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I wouldn't move every two years. I would consider that the minimum time to spend in a job in my profession for optimum career growth. If I were in a good job, I'd prefer to stay longer, and I have a preference to NOT move to a new area if I like the one I'm in.

As to my daughter.. I'm just talking about her going back and forth between two homes (school year, summer vacation, that sort of thing), so there'd be two large-ish blocks of time every year where she'd be in a different place.

ETA: Oh, and as I mentioned on my other thread.. looks like XWW agrees with me that in the scenario where we're in different areas, it's best for me to retain primary custody (that DD would do better with me).

[This message edited by ProbableIceCream at 9:24 PM, April 13th (Sunday)]

More recruiter pings.

I'm in a somewhat unique and nice situation in that it is understood that everyone in my group is going to be spending a lot of time looking for a new position, so there's absolutely no taboo about talking about job hunting (also my manager is a really good manager). I don't intend to talk much, but I did discuss some basic things with her. She confirmed that two weeks notice is perfectly fine in this situation (and it's standard), and she expects things to be wound down here fairly quickly. This doesn't mean everyone has to leave fairly quickly, but the transition time for the project is extremely generous.

Also I spoke to the recruiter that I changed my availability out to 8 weeks, and we ended up changing it back to 4 weeks after a written offer--2 weeks notice, 2 weeks to move. He said that companies are mostly pretty flexible about giving extra time at first to fly back to take care of tying up loose ends.

I've formulated the issue with my daughter this way --

1. I can relocate ASAP since this is probably the easiest time I'll have of it in quite some time, and I'll be targeting where I really want to live, a place that does not inherently include XWW if she wants to be close to DD in the future;

2. I can take a job here (if there's a good fit available locally) and put off my eventual move to a better place. This has the advantage of giving DD more time with better access to her parents.

Hard to decide with the information I have now.

It's weird.. even though things are going smoothly so far, I still have so much fear and self doubt about these changes. I suppose it's only been about a week since I found out. But it bleeds into other stuff. Like I'm going to go grab some interview clothes tonight (preemptively; want to get it over with before I have an interview) and that scares me, which is really strange because I don't normally get scared by going shopping...and I'm sure it'll go fine. But if I'm honest with myself I really just want to stay home and hide.

New clothes can inspire confidence; maybe try to focus on how good you look instead of the tie to more disruption and change after everything you just went through?

I did a rough cut at some clothes. Dress shirt and tie (I already have okay pants for a skype interview, but I'll go get in person ones later). That wasn't too bad. I actually came home at 4:30 and slept for like three hours and felt a lot better. Must have been tired.

I think if I felt like my reaction was a little more... "okay" or "normal" it would help. I've been telling myself that it's normal to be scared when I'm changing so many things at the same time and trying to do the best for my daughter and doing stuff that has a large impact on cash flow, etc etc. I think I get braver about stuff when I get past it. Like now I don't get really scared when I edit my resume, for example, or look at job listings.

This is all so silly, but it is what it is.

Amazonia, thanks in particular for the suggestions to change my thoughts. I'll use that as much as I can. Sometimes I get into this mental haze where everything feels dangerous and I can't think straight about anything except the thing I'm scared of.

Does EMDR use mental redirection the same way that CBT does? Or have you done CBT before? Might be time for a brush up on some of those positive redirection techniques.

Amazonia, EMDR doesn't do mental redirection, at least not anything like CBT. I've not done that before. For now, I'll look it up. (If you have a book recommendation, that would be cool too.)

Also, it would be awesome if I could figure out an EMDR target or targets for this. :)

Of course EMDR doesn't do everything. It just gets things moving again so you can heal. So maybe I'm not "broken." Maybe I'm just healing.

Try Feeling Good by Dr. Burns.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0380810336?pc_redir=1397517852&robot_redir=1

maybe I'm not "broken." Maybe I'm just healing.

Love this. Please keep this Truth for yourself.

I find it funny that you're recommending that book to me because that's a book I've recommended to other people (even purchased it for people) but haven't read in a loooooong time, so I remember almost nothing about it except that it's a good book. Thanks for the recommendation! I will get it.

----

Did my Skype interview with the recruiter. Actually, recruiters. One was contract to hire focused and the other is direct hire focused. I'm kind of taken aback at the amount of money that's offered by these positions. (this would be staying local) There's one that's like two miles from where I live right now and it uses my core technologies.

The constant recruiter contacts are starting to get kind of annoying.

Probably not a bad problem to have. :)

Seriously, what is with the constant calls and emails. Is this what it's like to be female on OLD?

It's like all these recruiters just want one thing.

More seriously.. anyway, I took a couple tech assessments from this one staffing company and I'm told I 'crushed' them, so that's pretty cool.

I really need to figure out whether I'm willing to move DD out of state this year.

Would breaking that decision down into a task list (like you did in the first post here) help? Research school, research home prices, talk to lawyer, etc. whatever you need to do to make a well informed decision?

I believe so. I have an appointment with one of my ICs. I have two--one I see every five weeks who initially helped me out a lot with handling the divorce and kid issues and is very evidence-based, interpersonal, etc; one almost exclusively does EMDR and I see her every 1-3 weeks. I'll be seeing the guy who helped me with the family stuff. I want to discuss the effect on my daughter of choosing to relocate now.

I have confidence that the other stuff will be OK--once I decide relocation is a serious option, I will get everything else done ASAP, and yeah, I think breaking it down and maybe even scheduling it will help me. I seem to do better when I plan things out.

Company in my preferred location wants to interview me (probably a phone screen). That's exciting. I obviously don't know if I want to work for them yet but this is the first time I've gotten an interview for direct hire based on a cold resume post!

Phone tech screen went well. This is for the position in what I was calling my preferred location. I found it really easy, actually, which is weird.

I talked to my IC today and came to the conclusion that I have enough time to figure out what I want to do, so I can go ahead and interview in this other location for example, and get more information about what it's like, but... I'm leaning towards staying here for the time being. I would need an extremely good opportunity to justify putting DD through such a huge change (parents in different states).

Isn't your ex planning on doing that to your daughter in a few years anyway?

Possibly.