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Little bit of good news today. STI test for me all came back negative and baby appears big and healthy by ultrasound. I would not take WS with me to the appointment, I just felt it was too personal. I am also 1 cm dilated today so I need to figure out if I should let WS be there for birth or not. I am struggling because it is such and emotional and special time and you really need to trust someone to have them n the room during that. Anyone have any thoughts?

Congratulations! So great that the baby is doing well. And you sound happy about the good news (also about that STI test). Are you planning a vaginal birth? I don't have experience with that, mine was a c-section and for that my husband could only come in after anesthesia and just before the baby was there - he literally was in the room for 15 minutes and did nothing. Did you have your husband there the first time? Was he helpful? If you imagine being in the delivery room how do you feel about him being there or not there? And who would you take with you if you decide against him?

So glad tests went well. Do what gives you comfort and to heck with anyone's opinions! You deserve whatever happiness you can get. Take care of you.

Tigaress- last time was a vaginal birth and it was him, my mom and my best friend on my birth team. They were all there the whole time about 12 hours. I am not sure if I want him there because it is so personal and you need to trust your team and need to be calm ad I worry he will just piss me off.

BlueBlueEyes- thank you

There you have your decision: he's off the team :-)

But am I being petty or unreasonable denying him the right to be part of the baby's birth? When he really wants to be?

Well ... just my opinion here... but I think that he has screwed up big time, not treated you the way a husband is supposed to treat his pregnant wife in the least. And from where I sit he has lost his right to be part of the birth with that. Also, you think that his presence might make you uncomfortable or piss you off and that's definitely something we don't want. You will have to work extremely hard to bring this new little person to life and you need to have the best and most supportive environment possible. And he's not part of it. He could have thought about consequences before he cheated? You are worried that you might hurt his feelings by not letting him be part of the birth team but was he worried about hurting your feelings? Again, you will work very hard for many hours during labor and it will be all about you and the baby. Not about a cheating husband. Just my two cents.

Thank you. I needed to hear that. I need to know that it's okay for me to be mad. I am so worried that I am being selfish but your right I need to be comfortable cause that will make things smoother. He can meet the baby after birth, it's not like I am saying he cannot do that.

So today was my evaluation with physiatrist and of course when they heard that I had "stressor" WS they immediately want me to start anti psychotics. As there is a concern of me developing PPP again when this baby is born. So I refused today and will go in next week so they can check my mood again. I have been trying so hard to make this pregnancy medication free and now because of WS I am getting pushed by the doctors. Yes I know if PPP develops again I will have to be medicated and maybe hospitialized but at the same time there is no guarantee I will have it again. Plus I was never a risk to myself or my child, I was paranoid others wanted to harm DD and would not let anyone near. So kinda the opposite direction of all the horror stories you hear on the news.

I hate that he cheated, that I needed STI testing and that I had to say anything to my doctor who then told the hospitial.

Just feeling frustrated with my situation.

You aren't being selfish, you're taking care of your own emotional needs. He was selfish. I have no sympathy for him that his poor choice is causing him consequences! As for the meds, research the risks of what the dr wants to prescribe you. A lot of pregnant women need the medicinal support. Given your emotional (understandable) state, the medication may actually benefit you and the baby in comparison to any known risk. At least keep an open mind should the doctor feel it'll help you continue the pregnancy longer. You don't want your baby in a toxic womb because of your pain and stress. At the end of the day, once informed, the choice is yours. Hugs!

[This message edited by BlueBlueEyes at 10:22 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)]

The meds are what I was on when I had PPP after DD. They are not 100% safe for baby and that is why I have refused them this whole pregnancy. I do not want to risk babies health and I really wanted to avoid them even after baby was born and just have my mood monitored. It's just bull shit that because of him I am getting pressure from doctor. When I have NO signs or symptoms of PPP at this time.

BrokenDoe,

Please know that we are all lifting you up into the light of healing. We are here for you. Keep posting. My husband's physical affairs (with prostitutes) were allegedly years ago. But it was during my pregnancy that I found out he had been hiding a longterm STD and was never treated for it. He was hiding it from me and exposing me to it. I also recently found out that his out of marriage sex included performing oral sex on prostitutes. So I've been very much where you are. Here are some thoughts.

