SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Floridalawdog

Not sure if this will help, but it might. I saw you said your counselor told you to write a journal. Well this is similar. For now, try writing what your wanting to text to her with a date and time. Some of the reason your sending them is because your hoping she'll unblock you or is thinking about you. Then when they are returned you feel pain. You still want to do it though. Try just writing the messages to yourself.

I do this. I write the things I want to say to fws in a jounal. Even if its just a sentence or two. I HAVE to write it. I feel like I might forget it if I dont. I feel like I need it just in case there is ever a moment where I need to show him what I was thinking/feeling. Actually though, Ive only twice brought up those things. Sometimes just getting them out DOES help. You can not continue writing her, its not helping you and it WILL NOT change her.

Im sorry your here and dealing with this but there is A lot of support here and a lot of people who are going through similar feelings and pain as you. Keep posting!!

You are 100 percent correct with what I am hoping, and the pain I feel when the messages don't go through. I will try the log book and see if I feel better with writing my feelings down. Thanks

Just a quick thought. Do you know any of the CISM teams? Maybe a chat with one of the de briefers could help point out the right counselor.

Stay strong

[This message edited by 5454real at 11:48 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]

FLD, I am so sorry you have been through all of this. Part of the issue I had was romanticizing the idea of what xWH was feeling, thinking etc. I realized that if xWH wanted to be with me he would have made it happen. The truth hurts but it sets you free from the wishing, hoping and fantasizing. I stopped waiting for him and gave myself permission to live MY life. I choose not to date at this time because of all of the trust issues. I still have a ton of fun with my friends and family and I am accomplishing so much on my own. Happiness is a choice and a gift that you give to yourself. Stop feeling sorry because she left you and start accepting that YOU deserve better and YOU have to treat YOU better before anyone else will.

FLD

I am going to be blunt. And I am not saying any of these things to hurt you or antagonize you.

You need therapy. Professional therapy.

Your wife is not the problem. You are.

And here is why.

You divorced her. But in fact she divorced you.

She left you when she went to Barcelona.

She left you when she went out with the OM working "overtime".

She left you when she went to NYC.

And my friend she is never coming back.

But here is why you are the problem.

Because why on earth would you want her back.

She is a liar.

She is a cheater.

She is a user.

But worst of all she is an abuser.

Normally I would tell you to lean over and punch yourself in the balls a few times.

Savor the pain.

God gave us balls to use them.

But I truly feel you need a good shrink to get your head wrapped around yourself.

Why would you accept such a horrible woman in your life. To tolerate her cheating and lies.

You need to man up and move on. To find a woman that will value you.

The day you told your wayward wife that you would put off the divorce, forgive all her lies and misdeeds is when she lost all respect for you.

It is not your fault. You have been beaten down.

Now pick yourself off the floor.

Find a good counselor to help you get your mind off the Ex and focused on you and your issues.

And I want you to do one thing for yourself. Live the best life you can with a great woman.

Be happy.

That is the best revenge after all.

HM

Thank you happyman, for being blunt. The sad thing is, I know these things. I know I am better than this, and deserve better, but somehow, I have convinced myself that's its her, or nobody. I will look for a shrink tomorrow. I have hit an all time low, and if I encountered someone with the thoughts I am feeling, I would Baker Act them in a heartbeat. But, for some reason, because its myself, I wont get help. I feel as if I can beat it on my own, but I guess 3 years of bad depression probably proves otherwise.

((((FLlawdog))))

How are you coming along? Have you been able to see a doctor and discuss getting anti-depressants? Have you been resisting the urge to try and contact your exW? Tell us how that struggle is going. Some wear a rubber band on their wrist and snap it to change their thoughts when they start fixating on the A. There are good books on thinking more positively. Right now I'm reading Living and Loving After Betrayal by Steven Slosny and it's reminding me--whoa, I don't want to become a victim! I want to move towards better things instead of looking toward this bad part of my past! Are you someone who might read a book to try and understand what has happened and how to deal yourself? If not, even just talking it out on SI or starting a journal here can be helpful.

There is a better, happier way of being out there. Do you believe that?