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I know Bs have them from thinking about what happened and thats understandable. Do you ever have them abot AP? Just curious...We had a good day and i was watching tv and navy pier was shown! I went back to my and my ap's first trip in my head and it was years ago! I live here and dont think ill ever be able to go on that ferris wheel again! I have had a few wines St. Pats Day and all...probably made it worse! Just curious if other ws have any thoughts or triggers?

[This message edited by pastthelies at 9:44 PM, March 16th (Sunday)]

Yes, I went into Hollister (which I refer to as HELLister, I hate that store) with DD once and the overwhelming sensory overload reminded me of xOM. He wore a lot of cologne. I got a nauseous and shaky feeling and felt on the verge of tears. I had to tell DD that I'd meet her outside.

I don't go in there anymore for various reasons, but when I pass it it doesn't trigger me anymore, even though you can smell it in the mall outside the store!

Every once in awhile something will remind me of OM, but it's just a passing thought. Thankfully, I have gotten to the point of indifference.

Yes, I do.

Occasionally I'll get "positive-association" triggers that I try to put out of my mind as quickly as possible. They obviously don't serve any good or useful purpose.

Far more prevalent are negative triggers. I get uncomfortable with infidelity on TV or in music. A thought will cross my mind regarding something particularly disgusting and tawdry about the affair, and I physically cringe.

Thanks for letting me know I am not alone! I am doing great but then out of the blue i go back to a not terrible memory and sometimes To a memory that was a lie and makes me angry.Just wish I didnt have the memories!

[This message edited by pastthelies at 10:06 PM, March 16th (Sunday)]

Yes, I have them but thankfully way less than before.

When I do trigger, I've found it's helpful to allow myself to process it, absorb it and let it go as when I've batted them away they've come back. By allowing myself to process the trigger over an evening or day helps me to try and understand what's behind the trigger. I find when I give time to the trigger, that particular smell, sound, sight doesn't bother me anymore.

At the beginning I felt guilty for giving it time as it was contrary to what I was being told but I knew it's what I needed to do as theres a difference between processing the trigger and indulging in the trigger. I know the difference now.

Of course, everyone is different and that's what works for me..

I agree with Trying33, experiencing and processing triggers has been my best path to working through them and taking away their power over me. Not to imply that is at all easy

Dealing with them takes work and mine still cause me problems. However, I can function through them.

Sorry to T/J, but I have a related question. When you as a WS have a trigger, do you mention it to the BS? For example, music is a trigger of the A for me. It's not a "positive" trigger. Whenever I hear a song that AP & I enjoyed, I feel terrible. If I can switch the station, I do. But sometimes there is no escape for 30 seconds or so.

I don't mention this to BW. I hate to link anything in my life to my A or the AP. In general, I don't bring up AP at all. Is this healthy?

I do not mention them. He doesn't want any A-related talk at all.

Sometimes. It depends on intensity, whether she is there, how much time has passed and goodness knows what else. It is usually infidelity or betrayal themes that trigger me now that we live in another state. Driving past my AP's freeway exit used to be a bad one for me. We will find out how much it is still a problem this week.

My BH prefers that I mention them to him, but not necessarily at the moment the trigger occurs.

Its been almost 2 years out from when my wife caught me. And I. Don't think I have ever had that kind of a trigger. I only really think about my AP when my wife brings up my LTA or when something I know will trigger my wife.

In my new job I do see some women that come in and I think that they remind me of my AP. But only in a sad and nasty way. See they aren't there for anything good in there lives. And it makes me think that is what I was so willing to risk my family for?

Those are the triggers I have. When I look in the mirror and so on. And wish I wasn't the man I was.

Thanks everyone. Just glad to know I am not alone and even with the best intentions it still happens on occasion.

Yes, I think it is quite common, you are not alone :-). I am almost 3 years into reconciliation. For the first year they were more common, even little things would trigger me and make me nauseous, cry, just the crushing realization of what I had done. Horrible. As time has gone on they have been less and less and they are really infrequent now. Recently my husband found a file I had hid almost 4 years ago from early in my affair I thought I would need but ended up not needing (A related). He brought it to me without opening to ask me what it was. He did know it existed once I told him what was in it, we both just didn't realize it was still around as everything else has been disposed of. I stupidly opened it and triggered looking at the contents, but like someone above said, learning to process the trigger is very helpful and it's not something I react as strongly towards. I imagine it's like that for most as the years pass. You are less than a year from joining so I imagine you are still having stronger reactions.

Are you in IC? Talking about a trigger with you therapist and how it made you feel and why would be very helpful.

This turned out to be a timely question for me. Yesterday I had to visit a HS for my job and it was in xOM town, very close to where a lot of the As happened. BH hates that area, we don't go there because it's total triggertown for him.

BH knew where I was going to be for work and he didn't say anything. When I got close, the whole time driving around I got a very sad, guilty, angry-at-myself feeling. I couldn't look around me whenever I was stopped at a light. I was just kind of shaking my head and feeling an 'ugh' feeling.

I didn't say anything to BH. If he wasn't triggering why bring up the negative, and if he was he knew he could have talked to me about it.