SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

T/j

So then Im reading your profile thinking omg omg and she gets back together with him and REMARRIES this lunatic?!?! lol

OMG! I would SLIT my throat first!!! Definately married a DIFFERENT guy.

*Profile updated*

See tag line

RavenWood and sadtoo obviously are sneaky infamous master criminals at heart. I like it!

No, just had the unfortunate experience of being married to one and being on the shit end of the stick. He pulled every rotten trick in the book.

End T/j

[This message edited by sadtoo at 4:14 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]

ShiningAutumn, you are a genius!!

Just called and did that.

Since I said it was for tax purposes, he sent me last years ledger only. Im gonna be okay with that because it only goes back to July of 2013 so it's not the entire year. I guess I can assume that that is the date he opened it. He is paying $150 a month for a unit plus insurance on it. The date is only one month after his father and best friend died.

Now Im wondering if he is keeping stuff in there that was given to him by his best friends wife and he is hiding it.

Ugh!!! Still a little more info, but not enough. Keys are my next mission, but that too has to wait.

hmmmm, $150 would probably be a 10 x 15 or 10 x 20 I'd guess. Their website probably has the pricing info.

Nice job ShiningAutumn!!!!!

[This message edited by twisted at 5:47 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]

Could it be stuff he imherited from his dad that he doesnt want u to know about?

Timewise that would be the middle of the 1 yr PA he admits too. Which supports the theory its related to OW. Like either he had already decided to divorce and started concealing assets or helpes hwr out by storing her stuff.

I really like thw idea of u hiring a PI. To investigate the unit, and follow him.

If this storage unit is being used for the benefit of the OW, it is possible that the OP could recoup half of that money since he's been using marital funds to pay for it.

Hire a PI if you can afford it. You will have all the answers plus....

I am big on hiring a PI. Shop around and find a good one. Pay him in cash so there is no trace. Write a note/receipt where he acknowledges he has been paid $$ and YOU keep the receipt. Have him sign it.

Personally, I would have stopped at nothing to see the inside of that storage unit.

Do not tip your hand. Try to get the key. If you can't cut off the lock.

I would not have cared about the consequences. I would have to have seen what was inside.

He will not voluntarily let you in. He just won't

This is how I see it. Driving him there as a surprise and expecting him to break down & tell the truth in the parking lot will not work. Because he has shown that he just doesn't care. He would probably turn it around on her and make her feel all "controlling." He has demonstrated numerous times that he is really not terribly concerned with salvaging his marriage, I don't think there is any manner of confronting that will get the truth out of him.

I see this with BS's a lot. We find something...and rather than go with the most logical conclusion, we reach and stretch for ANY other possibility..and in the end...your first instinct is right.

The timing of when he got this unit is irrelevant. The point is, he is paying $150/month for this unit..and you had NO idea. ANY secrets after dday is a problem. It shows he is still hiding..still lying.

He has told you he wants to R...but has shown you nothing. He refuses the NC letter..because he is still in the affair.

He doesn't want to answer your questions unless you're in a room with a therapist because he is trying to put off talking to you about it.

He has a secret storage unit...close by OW's house..which is also close to his work..

It matters what is in the unit..because you must know if you need to protect yourself. But the fact he is hiding this from you is a HUGE problem.

If you confront him and he refuses to open it for you...you do understand if you stay after that...you will have another dday. Whatever he is hiding in their is detrimental to your marriage.

As for keeping shit of his dads or his BF in there...no..not buying that at all. He has a house. No need to secretly rent a storage unit for that.

[This message edited by confused615 at 5:35 AM, April 11th (Friday)]

So part of me wonders if this was one of those times where he did this for a friend (not OW) and "forgot" to tell me because he didn't think I needed to know.

Then he's also "forgetting" to tell you every single month when he shells out yet ANOTHER $150 for the storage unit. This guy's a real piece of work.

Good luck to you.

I really have to recommend a PI in this case.

The OP does not need to be going by herself to a storage unit place, tampering with it, breaking in, etc. She could get in trouble. Those places could be dangerous. A PI will know exactly what he can do within the confines of the law.

I suspect if yo hired a PI to do that, and to trail your husband for 3-4 days while he was "working", you'd uncover a wealth of information to support he is still lying and in the affair.

Please protect yourself OP. Forget about R at this time, and move into 180 protection mode.

See a lawyer too.

I have a storage unit - I started keeping important copies of papers in it in case I filed. As it turned out, we are not, so I will be closing it shortly.

A few thoughts:

- how does he pay? He either paid in cash upfront or has a secret cc if you aren't seeing it.

- The key code is the code to get into the grounds. Mine is a combinations of the unit number and a 4 digit code I picked out. You will still need a key. I have one key on my car keys (its with the fitness place locker key, so looks the same) and the other one is hidden.

- I like the idea of renting one in the same area so you get access. Or I guess you can use his access code, too.

