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needfriendshere ( member #43350) posted at 9:55 PM on Friday, August 8th, 2014
Yes, you can reconcile! My H, who I adore, had a 6-year-long A that I found out about less than 6 months ago and we have made tremendous progress.
Besides the remorse and the NC and the IC, H has shown me through his actions that he has zero feelings for her and that he wants to spend the rest of his life making up for what he did. So far, he has done a stellar job.
Your H ended this A over 2 years ago and is with you! It should be pretty clear - I hope - where his heart is. Talk with your H. Tell him how much you are hurting and let him help you to heal.
BTW, I am sorry about your having gone through cancer. I look at the timing and see we have something in common. It sounds like your FWH started his A shortly after your diagnosis. Mine did too. He says that "part" of the reason for the A was fear that he would lose me...I pray you are cancer-free now! Please take care of yourself. You have been through a lot.
(((grneyes72)))
Me: early 50'sWH: early 50'sMarried: 23 yearsDS: 21 years oldOther DS: 18 years oldD-day: 2/14/2014H's LTA lasted 6 years, his EA's lasted during most of our M, but we are both trying hard to R.
seethelight ( member #43513) posted at 10:00 PM on Friday, August 8th, 2014
That's different.... R is eminently possible, but that doesn't mean you have to choose it. I'm biased toward R, but I'm even more biased toward figuring out what's best for you and choosing that outcome, whatever it may be.
With an unremorseful WS, the answer can be pretty simple - dump the so-and-so. Even if your WS were remorseful, however, if you don't feel like doing the work - for any reason - you can D with your head held high.
In choosing between R & D, do what's best for you.
^^^^^^^^^^^^ditto to that.
“If two people truly have feelings for one another then they don’t have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit
grneyes72 (original poster member #44375) posted at 10:46 PM on Friday, August 8th, 2014
Thanks See. Yes I am cancer free. We were in a bad place before I was diagnosed. I was depressed. Told him I didn't love him and thought I wanted a divorce. I the. Was diagnosed. He says I pushed him even further away then and that nobody would listen when he talked about how scared he was of losing me. He said he is 100% wrong and made a huge mistake. He was hurting and she was there and listened to him when no one else would. I was in survival mode for that time. The majority of their messages they talk about me. That part is weird to me.
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