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That's great news! I can only imagine how hard it was and how much it hurts, but it's a step towards protecting yourself and your son, and that's crucial!

Keep talking to us, we're here for you!

Best wishes

Good for you SS. Please keep posting your thoughts and feelings. It'll help to write them down, and it helps us help you.

Shattered

You really have no choice but to speak to an attorney.

That baby legally is yours.

You need legal advice now.

And just realize the decision to cheat is a very selfish act on your wife's part.

The fact that safe sex was not practiced should make you realize just how selfish your wife and the OM are at this time.

Protect yourself. Protect your family. Remember right now that your wife does not have your best interests or your families in mind right now.

HM

Why do I continue seek this pain out. She's away for work until Thursday and it's killing me inside.i think I need end this so I don't feel this anymore

[This message edited by Shatteredsoul at 10:56 AM, June 17th (Wednesday)]

i think I need end this so I don't feel this anymore

A word of caution: Unfortunately, divorce will not cure you of your pain and neither will it allow you sever all ties with your WW. After all, you have a son in common. But it can serve as a step forward in your healing process as it will allow you to move on with your life. In other words, it may help you to heal faster, but you still have to allow yourself time.

Given your WW’s attitude that because she’s pregnant it’s all about her, let her have her way – ALL the way. Once divorced, it WILL be all about her but she will no longer be able to rub your nose in it. In order to take yourself out of that equation, make certain you fully discuss with your attorney the ramifications of her pregnancy; how it may affect you under your particular state law and what steps you must take to protect yourself. Your goal is her having to deal with what she’s wrought - with the father or on her own. If she tries to involve you, or tug at your heartstrings seeking sympathy, your answer is, “That’s not my problem. Deal with it. Don’t involve me.” Or as one fellow put it, “Not my farm. Not my pig.”

I hope you’re continuing your running and taking good care of yourself. Keep posting. We support you, buddy.

[This message edited by MessedUpAndDown at 12:32 PM, June 17th (Wednesday)]

Thank goodness today was my ic session. I had lost all sense of clarity since last night. Obsessed with mind movies and pain seeking and checking up on her. To straight up wanting to go out a sleep with a bunch of women to feel something anything to get back at her. Actually prolly goes back to Thursday last week and I was letting the dams fill and with her away they about burst. Slow down, take a breath this shit sucks and you have to control your impulses

It's hellaofa rollercoaster, isn't it? It gets better!

I'm so glad you're in IC! How was it?

Best wishes

shatterd soul

I have no advice for you except sympathy for your situation , I am in the same situation my finance for 6 years messing around with a marry man , its broke my heart she was the love of my life , I guess you know the rest , so be strong , and hope you find your peace .

Ic running and work make this possible. Though it's hard to stay focused at work when I'm not actively engaged in something. Ic has been great. My ic has experience with both my situation and different impulses/coping mechanisms I have and is helping me find other ways to cope.

So Friday nights continue to be complete hell for me. She began spotting and seems to be in the initial stags of a miscarriage. Confused/sad

So as wonderful as this all is. I may facing the triple crown. Over the weekend I began to notice a sensation when I peed. Now I have inflammation. (When's the last time you heard of a guy getting an uti? Me neither) so std tests taken today on antibiotics today. 1-3 days for results. Yet again waiting for the next hammer to fall.

Just so your mind doesn't go nuts...I've had burning sensations during urination before which have been the result of poor diet and not enough water. If you are depressed your diet may be all messed up.

In addition to the meds just focus on having 100oz water a day.

You have to do what feels right for you hun. Period. Take care of yourself. This was a devastating blow and you need to take all the room and space and time you need. One thing to think about, should the two of you choose to R, this baby may always be a trigger for you. Do you think you can raise this baby as one of your own or will this kiddo always feel like they are... different. There is nothing wrong with you admidting that if you think it might be this way. But your wife has betrayed you, her family and even herself. Id hate for one more heart to be broken because of this. So put her feelings aside. Think of yourself and your capabilities as a step dad. Do whatfeels right. If that's working through this great, if it's not that could be great too. I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. And I'm so sorry that your family has to suffer. But first and foremost take care of YOU.