- Don't use bolt cutters. Just a really bad idea. I think your best bet is to duplicate his keys and hire a PI. Send the PI the access code and all possible keys and have him document what is in there.

good luck. You can always hold out hope it is something related to his father's estate, but it certainly doesn't seem that way.

It bothers me that he didn't tell you about it. Especially since he's had it since July.

I just want to reiterate finding the source of payment would be a priority to me too.

If he's paying cash= highly suspicious!, assuming you have access to the family checking account and it's not showing up there or on a credit card, that means he has a secret bank account, or secret credit card, OR someone is else is paying for it.

I would be hesitant to show your cards now by demanding he show it to you. He probably won't and you have gained no information and tipped your hand.

Find the funding and you'll find what else he has been paying for that he doesn't want you to know.

How about a credit report online for you both? That would show any credit card in his name.

$150 sounds like quite a bit of money. Does he normally carry that much extra cash around that it wouldn't be noticed? Or would it have to be paid with a card or check or something.

[This message edited by k9lover1 at 11:02 AM, April 11th (Friday)]

Forget the PI and put a GPS tracker on his car which will tell you better than a PI where he is 24/7. When and how often does he go to the unit? How long does he stay? Where does he go right before and after ? Does he go to OW's place? A wealth if info! Get one that tells you live time over the internet.

Is the car just in his name? Tough! He isn't gonna take you to court claiming you illegally snooped to accurately verify he's the planet's biggest asshole. Those cases don't happen.

And this is just me but once I got into the unit, I'd rearrange stuff and never bring up being there for the courtesy of renting the thing and paying monthly in secret. If I found a creepy luv crash, I'd take a dump on the bed. Head in jar or women drugged and chained gets cops right after unintended dump. One way or the other, you need to get out there ASAP. We've all had to accept we never knew our WS the way we thought we did and somebody could be in danger.

Be safe.

Eta: I'm not sure the PI would go and access the unit without the unit owner's express permission. Frankly, it probably depends on how business has been and what kind of bills they have to pay.

Also, what about you "lost your key" so call a locksmith to meet you there? No, you don't want it cut blah blah blah. Have the tax statement in your purse to show locksmith proof of unit lease.

[This message edited by seriouslylostit at 12:02 PM, April 11th (Friday)]

I was a P.I.

No, a reputable one cannot break any laws you yourself can't break. In other words, you can't hire a P.I. to snoop around someplace he's not legally allowed, or to access property he's not legally allowed to access. (I am a female, I'm only saying he cause it's easier to write)

P.I. are good for pulling up background checks (I recommend doing this, it can show all kinds of things and known associates), doing surveillance (I recommend this also). They cannot GPS a car without the owner's permission, they cannot GPS a person either. The way some people get around this is for the spouse to GPS the car and then the spouse call the PI and say "he's on this street, okay now he's here," and direct the P.I. during a surveillance. All P.I.s also though will "not want to know this" know what I mean?? They won't want to know you GPS the car, but they aren't in trouble if you are just calling saying you know he's at xyz place.

So, I highly recommend starting with a background check, a very thorough one, like a CLEAR report.

I cant afford a PI right now. The idea of a GPS on his car sounds like a good idea, but now I have to research that. The cost of one that will do what I need it to do and how to install it.

So much is not immediate and I am struggling to be patient. He wont be home until tomorrow, so I can try to access his car to locate the keys to the unit then. And then I can plan my next move then.

I have a couple of hours before I see the therapist. Im angry and frustrated.

My impulse is to confront him now, but I know I should wait. Im struggling with going against my instincts and waiting because I have been stifling my gut for way too long.

I have already seen a lawyer so I have that exit plan ready to go, should I need to.

I wish there was a magic answer that would make this waiting easier, but there just isn't. All I can advise you is to try to focus on other things - don't let this consume you. Even if you take back one minute at a time, do that.

The storage unit will still be there tomorrow, so just try to be patient and it will all work out in the end.

I understand why you feel angry and frustrated. Try to get into 'performance' mode, role play yourself as super cool spy that knows how to stay at least two moves ahead of her opponent. Don't be too supercool, otherwise he smell a rat, perhaps be a touch clingy and dependent to throw him off the scent. It's of course very intriguing what might be inside, (and I confess to being curious like everyone else), but it is not the only 'key' to uncovering/ revealing his sham-mery in the marriage. He sounds very secretive indeed, and therefore honing your investigative and performance skills sounds crucial, and empowering. Maybe even strangely entertaining.

However, since he has moved out and NC, presumably a condition of marriage, refused, you can take that as an explicit statement from him and act accordingly, in terms of getting balls rolling and your ducks in a row sorted behind the scenes, IMO, and be ready to file, & 'sequester' all assets for when you need to.

$150 per month sound like a lot of $. My current H & I had one for our overflow stuff before we moved and ours was $70. It was approximately the size of a one car garage. Your WS's must be one BIG storage unit. Plus, that's at least $1200 he's spent in marital funds (not including insurance or the contents)