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atreides, yes, it was agreed many times that she would tell me about contact, etc. She continued to use the excuse that she was afraid I'd call him or his wife, but I made that promise and I kept it. Now it's total transparency, no negotiation. I still haven't decided if I'm leaving or not, but she knows I'm at the very edge of ending it. She is finally saying things like she wants me to say what I feel and she'll listen. It's the actions that are key!

She finally told me he sent her an email...asking a work question as he's coming to town with other colllwagues for work. I said I can't wait to meet him so she freaked out about the comment and that I will confront him with everyone there. I calmly said I wouldn't do that...I'd make sure he was alone! :) I just hope my old wrestling moves are not far away!!

We have MC tomorrow and then I'm away for work for a night. We'll see how the session goes, although I'm sure the 90 minutes will go quickly!

Will keep you updated...and thanks for all the advice and feedback!

Why are you the person that has to move out? She cheated and now you are potentially rewarding her by distancing yourself from the family home.

The wife should know no matter what.

You see she holds all the power if this is kept secret.

When you let his wife know YOU hold all the cards and he will be on the defensive trying to save his marriage.

Is she in IC? She really needs to figure herself out if you have any chance of figuring out the M.

Her secrecy, defensiveness, etc all scream she is still in a WS state of mind. Glad to see you putting your foot down. Keep on moving forward.