SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What difference does it make whether it was FB or cell phone .

Your wife is having an affair brother . The sooner you face it the better off you will be.

facebook friends with a guy - nope

deleting messages - nope

"I would but my husband is home?" Hefty bag time.

[This message edited by rachelc at 4:04 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

I'm on vacation this week. 2 days from now is our 15 year wedding anniversary. I think I might pack my backpack and jump in the car and go someplace and camp out until Sunday when I have to come home and get ready for work monday morning.

I'm laying here on the bed paralyzed with a panic attack though.

C'mon mrcpu, pick yourself up. You got shit to do.

I'm pretty new here, but it didn't take me long to figure out that the people here know what they're talking about.

Try some breathing exercises to relax, they really helped me. Just Google it up.

Now is the wrong time to go anywhere. After what you just found out what do you think is going to happen when you leave for the week end.

If you are confident that you have everything monitored, I would lie to her, tell her you are going away, and watch for the chatter on FB or whatever she is using. Then "change your mind" , tell her you are not going, and listen again.

That will probably get you your answer. My bet is that as soon as you announce you are leaving and she is "free" there will be some contact.

Try to get your strength back and buckle the chinstrap on your football helmet. You must confront this head on or you will be having too many more panic attacks

Everyone here who has responded basically sees nothing good here.

Don't go away and surrender and make it easy for them

I'm laying here on the bed paralyzed with a panic attack though.

Don't be so manly that you think you have to suffer the full force of this. Antianxiety meds are cheap and effective. Just don't over-do them.

See a doc ASAP if this isn't an isolated case.

When you confront..... Make sure she can't access FB. Take her out "camping" and take all her electronics away from her before you confront. If she doesn't come clean with the truth, YOU message the OM on her FB something like...."my husband found out about us...what do I do?"

From there take it far as you need to to get the truth!!!!

Your WW will not be able to warn him if she's out in the boonies with you!!!

Fuck....even if she does confess.....still message the OM as her!!!

With our anniversary in two days and being on vacation it's going to be really hard to act the part. She sent me a message saying she was on the way home from her mothers (stand down people, it's confirmed). Then she said she missed me and I responded "k"

She repeated her text "I said I missed you" so I said "me too". She responded "do you mean it?" but I can't bring myself to say yes.

There are a lot of examples on this forum of WW doing exactly the same things to overcompensate for what they know they are planning.

One wife texted her husband how much she misses him and how she couldn't wait to get home for work 48 hours before she was planning to go meet her OM for the week end. Another guy has his wife banging him every hour after he caught her with neighbor saying it was only kissing.

The fact is she did not think enough about her love for you to tell you another man called her for a booty call last night and she would have gone if she thought she could get away wit it.

I know this stinks, but it is unfortunately real.

If you use your ingenuity and smarts you can get you facts with a little deception that I have you in my last post.

I can guarantee you that your upcoming anniversary will not be in her mind when she goes to meet him if you leave for the week end. So try to set it aside for now and do what you have to do to get yourself out of this limbo she has you in.

She's home and horny. Great.

I hate my penis sometimes. It has a mind of its own and has already shown an interest in her advances even though my brain is busy trying to stop my stomach from puking.

Don't let your brain shut it off. Go puke. Let her see you puke. Tell her you don't feel well and then after all that you wont have to have sex.

Sorry you are going through this shit again. Try and breath.

All I can say is that I regret not keeping quiet and finding my proof before blurting it all out to WS, when I still couldn't believe it was happening. Now he denies, denies, denies, several months on.

I would say keep quiet and keep watching - at least when you approach her finally you will have undeniable proof, hopefully.

I wish I had.

I like Badhurt's suggestion about a little clever deception. Pack up as if you were going to leave then just before departure announce you have changed your mind and are staying. If she has arranged something she will busting ass to cancel. and thats where your monitoring comes in.

Give it a try; sometimes we have to be a little creative in order to obtain evidence.

Pack up as if you were going to leave then just before departure announce you have changed your mind and are staying. If she has arranged something she will busting ass to cancel. and thats where your monitoring comes in.

great idea.

