SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Every. Single. Day.

Sigh. 17 months out. It is definitely better the busier I am. I like MTT' s suggestions above. Time for me to kick this habit. 45 days? I'm going for it!!!!

Every Single day - 1,297 thus far. I do not believe that there will ever be a day that I do no think about it and this horrifies and disgusts me. Fortunately, the thought no longer crushes my soul.

Yes, everyday.. AND OW is same AP from 25 yrs ago, which I totally had gotten over and NEVER thought about, now I think about the A from 25 yrs ago EVERY F&#KING day, too.

2 1/2 years since DDay and ya, every day.

It gets really tough when I see WH speak and act in what I call, "Affair mode." Times I see him reverting to silence. No sharing of thoughts. Verbal outbursts of how our family fails him. I don't like that person. It is not the man I married. Every non-spoken thought makes me think of the affair. Every selfish word (He wants perfection) is a red flag that tells me he could cheat again.

Note: His lashing out is not communication.

[This message edited by Elpis at 2:23 AM, July 21st (Monday)]

Yup, every single day. Eight years out. Very successful reconciliation. Strong marriage to my best friend.

It doesn't hurt anymore but I still think of it. Probably like I would think of it if I had a dread disease like cancer. There is my life before the affair and after the affair.

I knew I would never forget. That was one of the things I considered when we reconciled.

I can't even say I have triggers anymore and it doesn't hurt. It is just a passing thought.

every day, every damn day

Every. Single. Day.

Inspired myself...tired of thinking of it...doesnot change a thing and only keeps me in pain....I don't need his help, I need MY help.

Stillstanding: a habit takes about that long. So, I realized that I must first IDENTITY WHEN I most likely think of it...cleaning house, driving, cooking...starting with those three I will pick something to think instead...wonder what would be good?

Good Book

working coming up

my cat

Every day. And it's why I'm up in the middle of the night right now- haunting anger but mostly wondering if I have the truth. And He's being great but were back from vacation now and he goes back to work today so probably triggering over that.

I go an hour without thinking of it. If we're with friends, busy with work, family, exercise...

I go to a bootcamp workout place and for that hour I think of nothing but surviving the workout. That helps!!

My friend 6 years out thinks of it every day. Hubby thinks of it every day and tries hard to distract himself.

Hugs to everyone!!!

3 years out and I think of it every single day.

I am about 15 months out from my third DDay. Stii awaiting a formal SA and then plan on starting couples counseling to restart our marriage on new footing. I still don't know for sure that we can do it but, I will try.

The only reason he is getting a 4th chance is because our counsslor says he acted out of an addiction. A sex addiction, and, the counselor says my WS is working on it and is not likely to cheat as long as he remains in SA therapy.

However, I have to put a lot of faith in what the counselor says.

I do think of the A every day and it still hurts. I try to tell myself that was the past and to move on but I was so devastated by it. i don't think I'll ever completely get over it. I am learning to accept it but, my life, my dreams, my expectations seem to have beemn permanently altered and I doubt there will ever be a day I don't think about it.

Wow! Thanks for all the responses. Unfortunately, they are making me feel worse!!! Lol! Thinking I should schedule an appt for that lobotomy!!!

Wow! Thanks for all the responses. Unfortunately, they are making me feel worse!!! Lol! Thinking I should schedule an appt for that lobotomy!!!

I don't think of it every single day. Sometimes I lose track of how long it's been since I thought about it. And sometimes when I do think about it, it's really brief and passes quickly.

You are getting a skewed response. People posting on a forum like this are likely to be the ones still thinking about it.

When I felt I knew everything, why it happened, how it happened, and that my wife was all back in and really was completely and truly sorry and felt that it would not happen again, that's when I stopped thinking about it every day.

The commonly accepted time frame to reach that point that I've read about is 2-5 years. It happened for me at a little less than 2 years. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees that it will ever happen.

At almost 11 months out I still think about it every moment of the day. What's hard is when my IC says I need to stop thinking about it all the time and move forward, focusing on me. I get it. And I am focusing on me. But I'm also thinking about my fWH's horrific immoral 7 month journey with another woman at the same time. At home I get pressure from my fWH to start having fun and enjoying life again…to stop thinking about it. I'm starting to have moments of fun again, but not with fWH. The problem is that I can't help thinking about it every single freaking moment of every single freaking day. I don't love thinking about it. I don't enjoy thinking about it. I can't help it!! So, the last thing I need is to have others not in my head tell me to not think about it, adding shame to the fact that I can't stop thinking about it. I refuse to feel anything but acceptance for where I'm at. I work to understand it, but I let it be what it is. My mind and heart are sorting through the pain and I'm not messing with their efforts.

Just over 2 yrs and I unfortunately think of the A, or OW every stinkin day! It's o exhausting! :(

One thing our MC suggested that I've tried to implement is a morning ritual of thinking about it as a mini-funeral. Doing some grieving for 10 minutes, saying to yourself how awful it is/was, allowing some grief and pain to go through you and 10 minutes later set it aside. When thoughts pop up during the day you say to yourself, "I already thought about that today so I don't need to anymore." It worked a few times for me.

This is how trauma works. We replay it over and over in our head. Sometimes it makes sense, other times it does not. We need to feel safe and this is a natural control mechanism so that we're on guard because our world, as we know it, is or has been in danger. Folks - be easy and kind with yourself!

I will be four years out on Sunday. I think about it several times a day.

It's not crushing anymore. It's tolerable. It doesn't stop me and bring me to my knees anymore. But my gosh, who knew how painful and long-lasting it would be before it happened to us?

2yrs out and yes, but it is not this tormenting vision that pops into my head and kicks me down. Well, somedays yes, but not as bad as early one. You're pretty recent since DDAY so it is completely understandable.

Four years out and I still have thoughts of the A every day. Not as much pain with those thoughts but they still surface at odd moments in the day.

I believe this is my new reality.

At 13 months, yep. I do feel like it is fading and as others said, they don't have the same hold on me.

I would like to somehow get rid of all the imaginary conversations that go on in my head like what I wish I would have said differently to the COW or how I wish I could redo this conversation with WH before the A or what would i say if I ran into the OW now. Gosh, my brain has spent so much energy on these fictional conversations and I know it is such a waste of time and energy, argh.

[This message edited by ILINIA at 8:09 AM, July 21st (Monday)]