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It's been 5 years. The first year was really tough, but with a lot of hard work and support, I was mostly healed. In spite of a really awful divorce, which is still in court, although the marriage has been dissolved.

"Mostly". After trauma like this, I think you need to understand that healing includes scars, and sometimes the scars itch.

After year 1, I was more comfortable with change in my life, I was (for me) optimistic about the future, I was dealing with reality, I was off most of the emergency drugs, and weaning off the rest.

I had setbacks (the roller coaster) during holidays, or times I had to deal with court, or with now-X about kids or the granddaughter. That was expected.

What surprises me the most is that my body or subconscious remembers the significant antiversaries even if I don't.

The first couple of years, I got caught up in anticipating them. D-Day#1, D-Day#2, X's birthday, wedding anniversary. I got more and more nervous leading up to them. When they actually arrived, I was pretty ok with them, but the anticipation was pretty bad.

I have gotten to the point where I can look at the calendar and see the date coming up, and I'm mostly "meh". A couple times, I even forgot it was coming.

But my body didn't. There were different symptoms, and they puzzled me, until I figured out the date. Anxiety, nervousness, nightmares, nervous energy, sleep issues, a sense of foreboding, that kind of stuff.

Last weekend was the 5th antiversary of D-Day#2. I actually forgot about it until yesterday. I think one of the reasons I forgot was that I spent it with My Lady (that's what I call my LDR GF when I'm on SI). We celebrated her birthday, which happens to be a couple days earlier, and we celebrated in grand style, with vacation days off work, a brief side trip to a really nice tourist destination, and cake. And whatnot.

But I did have the nervous energy, and sleep problems, including a nightmare. I wrote it off as not wanting to leave her, which is so true. But I think it was also related to the whole D-Day thing.

I'm all better now. These things pass quickly nowadays.

But when you're looking at the healing timeline, remember that the new, healed you is not going to be exactly the old you. Some of the changes will be better, but some of the changes will be scar tissue.

Thank you for posting this. I really appreciate your words, as I'm just now going to divide down the kitchen stuff.

Great post.

Thanks for your post! It is really nice to hear from SI members who are farther out in the healing process. Thank you!

Thanks for the post. I'm always surprised that the divorce still affects people even after they have moved on with a new partner.

It is over 2 years since he moved out, and almost 2 years since our divorce was final. We divorced quickly because I pushed it. I am in a completely different place now, but I'm not sure if it's a better place. I feel like I used to be stronger, and it seems like I'm letting my fears guide my actions to the detriment of my moving on.

It's so hard and it's so painful and it's so scary. I wish I could pinpoint what it is that is holding me back, but I can't. I keep wondering if it's fear of being alone, and if a new partner would relieve that.

That doesn't mean I'm ready. I have a guy who is interested, but I'm not interested in more than friendship with him. At least I know that I'm not going to jump into any relationship unless I know it's right. It may never be right, and I need to come to peace with that.

Truth is, I suppose I'm just not over him yet. Still so many strong emotions towards him. Right now, though, it's hate, so maybe that will move me along!

Sorry if I t/jed. It's been a really bad day.

Don't be sorry about the t/j. I posted to offer help and hope. And reality.

2 years is not so long, and it's good to be sure you're ready. Fact is, I pushed ahead of where I should have, and I know I'm very fortunate.

Not everyone is so lucky. In New Beginnings, there are lots of stories of people who dated too soon, and got hurt, or hurt other people.

I had the benefit of an excellent IC and a strong support network, and experience with counseling from an earlier unrelated trauma, so I was on the fast track.

As far as the D and new partners, my IC told me that everyone has baggage. What's important is to recognize that, and deal with it as it comes up. Some of the baggage is mine, some of it is hers, and some of it is in common.

We talk about it.

You need to be healed enough to face the issues and deal with them. They don't just go away.

I wish to thank you also. I am going to court tomorrow for temporary orders. He left on dday #2, Dec. 20th. I am nervous.

I was having doubts about making the right decision but feel much more sure today. Yesterday he sent an email that was just another confirmation of who he is.

I don't think I fear living without him because I know it will be better. I think I just fear the unknown. Fear that I am permanently "damaged".

Your post offered hope. There is life out there...