SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Cranbook,

Just 2 things,

File D ASAP, so you have control over the process. If she files first she may do this odreal much more harder and expensive.

While STBXWW is still on the fog, the D may go alot easyer, so expedit all you can before she sees the POSOM for his true nature.

Last night at basketball game - I was sitting in stands with my wife - and in comes other Mom. She walked right in front of me and sat right beside my wife (felt a little uncomfortable to me - but excruciating to my wife). Sat there the entire game. Little did I know that she had texted my wife just before game time - and said to enjoy last week of anonymity - that she is telling her kids this weekend of the divorce they are going through and the entire affair - and also the moms she knows at our school.

The bigger, more important story here is your son's mental health but I must admit while reading this story that I felt a little "fuck yeah" on behalf of the OBS (other betrayed spouse). Good for her for not cowering. She has nothing to be ashamed about and neither do you or your son.

My son (who is 12) had his 2nd couseling session today.

The topic of "problems with other family" came up.

He knows which family it is - and knows there is a real problem between me and Mr. dirtbag (my former best friend). He was starting to ask questions - which I told him "I can;t anwser that - you must ask your mom" - to which he said "she won't tell me anything". He is close to figuring this whole things out.

Last night at basketball game - I was sitting in stands with my wife - and in comes other Mom. She walked right in front of me and sat right beside my wife (felt a little unconfortable to me - but excruciating to my wife). Sat there the entire game. Little did I know that she had texted my wife just before game time - and said to enjoy last week of anonymity - that she is telling her kids this weekend of the divorce they are going through and the entire affair - and also the moms she knows at our school.

This will be hurtful to my son - he will soon know everything.

Are you familiar w/ the serenity prayer? Even if you're not a spiritual/religious person, there's some good meat there.

You cannot control what has happened. You cannot change the past. (don't all of us BSes wish we could!?)

It is inevitable that your WW is going to be outed, and the school will know.

You do, right now, have an opportunity to be "first in" with your son. How you break this to him is up to you. If you include WW, or not...that's up to you. But you can indeed take charge of this one thing. The "how" he finds out.

It sucks.

Good luck to you, Cranbrook. Keep posting.

I have a son that age. I think you should talk to him over the weekend. Your wife should be there, too. Tell the truth, she fell out of love with you and now loves other man, you will divorce in the spring, and reassure that his life still will be OK, still will have two parents who love him, still will go to the same school, sports, etc. Be a unified front. You will have to put aside the acrimony. It is OK to tell your son you are sad or disappointed and that is OK, he can be sad and disappointed, but that life will go forward and he will have a good happy life.

You don't want him to find out from others, you don't want him wondering whatvwill happen to him.

Not only has your WW hurt you and destroyed your M but now her selfishness will destroy your son.

Hire that lawyer ASAP.

- There plan all along was to be together - I cannot fathom having this dirt-bag as step father to my son.

Don't worry about this, statistically relationships that form from affairs have a very short life. Affairs themselves can last for years but only because they are secret and based on fantasy. Turning an affair to a real relationship is one of the fasted way to ending an affair.

80% end during the first year.

90+% end during the second year.

3% marry their affair partner and those marriages have an 75% divorce rate.

Of course everyone thinks they are the exception to the rule.

I am terribly sorry. You have been given a lot of great advise here. I have spent the last seven years as a student of divorce and how men can easily get screwed. There cannot be enough caution. Hobbes' advise is spot on. I would encourage you to spend time at mensdivorce.com forums and begin with "the list." Do not move out of your house until the divorce papers are signed. The advise on this site is invaluable.

I wish you and your son the best.

Cran

From a BS who is a twice betrayed too . . took 2nd one underground also.

Do not move out of your house until the divorce papers are signed.

I strongly believe the cheater should be the one to leave. Unless you don't want to live there.

Warning:

Do not believe a word that comes out of her mouth. She may start a smear campaign on you.

I made my cheater leave.

cranbrook

Your W is seriously messed up.

And the games the OM and your W played with you and his wife truly show what horrible people they are.

They are both sick.

Do yourself a favor.

Sit your son down and tell him the truth. Have your W present.

Do not let him hear about your wife infidelity or the divorce from his friends.

He will appreciate it later after he calms down.

Will your son live with you?

HM

This man also has all the images/videos. What will he do to her (blackmail) if her does not get what he wants (getting back together). She does not realize that he owns her for the rest of her life.

I just wanted to jump in on this. Record everything you know.

In many states, it is very illegal for someone else to post any type of videos or images in this type of situation. I know recently in Colorado, a man was arrested for breaking this new law.

You might check with your lawyer about your current state laws. But more and more, this type of thing is illegal and a criminal offense, meaning jail.

Cranbrook,

I will say this. You have done an awesome job so far in a horrible situation.

I don't get this infidelity crap. Really, their affair is worse than you think.

I applaud yo for your decisiveness and thinking with your head over heart.

Your wife was given one bite of the apple and failed again.

Make sure you protect yourself as she may get nasty in the end.

Help the other betrayed spouse when you can.

Start planning for your new life and I know this stuff isn't easy. Wasn't for me either but don't put yourself in Infidelity Jail for the rest of your life. What you went through was SICK. You deserve better. Please keep posting.

Does she know you are going to end it ?

Thanks for sharing your story, allowing us to opine and coming here with your head in the right place.

