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So I'm over a month from dday, the mind movies have settled down considerably, WH are getting along for the most part. Only one big fight since dday. I still generally live in a shitty state of generally being sad but I know it takes time... Things are getting better, very slowly, but I think they are getting better. So why did I have a full on panic attack at work tonight?!? I was checking in a patient, totally mundane, and out of nowhere got a visual of WH in the act with her. I had to run to the bathroom to calm down. I thought I was past this..

We have the same d-day date, although my WH had a few week affair that I discovered. He also did the same thing 15 years before. I think some of the visual images that return for me are from PTSD often. The incident is a traumatic shock to the system, and our minds don't know how to process it so we get these processing doses intermingled with regular feelings. I'm so exhausted from it all, and I wish I had some control too. I had no control over anything that happened, and somehow I think that is part of these images knocking me over the head without me being able to control them too. I think it's perhaps a chance to at least begin to control myself.

Emmadean and Ibuzz, I am truly sorry that you both find yourselves here, but there is no better place to share all the experiences yet to come. At one month out I was still in shock. I would read the statement that it would take 2 to 5 years to heal from infidelity, but did not really believe that would apply to me. Now, 8 months later I am starting to accept that it will be closer to 5 years.

Please be good to yourself, you will have many moments that knock you down and you will have good and bad days. It takes time to process what has happened to your life.

Enjoy today

I hate those feelings. I'm also starting to get really tired of feeling like this on a daily basis.

Just wanted to let you know you've been heard. Big hugs.

That is, I'm afraid, fairly normal. You've had a trauma and you will have a form of PTSD for a while. The best you can hope for is that you can manage them and with time, they apparently get less frequent. Good luck.

{{Emmadean}} This is going to take much longer than you would imagine to get better.

I woke up in the middle of the night a couple of nights ago, from a bad A related dream, and had a panic attack... really bad one. I'm 21 months out and things are going really good for fWH and I at the moment.

I think we have to accept that we are mentally, physically and emotionally processing a major trauma... it's going to take YEARS for all the symptoms to fade. Sad, but true.

Agree with others that this takes more time. Three years out, R going very well, and I still trigger on occasion. Not often, not full on panic attacks, but it still happens. Don't beat yourself up for not being past it -- just deal with these things as they come, and it will get better.

[This message edited by Restartting at 1:59 PM, May 26th (Monday)]

Give yourself time and a break. That is absolutely, positively normal, if you ask me anyway. It will take a lot of time. At one month out, many folks are still frozen, and haven't begun to feel or process. I know I went on autopilot survival mode after d day and for some months to come. then eventually i let myself start to feel and process more of the A pain.

be gentle with yourself.

Thanks for the support and letting me know this is normal... I know it will take a long time, I just hate when the panic seems to strike out of nowhere. I just want to have one normal day. Is that too much to ask for?

Thanks for listening :)

Emmadean,

As you have read it is normal. I was still having panic attacks 4 yrs post dday. I will say however, they have gotten a little more mild with the passage of time. They hit when every, and where ever they want to. Some times with triggers, sometimes not as you described. Be patient with yourself. Share the even with your WS. Let him know what is going on. His reaction to your panic attack will also let you know how committed he is on R.

Hugs to you.