SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I agree with what you say, but that will not change the facts, that she might have had an affair or is thinking about it with a coworker.

True but it is a two way street. In other words, if softballer makes sexual advances she might just pull away(doubt it, she is satiating her desire with softballer and some toys). To me, this indicates she is up to something if she pulls away. Could be the toys are just her thing or possibly someone else is in the picture. However, on the other side of the street she could respond like a firecracker and all of this is one big misunderstanding. If so, continue on the path that peaks her sexual desires.

All indications from the first post with the 9 different sexual encounters and 8 orgasm in 4 hours session with softballer would tell me she is not up to anything.

[This message edited by Ohmyword at 1:40 PM, June 12th (Thursday)]

she doesn't understand why but she is in the mood all the time we have had sex about 9 times in the last week with one session lasting 4 hours and during one session she had 8 orgasms.

She is obviously desires you attention and has come to you to fulfill her need. That is a positive thing!

If I'm not mistaken women's hormones peak later in life as men peak early in life. Possible this is hormonal?

Just to clarify I have always had the higher sex drive, if it were up to me it would happen every day. I almost always satisfy her first and from what I have been reading she orgasms way above average(This is not faked either). Our previous normal sessions would last around an hour to an hour and a half. Unless it was a quickie and even then 15 to 30 minutes.

I know she is completely satisfied as we are real open about what we do and how we do it. We have always mixed things up and have been real adventurous with new ideas, positions etc.

I believe unfortunately we have our best communication in the bedroom. That is why when things changed I knew something was going on and it was her fatigue and my snoring that supposedly got us off course for everything but the last two months of the last 5 years. ??

Just to clarify I have always had the higher sex drive, if it were up to me it would happen every day. I almost always satisfy her first and from what I have been reading she orgasms way above average(This is not faked either). Our previous normal sessions would last around an hour to an hour and a half. Unless it was a quickie and even then 15 to 30 minutes.

I know she is completely satisfied as we are real open about what we do and how we do it. We have always mixed things up and have been real adventurous with new ideas, positions etc.

I believe unfortunately we have our best communication in the bedroom. That is why when things changed I knew something was going on and it was her fatigue and my snoring that supposedly got us off course for everything but the last two months of the last 5 years. ??

I think the affair if it happened took place during those years.

Softballer, many times you have to read between the lines and look for hints at what is really going on.

It does look like there is a thought of her wanting to have an affair at the very least. Otherwise she never ever would have basically told you she would be fine having sex with another guy.

I do believe that was her way of testing you, seeing how you would react. And usually, someone is going to do what they want to do anyway, whether you asked her not to or not.

Others have said you should hold off and not confront her at this time. I know it is killing you inside to confront her right now.

But that could backfire. She could be having an affair and you confronting her without enough evidence could make her far more cautious if she is having an affair.

She can lie out of almost anything you have at this time, even the dating service. That is not proof she met anyone.

Getting solid proof before confronting her could be the best thing to do. On the other hand, talking to her now could stop an affair, but you already told her you did not want her having sex with other guys and you didnt want any other woman.

So you already said those things.

You can possibly find a way to read her deleted texts and track where she does go during lunch hours.

In the summer, what will she be doing all day when school is out.

Well, if your snoring is keeping her up it would explain the fatigue.

Personally I would lay low and look for an shred of evidence something is going on. Lie detector tests and such at this stage would not be a good idea IMO.

I think question is...what has happened in the past 2 months that made the turn around from the past 5 years?

Further, she has come to you with toys and sexual fulfillment recently as you posted. Good thing in my book.

Work on some communication outside the bedroom.

Another important question. Do you have a plan for what you will do if she is having an affair, if she says yes or if you find out.

Do you stay together and work through this. Instant divorce. Or stop the affair and go from there.

Softballer:

The behaviors you have described over time suggest the possibility of your wife being bipolar, with a past period of depression and low sexual interest, followed by the current period of excessively high sexual interest, which could represent high libido resulting from a current mannic episode. This would, of course, require professional diagnosis.

Please Google "Bipolar Symptoms" and read carefully. There are something like 10 indicator symptoms. My wife hit 7 of them, and her most recent mannic episode was horrifying. I feel obligated to mention that those suffering severe mannic symptoms can be dangerous, although I don't see that in your description of her behavior. Please do your homework on this, just in case.

A visit by you to a knowledgeable counselor may also be appropriate to get a professionally grounded opinion. The bipolar condition is treatable, if diagnosed by a psychiatrist or other qualified person.

I am not saying she is bipolar, I am saying is is a possibility which should be considered and evaluated before jumping to other conclusions which will not lead to treatment if necessary.

