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Blanket (original poster member #43881) posted at 1:21 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014
I now have a better overview of the A, I know more details and more information I thought I needed but I feel like it has taken me back to square one again. I feel sick all over again. I feel violated and sad all over again. I wish I hadn't asked. Did I really NEED to know.
D day 20th may 2014
Me -BS (33)
HIM- WS (35)
OW- 18 yr old COW
Together 7 years, married 1
I can't tell if it's killing me or making me stronger
Don't kick me when I'm down because when I get back up you are f****d!
deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 1:26 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014
Sometimes you need to know, sometimes you don't. It really is unique to each person. If it was going to eat you alive until you knew, you needed to know. If you feel you could have went on without knowing, then that works, too. I had to know. I am just a detailed kind of person and wanted to make him tell me to let him see the pain and hear himself have to do that.
Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.
Blanket (original poster member #43881) posted at 1:33 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014
I don't think it would have eaten me alive as such I was worried I was rug sweeping and now I feel like I'm reliving the A all over again. Maybe I shouldn't have asked.
D day 20th may 2014
Me -BS (33)
HIM- WS (35)
OW- 18 yr old COW
Together 7 years, married 1
I can't tell if it's killing me or making me stronger
Don't kick me when I'm down because when I get back up you are f****d!
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 1:41 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014
No, you need the truth.
You need to know exactly what you are dealing with here. That way it can ALL be addressed, and eventually put to rest.
It will hurt like Hell for a few days...but once the initial sting wears off..you will be glad you know.
And, the fact that he is willing to be so honest...even if it hurts you...shows he is truly remorseful and willing to do whatever needs to be done to heal you, himself, and the marriage.
Also, the more details you get, the less secrets between him and OW.
Knowledge is power.
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
misslocket ( new member #43865) posted at 1:41 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014
I'm exactly the same, I needed to know because I didn't want him and her to share something I knew nothing about and he has been brutally honest and then it kills you, the answer kills you inside.
Totally totally feel you. xx
'All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same.' Marilyn Monroe
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 2:13 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014
IDK ... you may feel like you're back at square one, but I think you're past it.
If your H answered your questions honestly, you've accomplished quite a bit. First, you have a much better idea of the betrayal you have to deal with.
Second, and perhaps more important, your H is in the process of owning what he did. He can't heal, and you can't R, until and unless he accepts responsibility for betraying himself and you.
Third, by answering your questions, your H has started to rebuild trust. It may not be enough to notice yet, but it's happening.
It still hurts like hell, though....
(((Blanket)))
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
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