I agree with the path of this discussion, "butterflies" mean varied things. Those flutterings when I"m happy to see the guy I'm dating are good. But a flutter on a first date can mean danger. I read somewhere that if woman is interested in a guy sexually first…that is all it will be. Women fall for guys via our brain, so if the attraction is physical, then it is doubtful it will ever be much else. On the flip side, guys tend to be attracted to visual first. If they are intellectually attracted first, and the visual isn't there, it is doubtful that it will turn into something else.
It is amazing men and women get together, because instant attraction is different, although the end result (wanting both intellectual and physical attraction) is the same.
So, how do you deal with (in my case) men, who aren't looking that deep? My solution, like you guys, is to realize this isn't meeting my emotional needs and move on.
*If* this current guy showed more interest, I'd probably be interested. But, since his pace is quite slow and not the "pursuer type", it chills my interest down to a friendship level. We are supposed to get together within the next week to go hit golfballs. His "pace" is different than my "pace", therefore I'm going to friend zone him, get to know him, and pursue other opportunities where there is more relationship potential that meets my needs.
The deal is, *I* want a relationship. I don't do well in slow paced, gray area relationships. I look at relationships like a ping-pong game. Two people have to be playing and lobbing back and forth for the game to continue.