-As others have said, you must focus on yourself and your children. Your DS is already reacting to your pain and hurt and anger. PLEASE try to put the issues around your marriage and your husband to the side for right now. You have to get through your pregnancy and deliver a healthy baby.

-Your history of PPP puts you and your baby and your toddler DS at severe risk. I know that you know all too well what can happen when PPP goes terribly wrong and no matter what, you don't want to hurt yourself or the children -- even inadvertently. You owe him nothing. He doesn't count. Keep him away from you as much as you can, including during delivery, unless you can use him as a resource. If you find it comforting to have him around, then use him for comfort. If you don't, cut him off. You are fighting for survival right now. The OW doesn't matter. The details of the sex he had don't matter. The prognosis for your marriage does not matter right now. You do not need to decide to divorce or reconcile. You do not need to forgive. You don't need to do anything. What matters is the health of your body and your mind and the health and safety of your children.

(Hugs) to you.

Hey broken doe - how are you doing? How is the pregnancy? What happened with the meds? I hope that things are going better for you!

Tigaress thanks for asking, it means a lot that someone cares.

Spoke with doctor and I refused his plan so he talked to some other doctors and now I have a referral into Sunnybrook and will have to drive to Toronto to be evaluated by the doctors there that specialize in PPP and they will try and come up with a less envasive treatment plan. So I am hopeful but annoyed that I have to jump though so many hoops.

WS keeps helping with toddler and helping around house so that's good. Things are so awkward between us. And when I cry DD asks if daddy is fibbing. So sad it hurts my heart.

Aside from all the drama in my life I feel pretty good, I have been resting and getting some stuff done. I felt up to cooking a real dinner for DD and I tonight so that's a big step.

Im sorry you have to be dealing with this, especially being so far along..

As for having him there, he choose to cheat. He choose to destroy your trust in him. He doesn't get to choose to invade your private birthing space. Even my own husband who would hate not being there for the baby's birth agreed that the final decision is mine and if I asked him to leave he would without argument because birthing is a private moment that should be attended by those the mother wants there. A happy medium might be having him in the waiting room during the birth and if you feel the need to have him there he can come in or you can have him come in after the baby is born to met him.

Take care of yourself and your babies. That is the priority right now. Try to get enough sleep and eat a good diet.

Heme thank for the message of support. I am so conflicted about the delivery and just everything. I know everyone says breath and don't stress and not to worry about what is going to happen. But that's hard for me I like having a plan.

I hate that I still care about the asshat too. And at the same time I hate him very much. Shouldn't I just hate everything about him now and be like a country song.

Has anyone had any success in turning off the mental movies or is it too early to except them to go away? I find myself crying about the images a lot but maybe it just because I am pregnant.

Just wondering when other people got the images outta there heads. Thanks.

Hey there. I'm in the same boat with you. Sometimes I 'forget' about it for a while but then I just have to get a text from him or be reminded in any other way and its all back. And I imagine it's even tougher when you're super emotional during pregnancy :-( hang in there!!! Big hug!

Hi brokenDoe. I'm in the same boat Hun. 34 weeks pregnant. I too reply all the mental movies, everything I saw and read. Find myself crying most nights/days. You're not alone. ((((hugs))))

Brokendoe,

I am so sorry you are going through everything. You mentioned a couple of things I would like to give you a suggestion on. Given your pregnancy, you are unable to take sleeping pills, not sleeping and have the mind movies. Something that worked for me was when I saw my IC, he did a hypnosis session with me for relaxation/sleep. He recorded it for me so I could continue to use it as a tool. He set it up for 1) a brief relaxation period or 2) a sleep period. I had to know which route I was going to take before the session. My mind then followed his instructions. It helped me tremendously. You mentioned you were going to another team about you PPP, you might inquire with them if someone can take you through a session and record it for you. It was EXTREMELY helpful for me and did not require drugs. It didn't totally stop the mind movies, but it did help get me off the ceiling with my anxiety.

Sending you support. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. PS I still occasionally use the recording if I need to relax due to other non-A issues. It is a great tool in my toolbox.