SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If you would like help locating OM's live in GF, let me know.

Get an attorney's advice. Protect you and your kids. That's all I've got; hope you're ok.

Well, I have read through everyone's posts, and it seems that decisions are split as to what should happen.

Someone posted above, it isn't really revenge. I just happen to be the victim in an inter-office PA.

Just because I was the one who was devistated, I have no right to do the morally right thing and turn them in? Of course I have somewhat selfish reasons to do so, but does that make what they did any less wrong?

I too live in a no fault state, and here she makes more. I could easily be entitled to spousal support on my end, but choose not to pursue it.

The child sharing is 50/50 split joint custody. If she can't afford to take care of my daughter, more time for me.

I hope everyone can see why I am so torn about this. I am decent human being who doesn't like to rattle people's cages and harm my fellow man, but at the same time, these two totally fucked my entire family apart! This asshole OM has already threatened me with violence to the WW, but I ran into him at a store, he saw me, I didn't see him, and guess what? Nothing happened.

She tells me not to go after him, to forget about him, he is not worth it, leave the OM's GF alone, just stop mentioning him period.

WHy should I? This isn't even about him. My WW will never understand that. it's all about her and her decision to harm her family.

Why should I sit by, and watch these two continue to flourish with not a damn thing happening to them?

The OM is STILL trying to continue the relationship, why wouldn't he? Easy ass is not the easiest commodity to come by. My WW swears up and down that she is through with him, he is a jerk, and blah blah blah. Against my better judgement, I believe her that the relationship is over... Only problem, not for the right reasons.

Not because she ripped my heart out, and destroyed her family. Crushed the only people who ever loved her, not even because of her little girl who will never look at her in the same light... She did it because too many people know her little secret, and she doesn't want to lose the thing she loves most in the world, her job.

Fuck her job, if she never went back to work, this may not have happened.

What do I owe her? What do I owe either one of them? I swear if I could find OM's live in GF, I would tell her immediately. She would believe me too, I bet money she has her suspissions already.

I'm with sisoon. Her life sounds like it will fall apart by itself. Give her her divorce and walk away with your head up. Sounds like her life is sh#$ty with everything she hates. Let her mess up the last thing she loves on her own. If you do it it will be just one more thing she can falsely blame on you. Stay strong.

Why should I sit by, and watch these two continue to flourish with not a damn thing happening to them?

Trust me there is not going to be a lot of flourishing when she wakes up and realizes how bad she f$%ked herself.

If you at getting a divorce I would wait till that was over. Her financial demise could hurt you in your pocket.

Why don't you discuss your best option with your D attorney and see whether they think it would hurt or help with your D proceedings? I would definitely go after spousal and child support if that's due you. This woman has damaged you and deserves to pay you money for that reason alone. Take her to the cleaners and save that money for ur childs education?

Sounds like her boss may already know anyway?

[This message edited by whattheh at 5:00 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]

I think the boss has suspicions, and is making her sign something so it is in writing, so she can't come back on them for firing her for no reason.

Who knows, maybe they are getting their ducks in a row, before letting them both go. Maybe this won't even be by my doing. I can live with that, but what if it goes the other way, and nothing happens? This is swept under the rug, and the only person who has to live with it, is me?

i can empathise with the weight of your decision. (in my situation threats from the AP via the WW are the main reason why i have not yet exposed him). i would say definitely do not do that before the divorce. too many potential negative consequences.

doing it before divorce will likely reduce your future financial ability to parent, directly affecting your daughter. also consider you might be indirectly hurting your daughter by diminishing your wifes future ability to parent.

also consider whether you are prepared for retaliation from either or both.

the best thing about refraining for now of course is that you know you can always do it tomorrow or later and as you say you may not need to at all in the end.

information is power so get intel (such as painfulpast has offered help with). and power to you

interesting that your wife gave you that bit of information about the warning. why would she do that knowing you can so easily bring her undone now? did she seem worried by the implications of the warning? can she not see the writing on the wall? thick fog I assume.

[This message edited by BStardised at 7:31 AM, August 20th (Wednesday)]

What do I owe her? What do I owe either one of them

You owe them nothing. But you do owe stability to your children. They deserve one parent who takes them into account with their actions.

