SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Feeling so very, very single.

This thread is making me want to go find some random guy and see how they kiss. Or maybe a poll of several random guys...

<<< ---French kiss, anyone??

I'm kidding. Mostly. Sort of. Maybe.

With ex, it ended up being pecks, and it was just the hello/goodbye variety. Way back in the beginning, it had been different, but time and lack of effort put into the relationship...yeah, even pre-A and divorce, it wasn't the best of marriages...

However, with my SO, we sneak in the good kind of kisses whenever we can, and do pecks when we have to, ya know, 'cause we're all adult-like and have to behave in public. Seriously, both SO and I have been through divorces, and it's important to both of us that we make, and keep, our relationship a priority. We "behave" when we have to, but one of the things we both learned is to enjoy the moment, and each other. And really, it's not like we're groping each other in public. We love each other, and it really shows when we're together, that's all.

For me, passionate in private but quick & loving in public.

I'm just not a big PDA person. Nothing wrong with it, just not me.

Always pecks; mostly hello and goodbye but sometimes randomly also.

XH and I haven't kissed the way I'd like in years and years (even before A).

I've mentioned it to him but to no avail.

We did very little French missing pre-affair. French kissing was one kiss when we had sex which wasn't often. When I confronted him on d-day he admitted he kissed her for about 30 seconds. As someone said 20 seconds is a pretty long kiss. Anyway it took about three weeks before he and I kissed passionately. I told him after that I expected French kisses a lot. I have been getting them ever since. You know my husband didn't sleep with her but the fact that they had an intimate kiss kills me just the same.

I have this thing about full lips but I never realized it before. One day, a few years back, I made an off hand comment about my BFs thin lips, it wasn't a rude comment, just an observation and maybe a subconscious suggestion that he work on his kissing skills. It's not that I didn't enjoy kissing him at the time, it just seems like the fuller the lips, the better the kiss was. It's weird now thinking back on that comment, because he actually did take it to heart and the kisses did get better after that, which is probably why I didn't think much about it afterwards. The point is, comments like that could of been viewed by him as he's not adequate enough for me, and me not acknowledging his kissing got better was probably viewed as nothing has changed for me. I really need to work on spitting out stupid comments that might hurt his feelings, because I don't oftentimes consider how the little things I say are perceived. Anyway, last night we shared a kiss that was unlike any that we've shared in a couple of years. It was hot and it felt wonderful. I will be sure to tell him this.

I want longer, more passionate kisses, too. I love kissing. WH's kisses are pecks, or very soft and gentle and don't last long. I have told him I want more. I'm working on it. I really, really need more kissing with more heat in it.

Like many things pre-Dday I was dissatisfied with this in our M. I had spoken to my H but had given up. I would occasionally complain about the "peck". It does help me believe there wasn't much kissing during the A. It wasn't uncommon for sex to have no kissing.

Afterwards it seems as if he had been listening, he was just too selfish to work on it. Now we have hello, goodbye, goodnight and anytime make out sessions. He has developed into an awesome kisser!

I believe that the difference is he has opened up, embraced intimacy and has seen how great giving and being connected can be.

But for the life of me I was unable to teach him that before.

sorry for t/j a bit

Reading this thread, I've had a bit of a revelation. Not a big one, and it takes faith in believing part of what my WW told me, but it's something I've probably already knew.

Part of it leads into one of the reasons I've hated myself. Things I was changing. I've always liked long kissing, my issues made it so WW didn't. When she was with OM, that was all she really wanted she said. Was to make out. Of course, that led to more.

Now, I still like long kisses, my issues from before aren't there, but knowing that this is what got her started, I have to really fight my thoughts. I've tried to keep her eyes open, to make sure she knew who she was with. That doesn't help as he mentioned how much he loved her eyes, I used to do this as well . I think of how she kisses me now, which isn't much different from before and think it was due to him.

Now I am off for a bit to get the images out of my mind, that is enough dwelling for now.

We used to kiss all of the time, now not so much. Of course, three kids and work puts a cramp in that but still...I absolutely love to just kiss but not so much lately. FWH tries to initiate it and sometimes I let him but most of the time I don't- I still have those pesky mind movies popping in at the wrong times. At least he's trying. I have hope that we'll get back to where we were one of these days...