All I can do is offer you support and be shocked by the number of texts etc..... the sex etc.....

You truly deserve better.

As someone who went through this before, she should have known better.

Good luck sir

Cranbook, I feel so bad for you. I understand what you are going through. Our stories are virtually identical. My EXH had an affair and left me for his best friends wife. She'd sit an listen and give me advice when I talked about my H acting strange. She and her husband babysat our daughter while we went to marriage counseling. Then he'd drop me off at home and go pick up our daughter himself, and have a quickie in the car with his best friends wife. The next day she'd call me all concerned and ask how our counseling session went. And my H was giving his best friend advice about how to fix his marriage while he was screwing his wife the whole time. The depravity of people like this is hard to fathom.

Trust me when I tell you that you have gotten great advice here. See a lawyer and file sooner than later. I promise you these two will attempt to rip you off any way they can. Just look at the fact that your WW went over to other mom's aid when she figured out her H was having an affair. Someone that duplicitous will have absolutely no trouble doing every thing she can to get whatever she can on the way out of your marriage. I know. I lived it first hand. I wish I had immediately hired a lawyer and gotten our accounts frozen.

I wish I could give you cheerful advice. But know that we are here for you and truly understand what you are living through.

Cranbrook, why have you not told her family what's going on? And PLEASE stop lying to your son. He is FAR old enough to figure this out, and if you don't tell him the truth, and he finds out you DIDN'T tell him the truth, it's YOU he's going to be mad out.

It sounds like you're not divorcing her? If not, then you need to tell her family, to stop the affair. THEY will do something about it, if the whole school doesn't run her out of town first.

I agree with Catperson

Posted by Cranbrook, Monday Nov 16:

- other mom knows everything

- we have started mediation - I cannot stand to be in same room as wife

- on a condition of staying in house - I "locked down" her cell capabilities. No more password - and Mr Homewreckers #'s are blocked

- but to go from 200 texts per day to nothing and 1.5 hours of calls per day to nothing has been challenging for her. I can't build a wall tall/long enough for her to stay behind.

- I am not sure if there has been no contact - he could have bought a new cell - and got her a trac phone as well - to keep contact moving. She tells me no contact - I doubt it. She could also call him from her work #.

- i have told ehr if I hear of any contact this divorce will be very difficult.

- There plan all along was to be together - I cannot fathom having this dirt-bag as step father to my son.

- I will have a tough Morality Contract drawn up - but unfortunately they are not that enforceable - they will find a way to cheat.

If y'all read the above, quoted straight from Cranbrook's 11/16 post, you would realize he IS getting divorced. Mediation was to set the ground rules for the situation they're in now: in house, together, and he's NOT happy about it as he cannot stand to even look at his WW (and who can blame him for that). Also, I believe he posted earlier that her family is no help, they more or less tell everyone to play nice and get over it. Please READ all the starter's posts before jumping the gun with advice.

I don't know what to say. That is a very messed up situation that WW and OM put both you, OBS, and both families through. Your wife really went over to comfort the other wife while she was her husband's AP? Sick!

I think you are handling this very well and rationally. Let your son know what is going on before someone else does. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

What app did you use to recover deleted texts? Thanks

You guys were completely right - and I should have followed your advice. Today we were having a disagreement over the Mediation Agreement (drafts were sent out a couple of weeks ago) - she is balking at the Morality Clauses. I lost my temper - little did I know she was recording our conversation on her phone.

When I found out she was recording it - I tried to grab it from her - we ended up wrestling for it - I gave up - she ran to my office and called 911 - on 3 different lines. Police came - had some questions. She wanted to charge me with Domestic Violence.

I had purchased a VAR (pen) - and placed it n her car a couple of weeks ago - she found it. Ran to police station and filed a report.

I am a beaten man. She commits Double Betrayel - and I come out of this the "beast". Just want to get the mediation papers signed and be away from her. 21 years of marriage (25 years in all) - and she skates through this like her previous affair.

God help her

Wow Cranbrook, you have been through hell.

she skates through this like her previous affair.

Yep, this is something I have been having a huge problem with in my situation. WE are the good guys, THEY are the bad guys. My XWH and all of his many whores have not paid for their actions in any way. There have been no real consequences for any of them and it really pisses me off! My life has been hell and they are all carrying on just happy go lucky.

What is the update on your son? I assume he knows all about the A by now? How is he doing?

I just reread this entire thread and I just have to say that you've done a great job handling all of this crap. You sound so much stronger than I was at the same point in my nightmare. Stay strong!

Cranbrook, I have followed your post's from the beginning. Brother, don't call out for God to help her. You need the help. You are a honest, upright, man trying to do the right thing. She is a cheating, lying, manipulative whore that lied to you, the police, and her OM wife. I hope you don't take offense, but she is trash. She doesn't deserve the honor of your pity. She has shown you repeatedly who she is, deal with her accordingly. Don't take any more chances. NEVER, go near her alone or without a VAR. I'm sorry your in this mess, but you are on your way out. Don't EVER talk, go near, or trust her, again. Stay strong, and I wish you the best of luck.

[This message edited by longforgotten at 7:55 PM, January 3rd (Sunday)]

So Cranbrook you see her for who she truly is.

Maybe mediation is not the right path.....

What are your next steps?

HM