SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sorry, but I smell fish. 2 weekends away in a row like that, and then he dumps you?

sparky literally took the words right out of my mouth.

Where's the poop? AS in if something stinks rank, then where is the smell coming from.

My ass he just happened after ALL THESE YEARS to fall on a banana peel with an old ex GF who just happened to recently separate. And ummm, sorry, separated is not divorced yet.

So he had to go overseas on business at the beginng of Februay, and his texting didn't work overseas, so we began to email.

The emails were amazing. We got to know each other on a whole new level.

When he got back, he came over literally right off the plane to see me. Everything was great. I seriously was head over heels for this guy, and it seemed he was the same.

Well, he had a guys weekend planned so off he went. then, the next weekend he had a skiing weekend planned. so off he went again. Now, we had been texting during the weeks.

A long business trip to Europe and then two consecutive getaway weekends with the "guys". Where is the relationship with you in this picture?

-t2g

You all bring up such excellent points. I am so thankful to have you all as sounding boards and to give me the truth when I can't see the forest through the trees.

Yes, Cat, I know the newly separated thing will rear it's head in their "relationship".

And in hindsight, you all are right. This probably didn't just randomly happen. Well fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck. (That's me ranting. I cried all last week. Now I'm on to the healing. Cat's orders).

You guys are the best. Thanks.

The only positive I see about this guy is that he ended it with you officially. Sometimes I'm most mad at my ex because he was too chicken shit to just tell me he didn't want to be with me anymore. I mean, let me be sad and mad and then get over it and move on. Don't just string me along for the ride too..

It really doesn't matter if it's "out of character" for him or why he broke it off.. If you try to reason with him or whatever, you start a codependent relationship where he thinks he can treat you however he wants and you will stick around and "help" him..

I agree it super sucks.. But try to lick your wounds, have a bowl of ice cream, and realize a guy like that is not worth your time..

Hugs...

I wanted to wait to post until you were in a better place, and since you got there, I'm posting!

You weren't exclusive -- this is what early dating is about. I think that those of us who were married -- and who loved being married -- find hard about dating. We tend to assume exclusivity/commitment when it's not there yet.

He could have kept seeing you both, but he broke it off honorably (I know there are those who would quibble about doing it via text.) How many of us wish that our XWSs would have given us the courtesy of letting us go instead of stringing us along for years/decades?

Always remember that if it's a good man, he can't be stolen. Impossible. This isn't about some "dumb bitch." This is about early dating and figuring out who you want as your partner. He's shown you that he's not who you want as your partner. I know it's so, so tough in the moment, but I know that in time, you will realize how lucky you were to have found this out now instead of wasting years on this guy.

Sorry you're hurting (((NMK)))

(((Nutmeg)))

Ugh. Sorry for your pain.

But *not* sorry for your loss, kwim?

This guy sounds like a colossal douche. It sounds like you were dating for at least four months and he never asked for exclusivity? That right there alone means he can go on and get the hell on and stay gone too. I mean going any slower would be going backwards. And this whole "trip with no phone service but I can email" thing definitely has a fish smell thing to it, especially when followed up by two weekend trips. If this is an exgf, then in all likelihood they've probably been on stupid facebook since it was invented. She probably realized she was "separated" recently....very recently....just my suspicion from his fishysmell story.

Take care of yourself, you're gonna be ok.

((NK))

This sounds a bit like what happened to me with a friends brother 2 years ago. I fell hard for him .... he a BS also, dealing with a divorce and I just fell hard. We ended up getting together a few months after initially meeting (he lived half way across the country). And I fell hard for him. I really thought I had met the guy for me. I thought we had a lot in common in our lives and maybe were headed the same direction in our future. Until ..... an exGf shows up getting a divorce too!!! He didn't tell me about it when he should have .... he wanted to see which one of his he really wanted. And I was just devastated. I wanted him ... he chose her until ...... she dumped him for someone else!! (She had previously cheated on him years ago). But, there was someone where he lived interested in him at the time so he just dropped some kibbles to me so I could feed him big ego boosts while he went off with someone else, until she dumped him (see a pattern here?) ...... then he came around again to see if I would be available (and another pattern)......

Now I am married to a really great guy .... too late for him. It was a tough road at times, but I know I would have been miserable with him. He didn't treat me right and it wasn't right.

You dont want to be the person he thinks he can always come back to. That is how he will treat you forever. You are better then that. It sucks when they choose someone else but his choice!

I have a rule that Ex's are ex's for a reason so why would you ever go back? I like to move forward. There are a lot of good people out there who haven't hurt you (the goods ones can be tough to find, but they are out there!!)