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My advice: take it for what it is (I'm in my own situation but I work in mental health and am excellent at my job...just not helping myself)

There is a difference between PPD and situational depression/anxiety. Both respond well to medication. Usually only situational depression responds to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (PPD is a hormonal imbalance and is hard to correct without medication). With that said, I would say that although you have the propensity to develop PPD, your emotions are currently due to the "situation" coupled with the normal flux of hormones. I'd ask the doc about therapy as opposed to medications but TRUST their professional recommendation if they argue for meds. They are the experts...my advice is just to get you thinking.

As far as the birth and any other decision goes....have a plan...but let your plan be to put all conversations and decisions on the back burner until after birth. Allow your WH to attend the birth...because although this is your body....his child is being born. He cheated on you, not the baby. Some will argue with me on that but I firmly believe that although selfish and irresponsible...cheaters don't intend to hurt their children. Be the bigger person but have boundaries. His support will be helpful. Let him know that conversations will commence after you've recovered. Let him know that one inappropriate comment will land him in the hallway until it's time to cut the cord.

Tigaress. Thanks. It's some how comforting knowing I am not the only one.

Rubix thank you as well it sucks doesn't it

Mandolin just to be clear I had PPP with my first not PPD. The doctors I am going to see at sunnybrook have felt with it more than my small town doctor so if I go and meet with them my local doctor will be willing to not put me on the heavy drugs. When I was on them with my daughter I could not function and was too dopey to take care I my child or even pick her up at night. I really have no desire to relive that when I am not even having ANY signs or syptoms at this point. If I was having signs or symptoms I would be the first one to say something. As I am the one that noticed it last time.

Also as for him not cheating on baby an STI could have done serious harm to our baby and put the baby and I at undue risk.

Sorry not trying to rant I just feel really strong about this.

[This message edited by BrokenDoe at 2:09 PM, July 20th (Sunday)]

Doing ok today? As for mind movies, I'm over two months out and still!! I've had some good advice from these folks on how to minimize them and they do work. Redirect yourself quickly and quickly chug a glass of water ( or three!). I don't know how that works but it really does!!

mandolin, broken doe just had her D-Day. Like you said, some people might disagree with your suggestion having WH in the delivery room, and I do. The WH betrayed her in the worst way possible. It's really up to broken doe if she wants him there, but frankly, if he were my WH he would be drop kicked to the other side of the planet ASAP. (((Hugs))) to broken doe!

[This message edited by What2Do76 at 2:14 PM, July 20th (Sunday)]

NINE MONTHS TODAY!?!

Going to see local doctor again about PPP as we wait to be told what day I go to Sunnybrook I just need to keep clam today and keep telling him I am ok I am not goin to let cheating asshat ruin my pregnancy.

MC tonight.

IC tomorrow And checkup for baby. See how big little guy is doing. They had him at 6lbs13oz at 34 weeks so I wonder if they will do another ultrasound. No I do not have gestational diabetes.

Anyways. Just feels good to tell someone.

Awww. Glad everything is ok BrokenDoe. I have 5 weeks to go myself. I have SPD which is aweful. I also have a DD of 5. I am trying to keep calm and as positive as possible too (although some days are harder than others). I've been writing letters to my WH, not actually giving them to him but it helps in a weird way to write how I actually feel, as if it was him I was talking to. Keep us updated Hun :)

Hi BrokenDoe,

I'm so sorry. I have a special place in my heart for those BS's who are cheated on while they are pregnant. My WS cheated on me during my first two pregnancies, although I didn't find out until my second daughter was about to turn 2. Apparently, it is pretty common time for men to cheat. Not that this makes it any better, just more common

I struggled with PPD after my second daughter and then again after my 3rd (although much less severe). Although it was partly the hormones, the vast majority of it for me was the stress of my marriage. I didn't know my WH was cheating, but he was being a giant asshole and the pregnancy was stressful, and the two together put me over the edge.

My advice for you is to sit quietly and figure out what you need to make this delivery as newborn time as stress free as possible. Your WH has put you in an impossible situation. I hate him for that, and you can too. It is your job to overcome that for the sake of yourself and your baby.

Is MC too stressful for you at this moment? If yes, stop. Immediately. If he is remorseful, he will get into counseling himself and when and if you are up for MC, you can pick it up some time in the future.

Is having your WS in the house too stressful? Kick him out. Set up times for him to come spend time with your older child when you can go out and be by yourself. If he calls to say goodnight, do not speak to him. I picked up my kids and left for a week after Dday because my 4 year old was picking up on my anger and started saying "we hate Daddy, don't we Mommy." I couldn't do that to her. I went to my mother's and he called and said goodnight to the kids, but I didn't speak to him.

Is having your WS at the birth going to be too difficult? Then he is out. No guilt about this. You must take care of you and that baby. Forget about him and feeling sorry for him. Every time you start to feel bad, think about how he knowingly and willingly exposed you and your unborn child to STD's.

Finally, if you are close with your family, best friend, anyone. Please call and reach out to them for support. You need to be surrounded by love right now. If you can afford one, a doula is a wonderful support at the birth.

I'm sending you big hugs mama.

WH has changed his work schedule so that he can help with our toddler more while I am dealing with all I this.

He also broke down last night and had a really ugly all out cry and talked about his parents abandoning him as a kid (I knew this cause we were friends, but he has never spoken to me or anyone else about this as far as I know). He talked about how he started using porn then to feel good. He told me how he never stopped before cause he didn't think porn would lead to anything else. And then when it started to get worse he just didn't think about it.

Plus I have never seen him full on ugly cry and he just kept saying sorry after and he could not belive he had destroyed his family.

My question is am I being sold a load of fertilizer?

I know everyone says not worry about the us right now but I want to know what this sounds like to others. Thank you.

[This message edited by BrokenDoe at 5:51 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]

BrokenDoe,

It could be a load of manure or he might be starting (in a meager way) to see the light. The main thing is if he is taking responsibility for his actions or just using his childhood as a get out of jail free card. The only thing that will really show that is remorse on his part that doesn't just turn on and off like a switch when convenient (like when you're mad at him).

DBW

Not the big easy. He has been owning up, he admits he did it and he was responsible and selfish. He told me stuff I was not going to find out, otherwise. And has come forward with the details. I have contacted all parties involved and fact check his stories, did this while I had his phone locked so he had no way to warn anyone or coach the answers.

Last night we just got talking about the porn and how it got so outta hand and he ha the break down and told me how young he started.

But I just wonder if he could fake that kinda emotion and sorrow I have know him over 25 years and never seen him have a real cry like that. And he knew that he had wrecked our family. But again just not sure if this is a common thing WS do.