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I really appreciate all of the responses. We had a little talk before he left for work this morning. He has the weekend off, I'm still a little worried to have the real talk. I'm trying to put my mind in a good strong place before we do. But I will definitely update when it finally comes out. I think instead of freaking out on him with whatever he has to say, I will just be calm.... and then probably freak out on SI.

[This message edited by kate0421 at 9:30 AM, May 18th, 2014 (Sunday)]

Kate0421 - I am sending you strength. I cannot say how much knowing the boarders of the affairs and betrayals helps healing. You can put a fence around them and deal with it. I had to rearrange my fence as I saw how the wayward behaviors really affected so much in my life but I could see it for was it was when I knew what it was.

With that said, hang in there. Have a good freak out. It's allowed. No violence toward people though. Cups and clothes and pillows and treadmills and weeds - well have at those things.

I will be thinking about you.

Ok so we talked. Friday night we had such a good time with our kids and watched the movie The Nut Job, I didn't want to ruin it with A talk. Last night we had pre plans and didn't get home till after 1am, not the best time for a talk. So this morning I sucked it up and asked him to talk. We have talked for a little over 2 hours and I think I have it all. Not sure because I had to keep repeating what I had to make sure I was getting and understanding everything correctly. So here it goes, I need to get it all out whiles it's swarming around in my head, I apologize if it's too long.

So dday. He had a ONS with a girl when we wernt together, after we got back together he ran into her at a bar and they were pretty wasted and went back to her apartment. Then about a year later he ran into her friend (the one who is super hot and prettier than me) at some drug party thing and when they left he had sex with her in the back on a pool deck.

The TT: when we weren't together he hung around this bar/drug crowd. These 2 girls were a part of it and they were roomates. He went to their apartment with a few of these friends to smoke and drink and then OW1 gave him her number. It was on matches but he said he never kept them. Then one night after drinking and all he was at the bar and she was there. He followed her home and they had sex in her living room. I didn't ask for the positions. He had suspicion that they were strippers or something because she tried to give him A lap dance and oh there bodies were awesome. . So then we got back together after this. About a week after we had started talking but before we moved in together(but we had sex) again he was at the bar and he got a BJ but didn't finish, and then had sex with her in the parking lot in her car. So now we are moved back in together, I went out of town and he went out to the bar and ran into her. All his friend knew that we were back together. I asked him how and he said he was telling everyone because he was happy. So she knew he had gotten back with me. He was at the bar with a pitcher she came up and got a glass and they drank it together like a little cute fucking couple . He then again followed her home to her apartment. They had sex in her room. He was having problems and she kept asking him what was wrong. I asked why he though he was having problems and he said he thinks it was a combination of things. He was feeling guilty and wrong and when he was trying to just do it she was trying to be all fun and try different positions and stuff but he didn't want to. So she finally just stopped trying to do different positions and he said in the middle he had a hard time for awhile but then eventually finished. She went to the bathroom and he got up and left. He remembers waking up on our couch and waking up to shower feeling gross. So at this time we moved into a bigger home but not further away, just down the road. He said he is going to work in the time line for me because we lived in this house for almost 3 years. But while we were living here estimating around a year later, he went out and ran into one of the guys from that group of people ( he stopped hanging around that bar and group of people) he had drink with him and the friend and roommate of OW1 was their. She came up to him and was flirting saying comments like how she heard he was a good fuck and such . They went outside by her car to smoke some weed. She started rubbing on his junk and touching him. He said he was drunk and she was really really attractive and it got him horny. There was talk of everyone going back to one of these guys houses and having some smoke out drinking drug party thing. They all left including OW2. He stayed and finished a few drinks. Then he decided to just pop up over there ( I know he was going because he was horny and knew she would be there). So after chilling for awhile he said he was leaving and was walking outside through the back. She was leaving too ( how convenient) he says he doesn't remember the details of how it ended up at sex but it did . He thinks she was trying to give him her number or something like that.

He says he has never called or contacted them. One time when we wernt together OW1 got his number from someone and tried to call him. But it was weird so she didn't try that approach anymore. Says he hasn't seen or talked to then since.

Wow So sorry but now you have it...What now?

I'm not sure. I'm feeling kinda numb right now. I've been getting some spring cleaning done. I had to turn my emotions off to get through the talk. I just don't want to turn them back on. I know any moment or day they are going to come flooding back. But I guess I'm just enjoying this while it lasts.

It takes awhile to process new info. You'll probably run through a whole fun cycle of emotions. Ask him more questions as needed.

Kate, Be PROUD. YOU did something that was very difficult for you. Be PROUD. HE did something that had to be incredibly difficult for him.

This isn't a new event, this isn't something he just did. This happened when you knew he was having A's, and being very very unworthy of your love.

He IS NOW doing the right things. Being honest, doing the work, and giving you all the gruesome details of how it happened. So NOW you know. Does it change what he is doing now? Does it change what he did then?

He is doing rehab for alcohol, and drugs right? Because I see a consistent pairing of this with his infidelity. The other good thing about this is, it was all about sex, and feeling good. IT wasn't about having a relationship with these people. He wasn't building friendships, or LT relationships. Personally I think that makes it a bit easier to deal with.

You are doing amazing. Keep strong. Keep your focus on the prize, a better, stronger, happier marriage.

(((and strength))))

Thank you tushnurse. He doesn't do rehab for drugs or alcohol. The reason i actually left him for those 2 months was because he started to do cocaine. I didn't know he had a problem and was hiding it from me. When I found out why he was being so weird and irresponsible, that's when I took our son and left him. I had no tolerance for it. He called saying he loves me and that he was with someone but couldn't do it ( he did). After we were together he was struggling with himself alot and maybe slipped twice when a friend would offer. He started drinking heavy around this time. But for The last few years he has been completely clean of it. He has no desire for it. He stopped drinking liquor all on his own a few years ago. I just thought one too many hangovers did it, but now I understand more of why he actually quite drinking. Alot of what I know now is really falling into place with everything. It's starting to make sense about the time frames and what was going on in our lives. I feel so humiliated though. Especially since they knew of me. Oh and they happen to live near us at the time. I'm feeling so hurt. And I learned a little more about OW1. All he knows is that she was moving back to the east coast. She had just gotten out of a long relationship had two kids and didn't have custody. Apparently they lived on the east coast of fl and she moved to the west coast but was going back. He says the time she tried to call him he made it clear he wasn't looking for anything that what happened happened and that it. That's why it got weird. Idk I feel just gross now. I feel like they must have looked so amazingly sexy or their body's must have been perfect for him to risk losing me. I don't want him to look at me in that way anymore. I usually sleep undressed but now I cant.