SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

No, no drinking. Not since Wednesday after that I've sworn off the sauce my grasp on my emotions are too tenuous as it is. The boilermakers really brought everything to the forfrint. Today I just spent the day inside my head. Which right now is not a good place to be. Limbo and hell of self doubt, pain , anger and betrayal.

The coffee though I have 3 cups a day and 2 mountain dews.

I've seen the lawyer, a good one, one of the beat in the area. No proceedings have started.

I had depression before this happened now I don't know what I havr. Most days I wish for the greyness back. Now it's just despair. Utter total despair and hurt and anger. Anger at the non decision, hurt at evey turn. I'm grasping at straws trying hold on failing to find the the way to save me.

So we burn the fires of our emotions hoping to come out tempered like steel so that we do not ever break again.

Today was a good/bad day. It's my 8th day working in row. Which meant I forgot it was actually Monday and I forgot my IC :( until my ww asked me about it. Part of the reason I forgot was I spent the afternoon on the phone trying to get my test results that the dr said were in. No stds, nothing which is good and sadly but to be expected no presence of sperm in the fertility test. Oh and I will never watch dirty dancing ever again the entire fricken movie was a trigger of memories with her and thoughts of what she might have felt like with him. Never again

Staying at a friends house tonight. First night I will not be sleeping in the same house

Shatteredsoul,

Have you spoken with your doctor about what you are going through? You may want to take something in the mean time to help you take the edge off. Ativan got me through it, but I do not have an addictive personality and only used it when I really needed it. I also took Lexapro for two years, which helped even me out. It doesn't make you a weak person if you have to take something to get through this trauma...it is trauma and don't let anyone minimize it.

Another week or so in. I actually left her last Tuesday came back Thursday to tell her I was walking away. Not because of what she did it the fact she was pregnant but that I could take the distance between us and her uncertainty anymore. So nc the rest of Thursday and Friday spent the week crashing on various friends couches. Saturday I took my boys to lunch and aft wards we talked, and she decided to commit to actually trying to make this work. So here we go I will keep everyone updated on my journey, but one thing I know is you can never know how much you love someone until you have seen thier darkest side and looked within yourself to see if you can find forgiveness.

good luck....

Soul,

are you in any sort of individual counselling? Are you getting support from friends and family?

I strongly urge you to google "No more mr. nice guy pdf", it's a great book available online for free, it might help you tremendously.

Please, continue talking to us, we're here to help and support you! Best wishes

Soul

"aft wards we talked, and she decided to commit to actually trying to make this work".

For you to have any chance with your WW she needs to be 100% committed to making it work. Your WW trying is basically admitting failure before she starts.

You were her plan B because things didn't work out with her FB. It will happen again and if you want to live the rest of your marriage scrutinizing & wondering about her every move & action then all the power to you.

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 12:56 PM, July 8th (Wednesday)]

Lies is all I get. Working it out lasted 4 days.

Shattered, I'm not sure why you left. She strayed. If someone should be on a friend's couch, it is her. She left you and your home. She needs to move out, not you.

If she is still lying to you, then no..No, she doesn't want to work this out. Have you put Linda MacDonald's book, "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" in front of her yet?

If she has lied to you, go back home, and put her shit out by the curb. Be strong my man.

so sorry man, really.

the one statement I make over and over to anyone who is going through this is - THEY LIE.

Please take care of yourself. She is showing you the real her. BELIEVE HER. You can get through this. It does get easier but it takes time. Just do your best to take care of YOU.

Shattered, you've been living in this limbo for six weeks now. You're main priority should be to get out of it at this point. Whether that means with or without your WW is irrelevant (though it sure looks like it's going to be without). Get yourself clear of this before something really bad happens (i.e. you have a major health issue spring up).

You said you'd met with or had a meeting setup with an attorney. Get the papers for the divorce filed asap imo. You'll thank yourself later, believe me.

One last note: You're going to have to stop identifying yourself as being someone who needs to have your WW in your life. She is not your end-all-be-all. The truth is, you are much, much more than that.

I don't think you should have tried to reconcile, but that is not for me to say. But you are saying you tried and it didn't work because all she gave you was lies? I am truly sorry you are going through this. I hope you are feeling better now than when it first happened, or when you very first found out. You sound like a good guy, unfortunately it seems I am learning it is the good guys and gals that are often the ones that get cheated on.

Stay strong my man. You can do this. You can do this.

Every lawyer will tell you, DO NOT leave your own house.

Take control. See a lawyer today.