Best regards,

BYE-Polar

The dating app is the most concerning piece of info.

Sex toys -- at my age, the right BOB is the only way to ensure I can O. Doing so by myself is enjoyable. Even if it doesn't make me O, I still really enjoy sex w my H, however.

Snoring -- can't blame her there. When I put on weight I snore and my H goes to sleep in his man cave. Because it's impossible for him to sleep thru it. And I can't tell when I'm snoring, either.

Asking about threesomes -- don't know if that indicates she's having an affair, thinking about an affair, or just sexually curious. Maybe even talking about it is a turn on for her. Now if she persists even after you have said No Way, then I'd be concerned.

So I think there's stuff to be alert to and the dating app is really concerning, but other stuff that may not be indicating an affair.

she has asked if I ever would be interested in sleeping with another girl and told me she would consider another guy only if I was fine with it.

Softballer - Did you take this as she was asking about a threesome...or was she asking you if you would mind if she had sex with some other guy?

I do not read this as a threesome. It reads to me she would be OK with another guy if her H was agreeable. I don't interpret it any other way. Something I would not agree on...ever. I would make that clear.

[This message edited by Ohmyword at 6:53 PM, June 12th (Thursday)]

Welcome,

I imagine your emotions are sky high right now. Yes the signs could point to an A, but they can point to other things too. I did not see where anyone commented about the ourtime.com website. That is a dating site. You said that was on her phone. It was the first time I had heard of it and thought I was fairly savy on the sites. In otherwords, I do not thing it "happened" on her phone.

I agree with tushnurse...gather your intel. She will lie and cover if she is having an A. She may not be. However, you mention she has a couple of weeks left of work. You will go nuts if you are wondering what she is doing during her off time. Start with your keyloggers and VAR now.

There is lots of support here. Don't rush too fast. Also, if you do confront based on info...DO NOT GIVE away your sources. I regretted doing that.

i've heard from many BHs here that shaving the kitty is a huge sign. Why would she do this? She's obviously planning on showing it to someone.

Don't confront unless you KNOW. Otherwise you'll look foolish and she will continue to lie. that is, if she's having an affair.

How did you find out she cheated when you were dating?

Educators have an easy time cheating because in most cases they have more time that they can have their affairs . After school while you may still be at work or like someone said all summer more fee time .

I think you have real reasons to be concerned . Depending on the context of discussion of other women or other men she could be testing the water. A lot of times they even talk on some way about AP. You could try to trick her by playing along like it would be ok to see if she then proposes trying it.

Shaving herself and dating site a major red flags.

While you might not want to confront just yet, I certainly would employ all the snooping techniques suggested to you on her electronic devices

If co was forces to bet I would say she is in some kind of affair and you are better off finding out sooner rather than later

<raising my hand for added support of educator behavior pattern>

Yup, that's my XW right there with the:

1) shaving the kitty

2) being a teacher

Yes, she was cheating. One of her teachers assistants suddenly became VERY good friends with her. This assistant was a 60yr old divorcee who dressed like 30 and was coaching and cheering my XW with her A's. I determined this divorcee was living vicariously through my XW to have her replay what divorcee did with her own XH, thus validating her past decisions through my XW.

My only suggestion is go with "Trust, but verify."

Pay attention to other unusual behaviors. Make a list of it so that when go over it each time you will begin to see a picture/pattern of what may be going on with your WW. Use the calendar on your phone and note the times she "dissapears" and see if there is a pattern developing.

You'll start to develop an interesting profile before long with all this information. If you can use a VAR and record more specific details it will really accelerate the investigation.

Pretty well describes my ex and her activities to a T. She was suing Craigs List, Adult Friend Finder, and who knows what else. I would do some investigating before confronting because they will just take it underground and make it more difficult to find anything.

Good luck!

BSB

softballer

Do not confront. Watch, listen & communicate.

You definitely have reasons to be concerned.

Trust your gut.

HM

Sorry I'm late getting back to this post, it kind of got lost in the shuffle.

I just wanted to 2nd the motion of BYE-Bipolar to check out the symptoms of bipolar syndrome and see if any of it rings a bell. Hypersexuality is a huge symptom for bipolars when they're in a manic stage. Also lack of sleep. It's also a hard disease to diagnose, commonly mistaken for depression for a number of years. Untreated (both with medication & talk therapy) it only worsens.

She might not be running around like Carrie in Homeland, but you might want to think back on some of her happier times when she went on shopping sprees or the likes of something that went a bit overboard. Please stay in touch, we care!