We want you to get stronger. You have been reading in an effort to change some things about yourself that you'd like to improve. You've been a mama to your sweet new baby. And you've been just trying to survive. You're a pretty busy lady.
I was not able to do all that you are doing this soon after dday. I know you're strong.
So, what do you want in a guy? I bet you want a guy, that wants you.
Some wayward spouses come running back home, begging for a chance to make things better. I bet you want that.
Unfortunately, your husband doesn't seem to be one of those. Ask yourself, what is it that is keeping him away?
It's not you, even though you kicked him out and even though you don't respond to his one liners, you aren't what keeps him away.
He keeps himself away. He may not enjoy this new situation (although I believe he probably does) but for him it's better than doing what it takes to be with his family.
If he felt he was making the biggest mistake of his life and wanted, NEEDED, to be with you, you'd know it. Instead, every so often, probably when he's alone and needing validation, he sends a small blurb.
Even if email isn't his thing, nobody, except you, is making any extreme effort to change the existing situation.
You know when you are new to this terror and you have that fear that if you say what you really want to say you'll push them into the arms of their whore?
I understand that notion but it's wrong. Don't you think if you had any power to cause them to do something, you'd use it to make them step up and fix things?
She caused me to do it, is what they say when they don't want to own their own behavior, usually because it's bad behavior. I caused him to do it, is what we say we when we try to take responsibility for something that is not ours to own.
It comes from a need to control and it's driven by fear. We can't control what our spouses do, and when they are waywards, that's terrifying.
You can't make him want you bad enough to work for it. I'm so sorry. I know how devastating that is. You aren't preventing him from showing you he desperately wants you back.
So lets say there are two kinds of kids who shoot their first basketball. Both miss all the shots they take and they both feel down. One kids kicks the ball and says I never wanted to play basketball anyway, its stupid. And the other says, I'm going to practice shooting baskets so I can get better.
It's no mystery who ends up playing college basketball. Maybe the first kid would have been better at making baskets but his heart wasn't into it, so he wouldn't have been a better player.
Now is it basketball or monogamy that's stupid?
You've got yourself a quitter with no heart into it.
If you asked him to come back and promised you wouldn't bug him or ask questions, I think he'd be back in a heartbeat. He wants a doormat, not a wife. A spouse is suppose to be a partner. Certainly you lean on one another but for the most part it's an even exchange. You posted about how all he did was take, take, take.
Are you really missing him, or are you missing saving him? Because you can't save him from this mess without sacrificing yourself.
Have you seen a lawyer? I don't want to push but if you feel you need to do something besides what you are doing, that would be next.