SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

better yet, since SilverEagle's wayward wife had a miserable affair that lasted over 60 % of his marriage without any regard to him or his feelings, I feel that SilverEagle should make his wife expose to the OBS. Make her do something to own responsibility in this mess and make her face the woman she helped torment, whether OBS knows or not.

If you decide to tell OBS, please think about the most compassionate way to do it. I agree that your WW Needs to take ownership of what she's done, but not in a way that magnifies OBS's pain and humiliation.

As a BW I can say that a face to face confrontation with the OW would have been the worst possible way for me to find out-a truly humiliating loss of dignity. I can't even imagine how awful.

And I just want to add that I really admire your willingness to take advice and reconsider your position amidst all of the turmoil you are going through.

C2B,

Thank you!I get what you are saying.

And, you know, I also get what Western is saying, about WW outing her AP to OBS. But, I have to think that my WW is probably the last person from which OBS would want to hear this kind of news.

I am really leaning toward informing OBS about the truth of her M. I am to the point of trying to determine the best way to do this. Gawd, I really fear that this is going to open up a whole new chapter of drama, just at the time that the drama is winding down. Ya know?

And, believe me, not a day goes by that WW does not experience some kind of painful consequence for her abysmal choices. It is only her near immediate willingness to own her shit, display sincere remorse, and do everything she can to help me deal with my pain, that has kept me in the M.

Thank you for your kind words!

Silver, She needs to know. It's a moral imperative. It's not fun. It will open a whole new chapter of drama but, you all have to face it, get through it, get past it. Avoiding drama is a form of rug sweeping. Unresolved issues such as letting the other poor BS live on in ignorance, letting both AP's go on with out experiencing the full extent of their consequences, will come back to haunt to you. You will always wonder if you should have acted. A's are like a cancer. This is part of the wholistic approach to definitively ending this affair, future A's and getting help to ALL the victims, preventing any metastasis or remission.

RB,

Thank you for your perspective. There were a couple of points you made that really resonate with me.First was your reference to the moral imperative. Second was your observation that avoiding drama in this case is but a form of rugsweeping. I had not considered this!

And finally, your metaphor of a cancer and metastasis. I get that.

The other day, jb3199 made the observation that "the most important thing is that she does get the message. The more you think about this, the more it will sink in..."

Well, it's sinking in. This is difficult for me. I'm going to do the right thing, I'm just not sure how to do it yet. I'll figure it out. If for no other reason, I feel that I need to be accountable to myself on this issue.

Ugh. All of this.