So against the advice of the smart and kind folks on SI and my therapist, I wrote the OW a letter and I actually sent it.
I just felt so out of control, and by that I mean that I felt like I was a victim. This wasn't an angry letter. I just felt that since I didn't have a say so in who else my WH brought into our marriage, I felt like I needed to have my voice heard with regard to what was to happen going forward.
I battled with this for a while. I wrote it and re-wrote it. I sat on it and re-read it over and over and the more I thought about it the more I felt like I needed to send it.
I don't expect her to care. I didn't send it for her to empathize with me, but I could not let her go on without hearing my voice and my thoughts about her and this situation.
It bugged the shit out of me that she, who never cared or thought of me before or during her A with my WH, could just go on and continue to pretend that I didn't exist.
The letter is below: I sent it via snail mail without a return address. I didn't use names in the letter, except for hers, and I also emailed it using an anonymous email client so she doesn't have my email address and she cant respond.
This wasn't about having correspondence with her at all. I don't care to hear a word she has to say. She just needed to hear from me and heed my warning. I wanted her to be slightly scared and aware of me and my power to make things difficult for her should she consider contacting my WH again.
Here it is...
You don't know me personally but since you have been having an affair with my husband for the last several years, you know who I am. And unless you are fucking several other married men you know which husband I am referring to.
He has tried to convince me that you have some sort of understanding that there is to be no more contact, relationship or “friendship” between the two of you, physical or emotional, ever again.
Well, since my husband is a liar and a cheat, I have no confidence that that understanding is actually true.
Since I had no say-so in whether or not you fucked my husband and tried to destroy my marriage, I will have a say-so in whether or not you try to infiltrate my family again.
I have had the displeasure of finding out things about you and it seems as though you have spent a lot of time and energy building a reputation of some sort as a clairvoyant. Did you not see this coming? You charge a lot of money as a master manipulator. You manipulated my husband. You manipulated him with your so-called friendship and you masterfully manipulated him into becoming his fuck buddy. Don't misunderstand, I hold him 100% responsible for his disgusting and shameful acts against our marriage. But you helped him commit the crime.
What self-respecting woman is okay with being kept a secret? What self-respecting woman allows herself to be the other woman? What self-respecting woman, who has her own child, would try to ruin the lives of other innocent children?
I just want you to know that you have successfully contributed to ripping our family to shreds. I know you don't care and I know you won’t lose sleep over this. You have no heart. But you have broken the hearts to two innocent little boys who did not deserve this. You played a role in this betrayal of my marriage and you are NOT a good person. You are a very damaged person who should seek professional help. You have no love for family. You have no self respect. What you did was calculating and heartless and I hope one day Karma comes back to bite you.
Your existence on this beautiful planet has proven to be destructive and harmful and no amount of good deeds via your psychic services can erase what you have helped to destroy. I hope that you are drowning in regret and guilt now, even though you weren't when you were committing adultery with my husband.
I hope that you hate yourself for what you have done. Because you should. I personally do not hate you. I pity you. Again, only a broken, hateful human being would participate in such a selfish act for so long.
You have a son, and I would assume, friends along with your psychic fan-base. I would hope that you take my message not as a threat but as a promise to make it my mission to destroy your professional reputation should you try to make contact with my husband again. I’m sure you are an expert at keeping secrets since you enjoyed being a dirty little secret for so long. If you don't want your son to find out what you have been doing, stay away.
Take my message to heart. This means no texts, no phone calls, no e-mails and no in-person contact of any kind. Let’s hope for your sake you don't accidentally run into him somewhere.
My children don't need this pain dragged out any more. Do something right with your life and leave my family alone.
Sincerely,
His Wife