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norabird ( member #42092) posted at 4:26 AM on Wednesday, March 12th, 2014
I think without the history of cheating by your WH this would not be a reasonable boundary at a wedding. But with your history, you do what you need to in order to feel safe. Hopefully your friend will understand.
BeyondBreaking (original poster member #38020) posted at 12:41 AM on Thursday, March 13th, 2014
Update: I spoke with the bride, and she said it was fine for us to switch. She seemed understanding and actually said that the only reason they are doing it is because she isn't from our area and it's a tradition thing in her family's weddings. She admitted that if I'd made wedding party members all dance, she would have asked to switch and dance with her boyfriend (now fiance).
I'm glad it all worked out.
I'm less stressed about him dancing with another woman (although I think I might trigger hard about it), but actually more stressed about me. I don't like being touched, at all, by anyone really. The thought of dancing with a guy i don't know really grosses me out.
I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 1:08 AM on Thursday, March 13th, 2014
I am glad that you have a good resolution to your issue. 
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 8:01 PM on Thursday, March 13th, 2014
I'm glad that you got a good result from your request.
Honestly, this is triggering me just a bit too. We are attending a HUGE family wedding at the end of the month and this will be the first one since DDay. With family that I haven't seen in decades in some instances. I'm terrified that I'm going to cry too damned much at the wedding. I don't have being a part of the wedding party to worry about, but I'm afraid of triggering during the reception and dancing. Mind you, I am going to look FABULIOUS, but I have this really sour stomach feeling.
Sorry for the TJ. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Jennifer99 ( member #39551) posted at 8:04 PM on Thursday, March 13th, 2014
If this were to happen at mine it would have been my brother dancin with my sister 
Sorry, back to your thread.
hopingforhappy ( member #29288) posted at 8:30 PM on Thursday, March 13th, 2014
It wouldn't bother me, but that is not relevant here. This is a textbook case for boundaries and why they are so important to our own health and well-being. You didn't want to dance with a man who is not your H, you said so in a clear, but polite way and the bride-to-be honored that and found a solution. It will make the whole experience a better one for you. Good job!
Me--BW (57)
Him--FWH (54)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 21 years
DS-19, DD-16
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!
atsenaotie ( member #27650) posted at 8:40 PM on Thursday, March 13th, 2014
Update: I spoke with the bride, and she said it was fine for us to switch. She seemed understanding ...
I think there is an excellent lesson in here about not avoiding conflict (having a conversation) when you are uncomfortable with something.
LTA FBS
dday 10.5.09
Divorced
IsthereEVERanend ( member #42216) posted at 4:54 AM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
You are NOT being unreasonable. I could appreciate your boundaries. 'High Five' to you!
Me: Older than dirt
FWW 63
DD 8/1990 She confessed to a 2 month ea/pa
Asked forgiveness but volunteered to leave. No way was I going to give her the boot
The eight most feared words used together in the English language: We need to talk. Th
bitterbetrayal ( member #26326) posted at 9:39 AM on Friday, March 14th, 2014
Wow I must be from a different planet too. 
Me. BS 52 at the time
Him.WS 52 at the time and a priest!
D-DAY 12/07/09.
Married 25 years at the time.
Two children 20 and 22 at the time.
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