SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Oh I will keep it to myself. Even did her a favour today.

I still think that when she takes that agreement to a lawyer, the L will advise her about some fantasy spousal support numbers and she will not want to sign the agreement with no spousal support.

Then it will be a long, drawn out process. The only thing really working in my favour is the fact that she seems to want out FAST.

We shall see. Now I wait. Getting shit done is not her strong suit.

I'm feeling all kinds of anger today that she cheated on me and now she's gonna take our draft agreement to a lawyer and the L will tell her she may be entitled to spousal support even though she worked the whole time we were together.

She cheats on me and gets support?!?!? That makes sense. What a fucking system we have here.

It's her weekend to come to the house to take care of the kids. I have to talk to her about something, and I don't expect it to go well.

On Wednesday night, her night to come to the house to watch the girls for the evening, I came home at just after 10pm. I came into the house through the garage, and when I entered the house, STBXWW came in through the front door, where she sits and smokes, behind me. I walked into the kitchen to find my 3 year old standing on a chair playing at the stove! She was playing with the knick-knacks on the back of the stove.

Wish me luck!

Well, that went.... well, it went.

She started with the tears about how I don't think she is fit to parent, then later started saying how she's still sad that we are where we are, and I said... 2x4's on standby... "Well, you brought us here". To which she responded that we both brought us here because there was a reason she cheated, and I explained that no reason is good enough, and that I was in the same relationship. Whatever.

She asked for a few minor amendments to the agreement, which I agreed to. She confirmed that she will take it to a lawyer (this is good for me too). She reaffirmed that she does not intend to seek spousal support, and I reaffirmed that if she does this will not be quick or easy.

She has also been in contact with her ex-husband who is.... wait for it... a used car salesman. I told her it would be a VERY bad move to sell one of our vehicles before we have an agreement in place. I also told her to ask the lawyer about that.

I love my kids more than anything, but sometimes I wish I'd kept that thing in my pants.

((((ChangeMaker)))) You're doing well. Keep taking it as you are - step by step.

Awesome!

My STBXWW is here in the house visiting the kids and a woman from work just called to ask me out! After I hung up she asked if I was setting up a date and I said Yep.

She said "well, you're acting quickly" and I said "Well, I work with 6000 women (in education), what do you think is going to happen?"

Some days are better than others!

Update:

After the phone call above, I went in our bedroom but I didn't know she was in there and she startled me. I jumped and she said "Yeah, I'm that scary huh?" and stormed past me.

Then she was kind of throwing things around and stomping around so I asked her what the problem was,

Apparently she's upset that this woman called me, and she thinks I slept with her last night (she doesn't know where I was). I said "Why are you upset, you have a boyfriend! At least I waited for our relationship to end!". Then she told me she's upset because this is like romance, and her thing wasn't. I said, so did you just walk up to him and say "let's go fuck in your car?". I don't think so.

So she left the house and two minutes later I get a text saying "ChangeMaker has a girlfriend". I ignored it. Then I get a text saying she sent it to the wrong person. I told her it's none of anyone's business but mine what I do.

The crazy continues.

Wow. How old is she again? She sounds like a petulant 13 yo. It's got to feel good to put a bit of an exclamation point on her own shit.

After blowing your realtionshit up, why would she even care?! Oh that's right because you are a great guy and it shows that you are a hot commodity. Let her think whatever. She did this all to herself. Just be careful this situation does't get ugly.

I've been following along ChangeMaker. You've been doing well. Keep going.

yop

Change Maker

What you said to her,"what did you do walk up to him and let's go fuck in the car?" was beautiful. Remember , she was laughing that she's a conger to her friend on the VAR?

She will soon realize that you are truly done with her. And she can be a cougar to her hearts content and you don't care. And you will have romance, from a normal person

You are handling this like a pro. You ought to write a book .

Today I wake up to a text saying "Have you really checked out?"

WTF?!?!?

I thought about it for a while, then shot back "Have I checked out? You lied to me. You cheated on me. You lied to me some more. You continued your relationship with your fuck buddy (to this very day). I was willing to fight for us from the start. You were not. Who checked out?"

Sent her a revised copy of the SA.

The crazy continues.

Change Maker

Reality is starting to hit her. She has her fuck buddy with no future and you are showing her you can survive without her. She will come crawling at some point I believe of she will let you know she is banging someone else to spite you for rejecting her attempts to talk more.

