SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I say be done with her and that means no revenge.

BTW I am a very vengeful person myself so I get how you feel.

The OMs gf (gfs) will probably do just fine notifying the bosses on her own. Again, although I normally advocate cooperation with OBS, in this case I get the feeling you are better off being done with your WW and focusing on the D. You don't need to start getting wrapped up with this other man's various, pissed off, girlfriends. I get the feeling your WW is going to implode on her own at her place of employment.

Another vote for finish up the Divorce first then send your evidence to the CEO, COO, HR, Legal, her direct Supervisor and anyone else you deem necessary in the company. There are consequences to this shit. You didn't get her fired, she got herself fired by knowingly violating company policy. These are just the consequences of her actions.

ETA: Yes the best revenge is living well but you can still live well after she gets fired.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:27 AM, August 19th (Tuesday)]

Again, for the sake of self improvement....Let it go. She shouldn't have a damn thing to with your happiness. Even in her failures. Remove that horrible stain from your life as soon as possible and scrub it from your brain. This will be a challenge in itself without you having anything to do with her. You will soon realize that these movies, or ghosts if you will, will play in your head CONSTANTLY. Not of the affair, but of conversations you have had or wanted to have, things you did together, things that made her smile. You really want to struggle with yourself even more by creating a more elaborate knot in your brain?

Let it go and be the better person that you already know you are. WHO CARES what she gets away with. Not your problem anymore.

[This message edited by No12turn2 at 8:38 AM, August 19th (Tuesday)]

Love is dead:

I agree, that if you want to R, outing her at work might backfire.

Also, if you are going to divorce her, divorce her first, then out her. It's in your best interest for her to be employed when you divorce. She will get less.

However, if you don't care to R, IMO, it's a valuable lesson for your wife to learn.

Being a deceptive person has consequences. Effing around on company time, hurts other workers and definitely should have consequences.

I am sure other works had to pick up the slack from the time the OM and your wife spent in their dalliances.

They do deserve to learn these painful lessons. Don't we deserve to move on without concerning ourselves with their destructive behavior? Just be warned, the bus doesn't stop and let you off until you say so.

I haven't even read all the posts because I want to tell you a story about my own experience with two pigs cheating at work. In 2010, my exwh started screwing around with his own secretary. Not just a secretary in the office - his own. We had just moved to a bigger, more expensive house that he wanted and our youngest DD wasn't even 3 yet. He lied and lied and lied about it and humiliated me in the small community in which we work. When it was finally confirmed, I filed for D. He still has never come clean and essentially forced me to divorce him without having one honest conversation about what really went on. He lives with her now and the hurt has subsided, but we will never be friends and I will never acknowledge that whore.

In the beginning, I wanted so badly to walk the three blocks from my office down to their office, get up on their floor, beat the crap out of her and scream over the loud speaker what a couple of trashbag pieces of shit they were. In the beginning, it was sometimes an overwhelming feeling and I had to literally sit on my hands to stop myself. To make matters worse, this bitch was a total loud mouth over all sorts of social media, talking about my husband who she nicknamed her "luvah". Imagine that. We weren't even divorced yet, he has children, and she boasted about their sex life, the gifts he bought her, and the shit that he did for HER KIDS! It was maddening and I don't think I slept for at least a year.

In the end, I did nothing. I never wanted to jeopardize his requirement to pay as much child support as he should have. I also never wanted to come off as that bitter ex who deserved to get dumped because she's crazy. They play into that beautifully and I wasn't going to give them that.

You ask whether there is ever any justice. I recently got a big confirmation that there is, particularly when these assholes work together.

I recently got a phone call - almost 4 years after my exwh left - from a high level executive in his office. My ex recently left for another job and the slunt OW walked out on her own. This guy called me initially for a business purpose and felt safe to do so now that those two were no longer there. Within 3 minutes of me saying "hello", he unleashed a fury on the two of them that I never expected. He called the OW a filthy POS at least 10 times during that conversation. He told me that they were not respected, and that once everyone found out that he left his beautiful wife and beautiful children for that slut, they dropped him. He told me that no one could believe it or understand it and they all think that he's either crazy or drunk most of the time to want to be with someone like her. In the end, the slunt and my exwh - who was always viewed as "such a nice guy" - were left to their own devices. They had no friends and no allies there. This man who called me told me that they were thrilled when they both decided to leave. That call was a gift to me and my self esteem. I always knew that people must have thought they were disgusting pigs, but I never had that validation. Boy, did I get it.

It took a long, long time for me to see the reality. What you see now is the unicorn fart land side of all of this. You aren't seeing any justice yet and it's natural to want to push that along.

At the same time, I'm a believer that the universe will right itself eventually. What comes around goes around and these people usually get exactly what they deserve. I wanted so badly to interfere with the universe and put karma on my time frame. I'm very glad in the end that I didn't. I came off and still come off as a very classy lady who kept her dignity throughout this shit storm. No one, and I mean no one, believes that what they did was right or justified. They are stuck together in a pretty dysfunctional relationship right now because they have no one else to cling to. The universe absolutely showed me that it tilted toward right. It will in your case too. Just wait and in the meantime, keep the focus squarely on you.

