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justasinger (original poster member #43031) posted at 6:11 AM on Monday, April 21st, 2014
Ok, so just over a year ago (2 months after dday #2) my WSO thought it would be a good idea to jump in a car with a friend and go to Oklahoma for a couple of weeks. When she got home, she spent about two hours sitting on the opposite side of the room from the bed and stated it was because she thought I had 'had' someone else in 'our' bed. Since that time she's made a lot of comments about me not touching her or wanting to have coitus (sorry, watching Big Bang theory a lot lately), and it dawned on me that I could use her not wanting to sit on 'our' bed , to explain to her why I don't want to be intimate with her. So why do I keep holding back, why can't I just tell her these things???
BSO -me 38
WSO - her 30
2x DD ages 6 and 4
D-day #1 APR08 (supposed ONS w/OM)
D-day #2 1JAN13 2x ONS w/OM and OW, and a ONS
D-day #3 22APR14 (admitted to another ONS that she didn't fess up to during DDay #2)
Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 7:16 AM on Monday, April 21st, 2014
So she takes off for a couple of weeks unexpectedly it sounds like, after having ONS's and its YOUR fault? What is she doing to fix her issues of seeing om. She needs to keep focus on the one that cheated, HER. Don't let her place blame on you and some lame ass accusation. Why did you bite your tongue? Are you afraid of upsetting her?
BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:34 PM on Monday, April 21st, 2014
Sounds like you still need to find your voice.
It is not OK for you to just sit silently, and accept whatever vomit she spews in your general direction. If she is starting to see what she has done, and is looking for direction you have to give it. She's not a mind reader, no WS is, and honestly when they are foggy for a while, they are a bit (ok a lot) emotionally retarded.
Sometimes they need a road map, and detailed list.
Find your voice, it will give you strength.
((((and strength))))
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
justasinger (original poster member #43031) posted at 6:17 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
I think I post too much... Sorry for not getting back to this thread, it's hard for me to keep track of them. I haven't figured out how to get it to email me when a new message comes in. I did find my voice, and used this thought process on her on the 22nd (DDay 3). She really hasn't done anything to negate seeing the OM's or the OW. I'm moving into the spare room for now, telling her I need some space and some time to digest everything, before I can decide if this is even worth trying to fix. Thanks to everyone here at SI, I might add.
BSO -me 38
WSO - her 30
2x DD ages 6 and 4
D-day #1 APR08 (supposed ONS w/OM)
D-day #2 1JAN13 2x ONS w/OM and OW, and a ONS
D-day #3 22APR14 (admitted to another ONS that she didn't fess up to during DDay #2)
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 6:23 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
I haven't figured out how to get it to email me when a new message comes in.
When you start a post, there's a check box between the message area and the Preview and Submit buttons labelled "Notify me via email on responses." It's only there when you start a new topic, however.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
justasinger (original poster member #43031) posted at 6:26 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
that's good to know, would be nice if you could get notified when it's a topic you are just a responder too though.
BSO -me 38
WSO - her 30
2x DD ages 6 and 4
D-day #1 APR08 (supposed ONS w/OM)
D-day #2 1JAN13 2x ONS w/OM and OW, and a ONS
D-day #3 22APR14 (admitted to another ONS that she didn't fess up to during DDay #2)
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