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cayc (original poster member #21964) posted at 2:41 AM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
I read through the thread a few times today, and mulled over my reply and finally did.
I told him that I thought he was a neat person, but that given how we'd met (i.e. not with platonic intent) I didn't think I could switch gears to pure friendship, plus I didn't think it was fair to his girlfriend and I didn't think it was the right thing to do to her or to me.
I also said I was in the area for another year and if he found himself single again, he could contact me, but only if he was single because I expected him to hold himself to fairness and honesty.
He's not a WS, he's just a guy, dating in the 40+ world which is tough and sucks. I didn't want to be a jerk about it to him and I think I accomplished that. I think if the girlfriend sees this email I comported myself well and she will see I respected both her and me. And I think that's the best I could have done today.
norabird ( member #42092) posted at 2:55 AM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
You expressed your values with integrity and honesty. Be proud!
nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 3:30 AM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
I just read this thread tonight, so I realize I'm chiming in late, sorry. My take is he is a nice guy who felt guilty about dumping you. He was trying to be nice, although it was a failed attempt.
With that said, you know he was originally spending lots of time with you while in the background he was trying to rekindle things with his former GF. For this reason alone, he sounds like a good guy to stay away from, IMO.
Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
getnbtr1 ( member #40540) posted at 6:09 PM on Tuesday, March 25th, 2014
I think your response was good. You set the boundary but also were honest about your feelings. You took the high road. The funny thing about OLD is that someone is under NO obligation to commit themselves to a person they are texting and chatting with. He was well within his rights to be exploring his options while OLD. We should always assume we are part of a larger landscape of communications someone is having when we meet them in that forum. He did the right thing by telling you that he was going to focus on his relationship with the other person. Problem for him is had already started to become a little attached to you. That is, of course, his problem. I see no issue with you leaving the door open for the future should he decide that there is nothing left with the ex and he wants to move on with someone else (you).....[providing he remains upfront and doesn't cheat on her].
[This message edited by getnbtr1 at 12:10 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)]
NikkiD ( member #38173) posted at 7:43 PM on Wednesday, March 26th, 2014
As my late father so eloquently put it
“sometimes they spit game your ear to keep you near.”
"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....
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