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Double post

[This message edited by tired girl at 1:48 PM, September 16th (Tuesday)]

Tickingtock,

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Thank you.

I thought about it. I didn't, ultimately because I didn't think it would accomplish any of what I hoped to accomplish. I wanted to feel desirable, I wanted him to really understand how I was feeling, I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to prove to both of us that I could, that someone else would want me. It may have hurt him, but I don't believe it would have done much else.

It wouldn't have mattered if fWH had given me permission/blessing or not. If I was going to do it, I would have done it. I was not fully committed to R at that time, and maybe she isn't either. Don't verbally condone something if you don't feel like you really condone it. That will not help either of you. Tell her the truth, how you feel about it and why. Don't tell her how to feel or how she will feel, but do tell her how cheating made you feel. It's even possible she's asking for your reaction. When I was in that stage, nothing fWH could have said would have been right. If he had said no, I would have been pissed that he thought he had the right to do so, if he had said yes, I would have taken offense and been hurt because he didn't care enough to want to keep me to himself. There may not be a right answer for her here, there probably isn't, so the only answer you can give is the one that's right for you.