fallen for if I just knew what I was doing to make him angry. I could stop making him angry.
In retrospect, well, many things. First, if I did or said anything offensive he had numerous options, including dumping me, asking me to clarify what I had said or done, taking note of it and waiting to see if this was truly a pattern, etc. also, in this particular instance, I was very closed and quiet with his family and friends because I didn't know them while they all knew each other, and I was getting annoyed and overwhelmed having new people repeatedly thrust on me over the course of an entire weekend. After a four hour drive. Basically, I was really just exhausted. If he had brought this up to me and I had explained myself, he may have had to modify what he was doing, maybe change some plans so we could be alone, set aside a day out of the weekend where I wasn't going to be meeting anyone, allow extra time for me to sleep, there would have been numerous solutions, plus I would have known that he was even hurt in the first place. A real dialogue about whatever made him mad would have resulted in understanding and some change on both our parts, and that takes effort on both sides. Whereas simply deciding that I was a bitch and deserved whatever I had coming? Well that's just how an abusive person copes.
in the end I'm glad I stayed gone from him because it would have simply been a matter of time before I did or said something that hurt him once again. Or anyone, for that matter. Such is life.
Just be careful if you decide to ask your H why he was mad enough to do something like that. He will probably bring up something that makes you feel bad about yourself or that you already want to improve on. Shifting blame is always wrong but in cases of abuse it is repugnant.
Take care of yourself and hugs.