SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I hope the recent discoveries only strengthened your resolve. He's beyond cake eating.

Glad you saw a lawyer. Probably not a lot of fun, but you sure know a whole lot more now, don't you? No fear = strength + knowledge = power. WH is in no position to bullshit you now, is he?

If you see some new poster here who you know needs to see a lawyer, tell them you survived the experience without too much pain.

You're going to need someone good at accounting or at least bookkeeping to figure out how much of your money he spent on her. And, you'll probably need those figures to keep your own home equity.

We have reeeeeaaaaaallllllly similar story, holy crap!!!

Bump to see how it's going. Did he get the vapors when he got the divorce papers? Or get all hissy fit on you.

This scenario has been bothering me-a kept OW at your expense. He deserves nothing but contempt..

Sorry to bother you in a time of distress.

Thank you Schadenfreude for your concern. I’m typing this message as I’m in total emotional distress. I feel all alone and can’t seem to control myself this morning. Yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster day for me. Before I get to it, I just want to say that since I last wrote I found more damning stuff and I confronted my husband about it. At first he denied everything like before but he now knows that he cannot bullsh**t me any longer. I still don’t know everything but I’m at the point I cannot do this to myself anymore.

Anyways, it must be divorce season because my attorney has been in court all week and hasn’t even written the draft for me to review. He is aware of everything that’s going on and he said he is working on it and I should have at least a draft this week. This really sucks because my husband is really putting the pressure on me to reconcile and not file and his explanation for not telling me everything was that the more I knew the more hurt I would be. I have explained to him that as long as I keep finding things out the more difficult it will be for us to reconcile because after yesterday I am more than determined to get out.

Yesterday we went to MC. The counselor had been on vacation so it had been two weeks since we saw her. We were calm when we went in and had even been having a decent week together. She asked how everything was going. He told her that everything was going great that we were on the path of healing and I just looked at him. She saw by my body language that something was not right. I told her that we really needed IC because she would never get the real truth out of us if we met together. He is a great salesman and neither him or I would truthfully disclose our true feelings if we were together in fear of retaliation. She explained there were rules to MC but I told her she never told us about rules and that my husband is the type of guy who would twist my words and use them against me. After that I couldn’t hold back and I spilled out how I felt. If you could’ve seen her face she was in total shock and I thought I might need to comfort her than me. I had told her about everything I found, about contacting the lawyer, etc. My husband went on the defense, like he usually does when he feels he is being attacked. He shot back at me that he had been unhappy many years and had even stated that he had been thinking about having an affair for over 6 years which was a shock to both of us. That really hurt!!! We were way over our time limit at this point and that’s how we ended our MC session. A total wreck. An emotional wreck. We were better off before we started.

The entire day he was on good behavior. He says he didn’t mean it the say it came out. He wanted to take me out. He wants to prove to me that he still loves me. He will be the best husband that any wife could have. We went to a local fair because it was better to be out than to be at home. I was able to get my emotions back on track and pretend everything was just fine.

I kept telling the MC that I didn’t think I could be a wife to him. I kept saying it over and over. I keep thinking it over and over in my head. Even if we reconciled I would keep thinking about it. Now more than ever I need some space but I’m here. Hopefully the attorney gets back to me this week. I think their strategy is to give me time to think about divorce and not rush. I keep going back and forth but today I’m going to be OK.

Thanks again Schadenfreude for checking in on me. I needed to express my feelings and I have stopped crying and will get ready for church. I will update you later when I get the papers. Hopefully it will be soon.

He's scared the fun and games may have ended for him. But he's thinking about hell support himself in the style he and any new OW he cons would like to be accustomed to. MC and all that is fine, but he seems to be beyond reconciliation. He's a volcano of stewing resentment that he can't play the sugar daddy role on his own without your unwitting financial backing. Wanted an A for six years? Get a real job and support yourself, jackass.