Don't do anything until the divorce is final. The last thing you want is for her to be unemployed while you are going through a divorce. I don't know your situation but you don't want to be paying support because she is unemployed. After the divorce is final, I'd take her boss to lunch and tell him everything.

I agree with others, get the divorce first. A divorce could be nasty and you have your future to think about and your finances. Depending on who buys the house or if you both sell it and split the proceeds, you need to just concentrate on what you are doing right now.

Why does she tell you anything about the OM if you and her are getting a divorce. Doesn't this OM gf's know about this. Seems like a rather blatant affair.

Once your are free and clear of her, than you can just send all of your proof to the boss. Make sure you have proof or the boss might just think you are out for revenge.

Is she a good employee? Not if she lies to her boss. Don't bet on her getting hired again right away.

If she needs income to settle the divorce, I would not rock her paycheck yet.

Is there no justice in the world anymore?

Their punishment will come from God.

I was lucky.

My fWW and the OM, her boss, were caught in the act by the assistant manager.

The OM knew that there was a no-fraternizaion policy, but he screwed my fWW anyway.

It got him fired.

I'd love to know how he told his pregnant wife that he lost his job for some cheap tail.

But isn't this no different than a deadbeat parent that wants to get out of paying child support so they quit their job? The judges know to watch for that and it pisses them off.

So wouldn't her being unemployed because of affair related behavior be no different? Wouldn't she still be expected to get a job making a certain % of her wages at a job she lost because of the affair? Wouldn't any spousal support or child support be worked out as if she has that job?

It just seems like a double standard. She wouldn't be unemployed because of hard times, it would be because of the exact reason OOTD is divorcing her.

She couldn't behave professionally at her job. Getting a leg up never meant up over your head.

My state is a no fault state. They cannot/will not consider the reason for loosing a job. They will insist on them getting one though. On top of that, they do factor in wages, even if unemployed. They award them the same amount as a minimum wage employee.

Still...We are talking best options for the trial when we should be talking about best options for our friend here.

I say wait and for another reason. What if OM is a total psycho because he gets fired in this as well and he physically comes after you? I would be worried about violence, especially if you have a child. Wait for the D to be final then think it through about maybe doing it anonymously.

The wind generated by my movements to get to her boss with this information would power a small house containing a family of 4 for several months.

Do it.

I would do it also. Send her boss everything you have.

This is really quite sad to me. We are all better than this. Someone please explain to me what purpose this serves other than cold hard revenge?

Someone please explain to me what purpose this serves other than cold hard revenge?

How about it may prevent either one of them from sleeping with otehr people in the office.

You know what I consider sad? I find it sad that this thread is even needed because another spouse decided it was perfectly okay to fuck a coworker. I find it sad that 2 families get fucked over because of the actions of 2 inconsiderate selfish people. I find it sad that this happens entirely too often with no consequences at all. I mean it happens all the time in the working world and people ignore it. Maybe if more people did turn them in it wouldn't happen as much because consequences for this shit are visible.

If the OM was walking around the office beating women would you report him. If he was stealing from the company would you report him. If he was damaging company property you would report him. If he was stealing intellectual property would you report him. But since he is just banging a coworker he gets a pass. Everything I just listed is a violation of pretty much every companies code of conduct. They are violating company policy and if anything happened on company time usign company resources he is stealing from the company. which violates the polciy. How is it revenge for reporting an inappropriate relationship to upper management but it's different if you report a thief or person making threats.

You know why it happens so much, because people don't report it. They just shake there head and say none of my business. I find that to be the saddest thing of all.

ETA: No12turn2, we can agree to disagree. I get a little excited about this particular topic. I feel pretty strongly about it since my XWW fucked her married coworker for 3 years. People knew but not one person at the job felt the need to report them. At the end of the day it's a personal decisions for each of us.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 1:49 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]

Simply put...It's not your job to keep your WS or OM from fucking other people now. The more you consume yourself with this burden, the more failure you are setting yourself up for.

Your best bet is to focus on the one thing you can control....YOURSELF. Reap those rewards and erase these vile people out of your lives.

[This message edited by No12turn2 at 2:15 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]

Simply put...It's not your job to keep your WS or OM from fucking other people now. The more you consume yourself with this burden, the more failure you are setting yourself up for.

I agree 100% except with the consuming part. She's my XWW now and can sleep with anyone she wants too. I let it go awhile ago. I did erase them from my life and one of the things that helped me to do it was exposing the hell out of it at their job. Yes it's not for everyone which is why it's a personal choice.

I see someone shoot you and steal your wallet and I recognize the killer I shouldn't turn them in because it's not my job? Yes, not exactly apples and apples but it sort of is imo. I had no problem helping the married OM in my situation face some consequences. They did it to themselves all I did was write some letters and make some phone calls. I just don't think that outing someone automatically means you delay or screw up your healing. If it bothers someone that much then sure let it be but for many people they have no problem helping enforce some consequences and being perfectly okay with any fallout afterwards.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 2:40 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]

I know the word revenge was used but I didn't see it as revenge. It's a consequence of her affair.

Maybe having this over her head would incent her to play nice during the divorce?