BUT YOU WILL STAND BACK UP!!!
SI and some of the great people here have helped me so so much, that I just had to post something in return! Thought I would post it here for the newly betrayed! Very sorry we are all here, but glad that you found this place as I sure am that I did!
9 months ago today, I had the KABOOM in my life! I was blindsided by something that I would of never ever ever expected and especially for it to come from someone who I would of never expected it from! My wife! The woman that meant every single thing to me, the woman I would do anything for and the woman I would lay my life on the line for! The woman I planned to grow old with and live the rest of my life with, the mother of my children, the girl I grew up with since high school, the woman that was MY LIFE had put the biggest dagger she ever could deep in my back and opened a huge hole in my chest, and then dagger after dagger after dagger in my back!! To say I was in shock, hurt, devastated and in disbelief as all of us know, was an understatement!
Life as I knew it was over, BUT in the initial shock, this I did not and could not realize because as my life spiraled out of control all I could and wanted to do was stop the downfall and get back to what I had! I became desperate to save that, but THE REALITY was that the damage had already been done. This is maybe the hardest part to face, at least for me it was, and that was the point of REALIZING and ACCEPTING that yes, the woman described above had betrayed me and that life as I knew it had now changed! I right away went hardcore no contact and did the 180, without knowing what it was. A few weeks later I found SI and man am I glad I did.
As many, I read on here a bit then quickly decided to post my situation. The responses were huge and comforting, especially with the storm I was under. I have to admit, that when I would read some of the responses or things said about my wife I would be like NO WAY, thats not my wife! They dont know her, she is not like that and on and on! But again, in the state of shock, I blinded myself to reality! The result, the people here were right on point and most of what I was being told to do was right on point as well! I read and was told that IN ORDER TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE, I WOULD HAVE TO RISK LOSING IT! and thats exactly the route I decided to take!
My point with this is, and many can help me here and add to this also, is that in the initial blow of the bomb dropped on us, we are in a huge state of shock! Everyone reacts differently, but the PAIN and SHOCK hits us all PERIOD! With everyone pouring in to help and give advice on my thread, I now understand that all everyone was trying to do was calm me down and absorb the shock and at the same time guide me while going through this. Especially with the kind of storm I was dealt. I was in so much shock that it never crossed my mind that these strangers responding and giving me this advice were speaking FROM EXPERIENCE!! Please understand that You will get kind responses and also hard straight forward responses, but know that IT IS ALL FOR YOU AND TO HELP YOU!
Since the initial D day, I have had another Dday which ill explain more further down.
Here you will also get the LAWYER UP and FILE RESPONSES. I had no choice but to follow this one, but again this is for YOU AND TO HELP YOU! In my situation, my lawyer helped guide me and watch over me while I went through the I love her, thats my wife, F@#K her, Crush her, Wait I still love her, I dont want this, I dont know what to do Roller coaster of emotions. As I went up and down, My lawyer kept firm and kept moving forward shielding me from any more daggers. The people here on SI were huge in this as well for me. All this advice gave me time to recover enough to stand back up and even though most of the time I was teary eyed, I stood back up! This let me know that I did not have to rush to any decision and even though I had a lawyer, things could be stopped at any time if things got better! Point is that I was protected.
Everyones situation is different, Money, laws in your state, and other issues but as you will read a lot, they all seem to follow that dam cheaters handbook. This is one thing I did not believe, but have now seen it first hand. I started thinking the people on here could read the future because they would tell me the next step, and sure enough, it would happen! Still to this day! Thats how much experience is here, and its experience that no one here wanted but are now sharing to help you!
CONTROL- This is a huge deal when going through this in my opinion, and what I did as soon as I stood back up was took back control of the whole situation! I came back with a DONT F@#K WITH ME attitude, I became the solid steel umbrella for my kids and began to do everything in my power to protect them from this madness and have continued to do so. In my opinion, the sooner you can do this the better. Again, the my SI family and lawyer were huge on this part as well. Others can elaborate more on this, but one thing I really would want to add here is that everyone here hopes for the best out of everyones situation. Nobody wants to read about families being destroyed, but Speaking from my own storm, I would have to also say to be prepared for the worst! Me and my wife were together for 20 years, today I no longer know who this person is! Complete stranger at this time.
Again, everyones situation is different but my main reason for posting this is to say this. I am now standing tall, firm and am holding my head very high! What this means to me is that I am now ready to make any decision I have to make without the roller coaster of emotions and confusion. Yes, the hole is still in my chest but it is getting smaller and smaller and little by little I am pulling those daggers out of my back! Its easier said than done, but the sooner you can stand back up the better, but realize that this will take time and that there is no need to rush. There is no need to fool yourself niether, this is not at all a small thing, this is huge so to be able to sit down and just cry is a very good thing! What helped me the most was to sit and soak everything in and just cry! I read somewhere that when you cry its a good thing, because your tears cleanse your soul and I dont know if thats true but it sure felt like it. Its hard to believe we all know, but as many would tell me here on SI and I did not believe, well now I know and can say that I am gonna be okay!
I mentioned before that I had a 2nd dday. Well my 2nd dday came when I discovered myself! I realized that yes, my dream of the white fence and family was destroyed but I realized that I still had everything I needed and that was my kids. This I can get into more elsewhere, but again just want it to be known that when someone here tells you that you are gonna be okay, its because they know! Taking care of YOU is priority, this I learned here!
You will have questions of WHAT IF, WHY, and WHAT NOW? You will get the advice and have that support here
You will have financial questions? You will have advice and support for that here.
You will ask questions about the kids and how they will handle this? You will have advice and support for that here as well.
Yes, it seems they all follow the same "Cheaters handbook" as many put it here. To us, in our own STORM and STORY, yes its unbelievable and unique and CANT BE HAPPENING! I have used unbelievable so so many times in my threads! But for everything almost everything you think is just happening to you, there is someone here who has been there and done that and is here waiting to listen and help as best as they can! Paying it forward....
Through everyone's very own experience through the SAME STORM, and everyone sharing how they handled it, all the knowledge gained and learned due to this mess that none of us wanted, its here to help us cope! Here, every single person knows what you are going through. I wont be the last one to say how great SI is and has been! For me, it has been huge in getting through this STORM and being able to type here and say that IM STANDING TALL Again at 9 months. Again, im not gonna fool myself and say im 100%, but im VERY STRONG!
Ive gotten messages from fellow members in regards to my story and how it has helped them to read the way I have handled my situation, that I felt I just wanted to post something to help others if I could. There are many messages here and threads from other members. Please read them, then read them again! None of us wanted to be here and type these messages, but I am one of many that owe this place so much for the help that has been offered here. Just words typed from great and total strangers that have helped so much in allowing me to stand back up tall and firm, and its where you will be as well!
We cant predict the future but what we do have is time. In Time, all we can do is give time TIME!
SI and people who before were just strangers have been such a huge part of my life now. My SI family, THANK YOU!