Sorry, he really makes me mad. Big time big shot role player. Lied to you and lied to her. Think about at.

Yesterday, attorney finally sent me papers to file for divorce which I signed and returned. Why am I feeling guilty? WH has been putting the pressure on me. Hovering over me and spending money on things for me that I know he cannot afford trying to “buy” me back. Too bad he didn’t do this in the past. He wants us to plan our future together. Plan a vacation or weekend getaway or for us to buy bicycles so we can go riding on weekends. Why now?

We have already been to see a MC but to prove to me that he is truly serious and has changed he went to see our pastor on Monday so he could confess his sins. Afterwards he wanted me to go see pastor with him. We went to see pastor last night and I was kind of nervous. Thought he was going to give me the talk about “honor thy husband” or “for good times and bad times, till die do us part” and all that other stuff.

First both my WH and I met together with pastor, then he wanted to speak to me alone.

To my surprise he told me that Jesus and the bible was on “my side.” That God understood my pain and anguish and God would support whatever decision I made. He stated that WH was clearly in the wrong and God used me and provided me with the necessary evidence to set me free. Pastor also said that God used me to get to my WH conscience so that he would realize that what he had done was wrong. He also said that whatever my decision God would be there for me.

Afterwards he called my WH into room and he told him that want he did was wrong. That if I decided to stay it would take time (months or even years, not days) to heal. That I would have triggers and that he would have to be patient with me. He also told WH that if I decided to leave that God would be with me. He also told WH that God would forgive him for his sins.

You should also know that the pastor asked me if I could forgive my WH. I was honest and told him straight out that I don’t know what I would do tomorrow but today NO I cannot forgive or forget what my WH did to me. That’s for God to do. I’m only human. He thanked me for my honesty and I actually was glad that I went to see the pastor. My WH’s strategy kind of backfired on him but it did me some good.

I’m still on the “fence” on what to do. My attorney stated that I can rescind papers at any time but for now I am not. I’m waiting for papers to be filed (which should happen this week or next) and I will be the one to serve them to WH. We still have a long way to go. I’m looking out for me now and as of now, I still want out.

Not "hovering" but instead "Hoovering". Look it up here. It's acting nice enough to suck you back in. Named after the vacuum cleaner.

Good for you. You can exit this mess with your head held high. The pastoral counseling session was a good idea as you didn't get some "til death do us part" propagandist lecturing you. Infidelity is recognized in New Testament as grounds for divorce. Apparently God is smart enough to realize there are certain things that people, given human nature, just can't necessarily forgive.

And in your case it wasn't just his, um, er, physical desires. It was some need for the ego stroke of playing sugar daddy when he lacked the means to do so. For a ball less wonder, he sure had balls. On your dime, too.

I'm sure there were good points. But, to paraphrase The Lord Jesus, you can't build a house on a foundation of sand.

I hope you and your lawyer work well to en d his farce off a marriage. Remember, though, you promised me you'd tell some future poster that seeing a lawyer isn't the end of the world!

I'm so glad your pastor was supportive!!! You can do this. It will be hard but it will be worth it. strength to you!!

He's hovering or rather hoovering and putting on the full court press because he is at great risk of losing his blind, innocent, ego kibble and financial source. That would be you. He is trying to blast you with love bombing in an effort to get you to ignore the vast and stunning betrayal and character disordered self.

He did not withhold the information to protect you BTW. That was also a full on effort to protect himself and his status quo. He knew if you saw the full magnitude of his betrayal and dishonorable actions he'd lose you...AS HE SHOULD!

He is not genuinely remorseful. He's fully in cover his ass mode.

Have him served and if he really becomes remorseful, goes through months of IC, gets his own place and handles his own finances while showing real effort to change his core character to get you back, then you can think about it. Until then, protect yourself, put yourself first, respect yourself even if he does not respect you and let him know that you are worth a real man's love and what is offering simply isn't worth your time or effort as he is now.

HUGS

Exactly....