It's horrible right now, but it WILL get better! Stay strong, lean on family&friends&us to help you get through the lows!

Best wishes

So this has been a completely humiliating week, but somehow I feel better. I have had more people(Drs, nurses lab techs) handle and see me naked than in the past 14 years. So far std tests all negative, uti negative. Ultrasound reveals a ruptured testicular cyst(probably from all the running lol). Still awaiting results from the infertility test (yeah try looking that 21 year old brunette lab tech in the eye when you say okay I'm dropping this swab off to be tested for chlamidia, ghonnerea, and trich. Btw I'm also here to give a semen sample, even worse when they say we're not use to having thse tests done by someone who has had a vasectomy so long......yeah well my wife's a cheating who're who I still love but got herself pregnant and I need to know there's no chance the baby is mine) strange I didn't get a male dr/assistant all week, even the rad tech for my ultrasound was female.

Sore, but relieved.....

Gy What do you do when you know that it was your depression and actions that brought this about. Because you couldn't ask for help because you we're what too proud? To afraid of what people would think. Now look everything is broken and you are even more worthless than before. The one thing that kept you tied to this world betrayed you because of you. So much self hate, so much sadness so much pain. I all I want is her to hold me to hold her to say everything will be okay, but here I am lost and alone so fucking alone my heart it aches and it aches I pray for strength I pray for release I pray to Feel something else. To be someone else I want to cut my heart out and throw it way just take it I don't want the pain of loving her. She doesn't care did she I ever I don't know I can't stop crying she had to once why can't she again why am I like this what's wrong with me why do I still love her. Why do I still care? I know everything I've done wrong and bled for every sin, but haver no i done anything right? She can't touch me or look at meand the knife just drives deeper in my soul. I am srry I love you. I am sorry that I did not show you enough I just want something to tell me my world is not nothing. That I am not nothing. I want to matter. am I so awful she would rather be alone than with me? Why do i feel this way when we had a good night together?

So you went through a depression. So did I before my Dday. I would say it's my own midlife crisis. Shouldn't your WW come to you and tell you "Shatteredsoul, you've been acting so depressed lately. Is there something going on? Do you need to talk to me about it? Please let me know. I want to help. I'm your wife."

But what did she do instead?

"Shatteredsoul is not paying enough attention to me. I'll show him. I'll go have an affair, teach him to ignore me!"

It's simplistic, but typically that's the gist of it. Their selfish needs ahead yours, and it's what navigates the wayward decision process.

So, please don't ever blame yourself for her A.

Such an emotionally and mentally hard day. I don't believe there is anything good about me or I've ever done anything right. Lost alone such a profound sadness. There is nothing for me because I am nothing. Worthless something to be thrown away and cast aside. Was there ever anything good in me was anything ever real? Take it away take all away I don't want it anymore.take me away, far away,away from me, away from everything. I pray for the numbness to return because all I am is despair.

Such an emotionally and mentally hard day. I don't believe there is anything good about me or I've ever done anything right.

You sound like you have been drinking. And alcohol is the worst thing you can do at this point!!! I cannot stress that enough. No drinking.

Have you talked to a lawyer yet.

Your wife has put you in shock, and there is nothing funny about that and it is scary. You have PTSD!

Stay away from alcohol and limit the coffee or stop it also.

Talk to a lawyer, find out your rights. You will not feel good again, until you feel in control.

The best men's law firm is Cordell and Cordell. If they are not in your area, their website offers a ton of great advice.

Get back in control of the situation.

Shattered

Stop blaming yourself. Stop blaming all the marriage issues on you.

She lied. She cheated. She got pregnant from her BF.

You did not cause her to lie, cheat or get knocked up.

And until she acknowledges that those bad decisions are on her there is no marriage to work on.

So focus on you.

HM