She expected you to be begging her to stop and letting her do what she wants. Your it one will be better than those who are desperate to R at any cost to their dignity.

Stay strong

I am feeling weak today. I am feeling like talking to her, and having a little doubt about breaking this off.

I just have to get through today, then I am going out of town for 6 days, so I won't have much, if any contact.

Fucking sucks.

This does suck.

I am going to have to disagree with badhurt on this. This is only hoovering. It is an attempt to get the power dynamic back in her favor.

I guarantee.. if you budge an inch she will go back to the old.. "I don't know what I want" crap. and she will feel like you are again on the hook and she has all the power.

Many of us have a tendency to read far to much into the most trivial of details. If her aim was to come back, the effort expended to do so would be far more than a simple text.

[This message edited by Maxiom at 2:28 PM, July 28th (Monday)]

I have been out of town for six days, and I'm still on the road, so I'll be brief.

Yesterday she phoned me first thing in the morning in tears apologizing and trying to find out if there's any chance we can make a go of it.

I told her I don't know. I'll be home tomorrow and I don't know what will happen.

So last night, after arriving home, I noticed she was kind of hanging around rather than leaving as soon as the baby went to bed.

Sure enough, after the other DD went to bed she started talking to me. She started asking if we were doing the right thing, and talking reconciliation.

I told her I don't love, trust or respect her anymore. I also asked when the last time she had contact with the OM was - yesterday. I asked her if it seems sensible to her that she's still having a relationship with this man and talking reconciliation with me. I asked if I was plan B, or him? She said if we were gonna try, she'd end it with him, so I suggested she let him know he was plan B, in the name of honesy and trust. She didn't think it was funny.

I also told her that (before I knew who the OM was), sitting in our house talking to me about how she was going to try to help him get his job back because she likes him was just plain nasty. Only a nasty person could sit and tell her husband a thing like that about her fuck buddy.

She then said, "what's the difference, you don't want me anyway". I just said that was true.

She says she will waive spousal support in exchange for some minor changes to the Agreement, so hopefully we can get this thing signed and move along.

Way to hold your ground!

You are no one's plan B!!!!! Way to call her out on wanting to reconcile with you and still have her f-buddy on the side.

The sooner this is done, the sooner you can move on with your life!

Great Job CM!!!!

Change Maker

Never ceases to amaze me what some WW will think. She sits there talking to you about R when instead of working on repairing your relationship the past few weeks she has been still seeing her fuck buddy. And you are supposed to even listen to what she is saying .

Unbelievable is all I can say.

Get this done with and do not have any further conversations with her where the word R comes up.

You know you cannot trust her as far as you can throw her .

No way to R

Oh, there will be no R, Badhurt.

She actually had the gall to be angry at me! I don't think she'd want any R now, even if I wanted it.

She knows she's acted like a POS, but she didn't like hearing it. She should have known that I'm not the type to pull any punches.

I'm putting forward a pretty brave face here, but the fact is that I'm still pretty upset and sad that my kids will grow up in separate homes, and that our enviable financial position will be weakened. I don't feel much for the loss of her though.

Hi Changemaker,

You are doing good. We're in a very similar situation and the timing is very close. The only difference is my kids are 15 & 20, so a very different stage of "Family" life.

My only recommendation is you stop engaging your WW for the following reasons;

1) She's consuming to much head space. In order to get to the indifference stage, you need to act indifferent. Eventually, the emotional release will follow.

2) You will be co-parenting for a long time. You need to act nice. Doing so now will make it easier later.

3) If you want out fast (and cheap, better to play nice.

But #1 is the best benefit to you.

Change Maker

Your kids growing up n a disfunctional home long term would be worse. She did not leave you any choice with her behavior not only in having her affair, but in her actions after.

The detective mode you would have had to be in would also have effected you greatly since she did nothing that any remorseful spouse would do.

Not only did she cheat, but she badmouhed you to people and laughed about being cougar. of course she does not know you know that because of VAR

In the long run she has made it easier for you by being such a POS. I know that is hard to understand now.

There are a lot of BS who actually have WW or WH that actually try and do all the right things that just can't get past the infidelity. That becomes a long and very difficult process.

Her actions make it clearer that you have made the right decision.

What a stupid this for her to say, "I'll stop fucking him if you R with me"