I did that once and the look on my fww face was perfect. The fact she couldn't show disappointment almost made me laugh, if it wasn't so damn serious at the time.

So there have been a couple of messages back and forth but the thing that surprises me is the lack of "intimacy". When she was having the affair with my xBFF there was "sweetness" in the messages. She would send him a "good night" or a "good morning".

None of this seems to be happening. Last night he said "Your new hairstyle is hot" while we were at the gym (She had posted pics of her hair on fb). She didn't reply for some time after we got home and said "Thank You " He said "show me more" and her response was "Can't. Busy working out" - which was a lie because we were home and she was downstairs relaxing on the sofa. He said "booo" and she said "lol" and that was the end of the conversation. About 5 min after that it was deleted with no other interaction.

This morning we had an argument because I asked her if she respected me and she said "yes, I think so". She then asked if I thought she respected me and I said "no". She got disproportionately upset. She said sometimes she acted silly but it wasn't about me. I deflected and told her I didn't understand why she was so upset because I was talking about her being at her mother's for 3 hours yesterday and not calling me or texting me to say when she got home.

I know this seems weird to say in this group, but if she was "flirting" with this guy by text and did NOT delete anything, knowing that I could see it with her password, then I would be 10% as ANGRY as I am right now because of her deleting the messages and therefore NOT in R and being a deceptive you-know-what.

Here is a question for anyone following this thread... Have you seen these nonchalant types of exchanges between your WS and OP who are "just hooking up" with no intimacy?

repeated her text "I said I missed you" so I said "me too".

Don't do that. Don't say something you don't mean to make her feel better. She is a WW better get used to the fact that hey sometimes are BS is not going to miss us or is relieved to not have to look at us is something you we must be able to handle. Boohoo you didnt say you missed her too. Tough shit. She is doing things she should not be and even if she wasnt she doesn't need to get her validation to feel better whenever she snaps her fingers. Let her see that your disgusted with her. She needs to at least attempts to understand that

[This message edited by Unagie at 1:33 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]

I'd get a GPS device on her car, that way you can absolutely confirm.

Alternatively you could confront with "I know about [douchebag real estate turd] and have alerted his wife."

You can then monitor the reaction.

[This message edited by totalheartbreak at 12:39 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]

She seems to have very poor boundaries even though she may not be having an affair, maybe she gets a high from the attention. She also seems to know its wrong. Maybe confirm that nothing is going on first and then have a conversation about her boundaries and what you are willing to put up with. Since she seems to like attention, turning off your attention may bring her back to you too.

Here is my take on it... She's opening the door for an EA with this guy, but I'm positive she feels bad because she knows it would hurt you, and that's why she is deleting it all... but she likes it too and that's why she's not shutting it down.

It's like a game. I hate to say it but it is, and she likes the attention.

Hence the non-chalant answers and the can't I'm working out.

Could they be hooking up yes... But my gut from reading what you've written is no.

If it were my FWH I would confront before it goes further.

She needs to find out why she seeks validation from anyone but you.

Don't reveal your sources I'd say you got an anonymous fb message with the screen shots so maybe she'll think it from his wife and you can continue to monitor her. Maybe she should delete fb all together if she can't be trusted.

(((mrcpu)))

[This message edited by ImStillwaiting at 12:48 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]

Mrcpu, I've not read any of your other threads, so I apologize if you have posted any of this previously. Is your wife in IC? Are you both in MC? It seems like your wife has some serious boundary issues going on. I don't have a clue if your wife is in an EA or PA at the moment, but know that if my FWH was doing what your wife is doing now I would be beyond pissed off. No matter what, this is not acceptable behavior from someone who is married. I think you should keep gathering evidence, using any and all means to do so. In the meantime, do you know what you want to do? Separate, D, attempt R? It might make sense to start putting your own plans in place now, so you have a firm course to follow should your suspicions be confirmed. And please get to the Dr. ASAP to get STD testing done. Take care of you first and foremost.

I am sorry you (and all the rest of us) are here and that you are hurting. Being a BS sucks, and feeling the need to monitor your WS seems like no way to live.