SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Made: You got good advise here. Just remember, you'll never get the response you desire and deserve so why bother trying (speaking to myself too here since I will be tempted to write a final swan song as well....you can smack me when I post it here). Peace brother you are doing great.

Thanks everyone. I will continue with crickets tomorrow for sure.

(speaking to myself too here since I will be tempted to write a final swan song as well....you can smack me when I post it here).

All good brother, I know the feeling. It's easy to know how to advise others and another to take that advice. I think It'll get better with time and distance. Thanks for having my back JIPT, and I will have yours.

If you think you should tell her, then tell her.

Why you think that is another matter entirely.

Valid point Merlin. I guess I'm still somewhat in the mindset that she "matters" in my life. I know she's gone, and I know I'll be leaving her in my rear view. Hell, I look forward to ripping that rear-view mirror off the windshield entirely. I'm glad I made this post because before, it didn't occur to me that there was any alternative than to keep her in the loop. Old habits die hard even when those habits drop you. I will remain silent. Giving her any unnecessary communication gives her power she so does not deserve.

You're in exactly the same situation I was. My ex didn't show up for court or do anything except sign the paperwork I emailed him to sign.

I heard from a mutual friend that he didn't even bother to open the summons that the court sent him about our trial.

The court mailed us both copies of the final decree. That's all the more notification he needed in my opinion I was way past being his secretary.

I'm glad I made this post because before, it didn't occur to me that there was any alternative than to keep her in the loop.

Until you did this post, it never occurred to me to inform him.

Reading some of the others posts, you aren't the only one that informs their spouse of their D.

Then again, enough on here felt like me too!

Do what makes you comfortable.

(speaking to myself too here since I will be tempted to write a final swan song as well....you can smack me when I post it here).

Me too. For the longest time I imagined move out day as this teary, soap opera worthy, clinging to one another in a final embrace as we part ways and say how sorry we are and how much we love each other and it should have worked out, etc.

Then I started to 180 and detach. I don't know what it's going to look like now, but it isn't going to be soap opera worthy.

NC all the way buddy. Like someone up thread said - you'll never get the response you are looking for.

Good job staying on the high road.

If it were me I would give her a chance to tell me why? Why she gave up on the relationship and coldly brought the axe down on all the years of shared memories.

I suppose now you are divorced she would be less inclined to lie.

As others have said its up to you. As I mentioned in your other post it also depends on your need for some closure, or at least a degree of curiosity concerning her actions.

If it were me I would give her a chance to tell me why?

He'd be giving her a chance to blameshift and rugsweep. Remember who he (and we) are dealing with.

D is final, and I'm staying quiet. She'll figure it out and she can ask me if she wants. I'm done!

OK Now - I see your point, but honestly, I don't know that there's anything she could say that would be good for me to hear. The damage is done, and silence speaks volumes.

If it were me I would give her a chance to tell me why

In our minds, that's what we'd love to hear.

To have our xWS have some sort of epiphany when they get the D papers and finall, FINALLY clue us in.

In reality, it probably goes more like this:

XWS sees letter from the court on the counter, ignores it, then says to self, "Hmmm...I could go for tacos today....".

As much as we'd like to think we're on their minds, that is RARELY the case.

GabyBaby - Now I want tacos

Guess who showed up in my inbox this morning. Still all about her. "When do I have to get new dental and vision?" Umm, I already told you all you needed to know like several times. "So, I guess everything went well yesterday (regarding D finalization)?" Me: No thanks to you you ungrateful POS! Nah, all I actually said was "yes." That is all. One word, no more.

She knows. We're done on the subject.