Look, I get the wanting them to have some consequences. Our OMW successfully blameshifted to her BH - who called me to apologize for his WW's affair as it was all his fault since he hadn't been there for her. He said he forgave and would forget and go on their merry way. Meanwhile, I was DYING. It isn't fair. I spent time just as you are trying to figure out how to get him to *get it* and give his WW what she had coming.

You have to let that go. For your own sake - you are a better person than that. And for your kid's sake. They need you. The best you.

I don't think you need to do anything at this point. Her boss had her sign the policy saying she understood the consequences of fraternization.

The only reason you would have an employee sign this, other than as part of the initial hiring/onboarding process, is if you are making a case to dismiss the employee with prejudice.

In other words, they are going to fire her as soon as the company has all their ducks in a row and are certain she can't come back at them with a discrimination suit.

so she can't come back on them for firing her for no reason.

Your wife can be fired for any reason with or without cause unless it is for religious or some other reason like that.

Every state except Montana is an at-will state which means an employee can be fired for any reason or more accurately, any employee can be fired for no reason.

I think you need to worry about your finances and your future life and once that is settled, then you can see what happens with her.

Considering your wife had an exit affair, you should really concentrate on your own future.

[This message edited by craig2001 at 10:48 AM, August 20th (Wednesday)]

Remember when I said that somebody must have blabbed to the bosses? Well, OM is sure it was me or somebody I know. I found out he is trying to get a hold of my uncle who lives in the same town. This guy has already threatened me to WW in texts that I saw.

If he keeps this up, I'm just going to walk into HIS office with a couple of police pals to speak to management about stopping this harassment! I'll explain to his boss that due to his and my wife's affair being discovered, she doesn't want to see him anymore. His anger is causing him to harass me and my family. Then they will want to know the scoop, which I will happily give them.

I know the OM is a coward, afterall, he had the perfect opportunity to confront me a couple of weeks ago, and didn't. He is just as scared as WW is as far as the work thing goes... Or maybe he's afraid of me finding his little girlfriend and fucking him up good.

I never wanted to be involved in something as juvenile as this, just another gift WW gave to our family while having her A.

This guy will haunt me forever, and like it or not, he is in our lives. If he insists on acting like a horses ass, I'm going to let both of them have it.

I think I'll wait to see how the divorce goes.. If the WW wants to act like a greedy bitch, I will make her pay for all that she has done.

[This message edited by LoveIsDead at 11:00 AM, August 20th (Wednesday)]

LoveIsDead,

You sound like you're in a lot of pain, and I'm sorry for that. You also sound like you just want us to tell you that revenge is alright.

I'm not going to do that. The longer you spend on revenge, the more time you take planning how to hurt these two people who've turned your life upside down, the more time you'll have to spend dwelling on your own pain. So you get your STBXW and her AP fired, will that be enough? What if she's able to land on her feet, will you need more satisfaction? What about the next person who hurts you, if you're satisfied by revenge on your wife this time will you want similar results that time?

If their affair damages your wife's and the AP's ability to do their jobs effectively, if it'll hurt additional people, then by all means chase it down to prevent that hurt. But don't bring pain into the world purely for your own satisfaction.

Move forward with your life, don't stay stuck in this crappy place for one second longer than you need to.

Maybe think of the revenge this way. She's now

now his problem, not yours. At some point

that realization will feel really good, brother.

[This message edited by Markone at 10:01 PM, August 20th (Wednesday)]

I would seriously sit down and think about how you will feel 6 months, a year, two years from now if you tell. It would be awful to do something in anger that you will eventually regret. You would have to live the rest of your life knowing you did it.

It's hard, I would love to have a revenge affair just to make my WH feel what's its like. But I know in time it would become one of my biggest regrets and honestly, that's the only thing stopping me.

I know it's earlier said than done but try to not let them take anymore space in your head and heart. The longer you let them, the more they win.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Take it one day at time and every day you don't tell, hold your head higher for being the bigger person.

I found out he is trying to get a hold of my uncle who lives in the same town. This guy has already threatened me to WW in texts that I saw.

Make sure you save those texts.

Want to do something, get a restraining order for his threats.

Want to do something, get a divorce and then your wife is the OMs problem.

What is worse right now, is you stewing over this. Every second of every day. You are going to diminish your mind into this and accomplish nothing else.

Revenge will come at some point. When OM least expects it.

You are letting the OM drag you down to his level and I think you have better things to do.