SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you all for your responses - I am not one to be childish as I was in my second post. At least not out loud.

I slept for half the day because I was up all night looking for evidence. I do not think that I want to reconcile this time around. Nothing is in stone but that just doesn't seem a wise thing thing to do when I've been in hell for the last 3 years and he has done this again . You ladies gave me some great sport and some important things to think about. I haven't confronted him yet and don't plan to unt I leave I file. I do not want revenge or to take himy to the cleaners, I just want out in a way that my kids are loved and as unaffected as possible. I'm off work for now...this is very good. Thanks for the support and I'm sorry I was snotty.

D-Day... I forced him to tell me about the OW...long lengthy process...he met her and has been with her for over 2 years, she even lives with him. He said he has been unhappy since the first affair 8 years ago and that he feels "we've been done" since then. I am gut-punched. That weak son of evil couldnt just end it.....I openly gave him chances for a divorce. So, I could have this part of my life well on to a new course. I'm digusted and saddened by my culpability.

I will survive and prevail. Prayers to all of us in the club.

I am gut-punched just reading this. Good luck Shattered. I don't think I would R given your circumstances either.

(((hugs))) so very selfish of him. I am sorry. You will get through this, you know that right? There is no shame in what you did, trying to make it work and believing he was worthy of a second chance. I am so sorry he was not worthy. NOT your shame to bear.

And nothing snotty for feeling ignored when you are hurting. You have every right to your feelings and to voice them!!!

((more hugs))

I am so sorry (((((Shattered)))))

He said he has been unhappy since the first affair 8 years ago and that he feels "we've been done" since then.

I wanted to throw something when I read this -- it is the height of selfishness. If you were really "done" he should have left - like a man with honor would do. This kind of justification makes my head spin.

One silver lining - because you've been on your own for so long - you know you can stand on your own two feet and handle anything that life thows at you -- that gives you power. I'm so so sorry you are going through this again.

I'm digusted and saddened by my culpability

No! This is not on you! You gave him a gift -- he chose to lie, and betray you. That is a problem with HIM not you. You made the best desisions you could make at the time. Now you know more - and can choose a different path if that's what you want.

I cannot imagine what it must be like for you, Shattered. Any one of those things you are going through in and of themselves are enough to take the very breath out of anybody.

I am sorry to say this, and I don't usually, but he is a totally insensitive SHIT.

The geographical distance between you two must make it very very hard for you, I cannot imagine.

One thing that I can offer that helped me when I have been in trauma (I had a child, a still born, whom I carried dead inside me, and gave birth to my dead child at home, alone) And in my unimaginable grief and anger afterwards, this helped me:

I wrote down three things each day I was grateful for. Very brief, took almost no time. It was always little things : the slant of light on a puddle in the street, the smile of a child I saw in the shop, the way my dog wagged his tail when I came home. Sometimes really stupid stuff. And years later, when I read those lists, I remember the pain, but I also remember the little, almost insignificant good things that were in my life at that very same time. And they helped me to heal, those little things.

There is still peace inside of you, waiting to comfort. You will survive this.

My prayers are with you.

(((Shattered)))

He is quite broken. I hope you can see through the pain, and start making you and your kids your priority now.

(((and strength))))

Oh Shattered, I am so sorry. This is behind despicable. What a cruel, cowardly thing for him to do. You are worth so much more and I believe that once you are free from him, life is going to lead you places where you can find the happiness you deserve.

Oh, my cup runneth over with so many of your responses. Thank you all. The clarity your words open up in my head and ease the dreadful pain in my chest are so helpful. I keep reading them over and over. Many have especially touched me at different times today - as I seem to be speed-spiraling through emotional stages over and over - I will soon get a more personal message out again.

For now, I feel 50% better than the last 24 hours. THAT is huge! I think I may just breathe for a while and be glad in an unswollen face for the time being.

Thank you all, my beautiful friends.

Hang in there Shattered.

Your H is one selfish man. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. False R sucks, as you well know. I hope the very best for you and I'm glad you can give a 50% smile. Not to be negative but keep in mind the roller coaster. It might go up and down a bit for you. Just keep reading and posting, OK?

Big hugs.

((shattered))

I'm sorry that this is happening again. I also had a 2nd D-Day that was 2 years after the first - it was so very painful.

However, it gave me the ability to know that I had given the marriage everything that I could, and that he was truly screwed up.

Hang in there. Eat, drink, and make yourself a priority in your life.